Ever since we announced our pregnancy, we’ve gotten a lot of questions. I thought I’d type up a quick summary of your FAQ in case some of you were wondering them but didn’t feel bold enough to ask.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! But what about your adoption? Are you still adopting?
If a prospective adoptive family discovers that they are pregnant during the adoption process, they must immediately disclose the pregnancy to the agency. We contacted our agency as soon as we discovered we were pregnant. We agreed to keep our file on hold until I reach 12 weeks. At that point, the agency will close our file. You cannot pursue adoption and be pregnant at the same time.
Did you plan this?
In a word? No. I posted this to Facebook a week and a half before I took a pregnancy test. I didn’t know it then, but I was already pregnant. God was laughing.
How did you react?
My cycles are pretty textbook, and we’ve become *quite* familiar with my patterns since we started charting for NFP (Natural Family Planning) during our engagement. We switched to the Marquette Method of NFP to help us feel more confident during the postpartum phase after Dorothy was born. We were confident with the method. I had recently started taking new medications for hormonal acne that could change my cycle. When I was a few days late in July, I thought that maybe the acne medication was altering my cycle. “But that’s really weird for me to be this late….Maybe I’ll just take a test. It’ll be negative, but just to be sure…”
I was so confident that I wouldn’t be pregnant, that I took these on a whim an hour before we were leaving for Mass…on July 22…the first day of NFP Awareness Week and the 50th Anniversary of Humanae Vitae, Blessed Paul VI’s 1968 encyclical expounding on the Church’s teaching for married love and the transmission of human life. Again, God is hilarious!
Something happened in the seconds I waited for the results. I thought, “You know, this would be awesome. We’ve been trying to adopt for nearly two years now.” I started hoping for a positive. I glanced down to see the results.
And then I laughed! I took a few more tests for good measure because, well, they’re not 100% accurate, right? I immediately took the tests downstairs to find Philip.
How did Philip react?
The kids were playing in the family room, and Philip was coming upstairs. I waved him over and tried not to get the kids’ attention. I discreetly showed him the tests. He smiled, shook his head, gave me a huge hug, and said, “I knew exactly what you were going to tell me when you waved me over!” When you’re an NFP couple trying to avoid pregnancy and you know you’re a few days late, I suppose it’s not much of a surprise when your wife frantically waves you over with a sheepish smile.
Side note: We were both surprised when reviewing our chart to see that this is a DAY 5 BABY. That’s all I’m gonna say about THAT! God really wanted this baby. 🙂
Are you sad about the adoption?
It’s been a long road. We started the adoption process when Dorothy was shy of a year old because we knew it would take a few years. We were nearly done with our dossier to China when China changed their rules. Then, during our required wait for Dorothy to turn 3 to submit our application to China, we decided to pursue adoption from South Korea instead. We were literally two documents away from being ready to submit our application to South Korea when we found out we were pregnant.
I wouldn’t say that Philip or I are sad about the adoption. We were surprised by the news, but we both described feeling immediate joy and peace when we found out that we were pregnant. From the beginning of our adoption journey, we said that God would open the doors that needed opening and close the doors that needed closing. Back in July 2017, I wrote:
This is all a very general and broad overview of the process as we understand it. Only God knows how it will all play out! Meanwhile, we are doing what we can as we have time and are leaving the rest up to Him. We keep reminding ourselves that it is impossible for us to “miss” the child that God intends for our family. We are contentedly focused on the children God already blessed us with, and we plug away at adoption stuff in the fringe hours.
Will you still adopt in the future?
We hope so! We still think our family is called to adopt. Unfortunately, as we’ve learned these past few years, adoption is a tough, long road to haul. Having 4 biological children eliminated us from a lot of countries for international adoption. Having 5 biological children limits us even more. South Korea’s limit was 4 children already in the home.
For now, our focus is on this biological baby that God sent our family. We will likely revisit adoption as we approach this baby’s first birthday.
How far along are you? When are you due? How are you feeling?
I’m between 10 and 11 weeks along, and I’m due around March 20th. We discovered during my first ultrasound that I released an egg from each ovary. Although only one egg was fertilized, each egg created a (painful!) cyst to support this pregnancy. I typically struggle with extreme nausea during pregnancy, but the increased hormones have made this pregnancy especially difficult. Aside from school drop-off and an OB appointment, I haven’t left the house in a month. Nonetheless, ever since our miscarriage with Therese, I’ve grown to find comfort in the nausea as a sign of Baby thriving. Baby is doing great, so we are thankful! Philip and the kids have been wonderful, sweet helpers. We appreciate all of your prayers and support for us as we prepare to welcome our newest family member!
