![The 4th “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Parent]()
by Catherine | Jan 28, 2015 | Family
In case you’ve missed the previous three posts in the series, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (based on Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life). Basically, a Rule of Life is an examination of your vocation and its essential duties so that you can put them into a proper schedule. After my introduction post in the series, I jumped into what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 P’s”:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ve already looked at Prayer,Person, and Partner. Today, we’re moving on to the 4th “P”: Parent.
Holly packs a whole bunch of wisdom into this chapter. My favorite passage was her own definition of parenting.
Parenting is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.
After I read that for the first time last year, I thought, “Wow, what a beautiful definition.”
Then I thought, “What responsibility!”
In the later part of the chapter, Holly has some great sections on discipline and developing a routine. Do yourself a favor, and read the whole chapter sometime. Today, I’d like to focus on the first part of the chapter because there is a key element Holly brings up that I think a lot of parenting books leave out: the parents themselves.
Working on Me
In a lot of parenting books, the focus seems to be on the kids–how to get them to eat, sleep, potty train, play, exercise, learn, and the list goes on and on. Very few focus on how the parents need to improve themselves as parents in order to model what their children ought to be doing. It sounds like a “duh” comment, but I think it’s so true. This chapter made me stop and realize, “Wow, I have all of these expectations for our children, but I don’t always hold myself to the same standards.”
When I looked at the 2nd “P”: Person, I came up with several things that I wanted to improve about myself. However, my list for Person didn’t include a lot of the things I need to work on in order to improve my role as Parent.
Specifically, Holly Pierlot says that we need to work on our own attitudes. She focuses on the areas of:
- uncomplaining cheerfulness
- having a willing spirit
- commitment to an ongoing conversion
- self-control
- prayer
- reliance on God
That list made me do a little soul searching.
- When I meet a task like a glass of spilled milk or a potty training accident, do I face it with uncomplaining cheerfulness?
- Do I have a willing spirit to help my daughter play with the play-doh or my son build his 1378th configuration of his train tracks?
- Am I allowing myself to plateau in the spiritual life, or am I continually learning and challenging myself to grow closer to God?
- Do I use self-control, especially in my thoughts, words, body language, or actions?
- Do I allow the busy-ness of life to get me off track with my personal prayer routine? Is prayer regularly punctuating my day? Am I using different kinds of prayers, or am I treating God like a vending machine in the sky that I talk to only when I want something?
- How has my day so far reflected my reliance on God? Would someone know that I am a Christian based on the way I go about my day? How?
Just as we are to be channels of grace for our spouses in marriage, we are to be channels of grace for our children.
Availability, Acceptance, and Help
Remember how St. Pope John Paul II defined love as “availability, acceptance, and help”? Holly Pierlot reflects that when she talks about the ways we can be available, accepting, and helpful for our children.
Availability
- Am I making eye contact?
- Do I get down on their level when we speak to each other?
- Am I spending more time looking at screens than into their eyes?
- Are we over scheduled? Am I over scheduled?
Acceptance
- Am I giving each child dedicated one-on-one time on a regular basis? (At our house, we call it “special time.”)
- Am I approaching parenting with a one size fits all approach, or am I trying to find our children’s unique strengths, weaknesses, talents, and interests? Am I accepting of each child’s uniqueness? Is my encouragement specific to them?
Help
- Am I doing what is best for our children?
- Do the kids have healthy limits?
- Are our days a good balance of work and play? (We like to call it “holy leisure”)
Questions for You:
- How would you describe your general day-to-day attitude toward parenting? Are you running on fumes?
- Revisit the list Holly Pierlot gives us for examining our attitude toward parenting.
- What area do you struggle the most with?
- Is there an area you’ve improved on? How? I’d love to hear how you’ve overcome a weakness in this area!
- How do you show your children that you are available, accepting, and helpful?
* * *
Next time I pick up the series, I’ll look at the last “P”: Provider. While a lot of it focuses on budget and financial stuff, much of the emphasis on our Provider role is an examination of where we are putting our trust and whether or not we are being good stewards of the gifts we have been given.
![Dinner Club for Underachievers – Inaugural Dinner Recap]()
by Catherine | Jan 27, 2015 | Uncategorized
If you don’t know what Dinner Club for Underachievers is all about, go back to this post where I introduce the concept.
The gist is this:
- As hosts, we provide the drinks, plates/napkins/utensils, and a few appetizers
- Everyone else is assigned an appetizer, side, entrée, or dessert
- Our kids are home with a sitter, but everyone else’s kids stay home to keep an adults only atmosphere (We fed our kids before the guests arrived, and they were happy to watch a movie on our bed with the sitter until bedtime. The sitter left after they went to sleep.)
- We have a dinner every other month
Philip and I hosted our inaugural Dinner Club for Underachievers dinner a few weeks ago, and it went smashingly!
The Logistics
Since we had 24 couples joining us (holy high RSVP rate!), I thought I would help smooth over everyone’s entrance by putting in some extra work for the first dinner.
First, I put this sign on the entry table:
Here’s the entry table in all its glory after the party:
I knew I’d probably be busy playing hostess and wouldn’t be able to greet everyone at the door (Note to self: Put a sign on the door next time that says, “Come on in!” for the next dinner), so I thought this would help direct traffic.
With so many guests, I thought it would be a nice hostess gesture to put out name tags. Everyone dutifully amused me. Guests were able to find their way around with the help of some signs I whipped up. For example, we hung this sign up above the doorway to the basement office.
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “You’re calling it an ‘Underachievers’ group, so what’s with the signs?” I knew I’d only have to make the signs once and re-use them for our future dinners, and they definitely helped everyone to find their way around.
After making their name tags and dropping off coats and purses, guests made their way to the kitchen where I had laid out laminated, tented signs in different spots on the counter that said:
- Appetizers
- Entrées
- Sides
- Desserts
That way, guests knew exactly where to put their contributions. Again, we were feeding 24 couples, so it helped everyone to know where to put things. I had put out all of my serving utensils on the kitchen counter for people to add to their dishes as needed.
I printed off all of the signs, laminated them, and kept them generic enough that we’ll be able to use them for future dinners. (They’re stowed away in my binder for next time.)
The Food
The theme was Mexican, and everyone definitely brought their “A”-game (even though I specifically said it was an UNDERachievers Dinner Club!).
If I were a real blogger (ha!), I would have snapped pictures of the all of the fare before we dug in. We had just the right amount of food. Having a spreadsheet with everyone’s RSVP status and food contribution helped. Even with a few last minute cancellations due to kids getting sick or life happening, we were in great shape.
Entrées
Sides
Desserts
Desserts Continued! Check out those adorable tres leches in their individual ramekins. I teased the girl who brought them that she’s fired from Dinner Club for UNDERachievers!
Drink
We don’t have a wet bar in our house. Instead of using our kitchen counter space, we thought we’d convert our pantry/laundry room into our cocktail and coffee bar! It actually worked really well. I probably should have taken pictures before guests arrived and the bar looked so empty and sad, but I was having too much fun!
Our pantry “bar.” Folding table for the cocktails and pop, area underneath for beer in coolers, recycling bin in back for bottles. Our washer and dryer served as a makeshift coffee bar.
Summer beer, sangria (extra fruit to spoon in), pop, water, ice
The beer – taken ten minutes before the last guests arrived
Coffee bar on top of the washer and dryer. Keurig, coffee pods in basket, creamers & horchata on ice, Kaluha ready for mixing nearby
Seating
We used the main floor and basement for our seating. We ended up borrowing a few card tables and folding chairs to get enough seats for everyone, and we ended up having room to spare. The only stressful part of the evening was when everyone had congregated in the kitchen at the beginning before we started eating. Philip kicked off the evening by getting on the step stool to get everyone’s attention. (He channeled his former summer camp cabin counselor.) He welcomed everyone, gave some instructions on where things were, led us in grace, and told everyone to dig in.)
I got a really crummy quality picture of people starting to eat the food. The appetizer table ended up becoming a bunch of sides since everyone was chatting so much that they forgot about them!
It’s tough to play hostess in a crowded kitchen at just 5’3″!
Basement seating: 2 banquet tables, 2 card tables, and furniture
Dining room and front living room with card table
The family room became the place for games. We had some seating in here for dinner, too.
The People
Few things make me happier than a house full of great people enjoying some great food and enjoying one another’s company
Philip and I even managed to get our picture taken
We had a great, great time! Aside from the initially congested kitchen, the whole evening was remarkably smooth for how large the party was. I learned a few ways to make things go even more smoothly next time, but I would say our inaugural Dinner Club for Underachievers dinner went great! Looking forward to the next one in March.
¡Olé!
![Put It To Work 12]()
by Catherine | Jan 26, 2015 | Faith
Another Monday means another opportunity to swap prayer intentions and start “putting them to work” for one another!
Here are my prayer intentions for the week:
- For my grandmother as she recovers from breaking her hip and continues to wage battle with Alzheimer’s. (Prayers of thanksgiving that she knew me by name when I came to visit. She hadn’t been able to do that for more than a year.)
- For a recommitment for all Catholic schools to keep Christ as the center of their mission as we celebrate Catholic Schools Week
- For a special intention
Your turn! What prayer intentions can I “put to work” for you this week? As always, I will add them to my prayer journal and pray for you by name throughout the week. I’ll bring them before Jesus tonight at my holy hour, too. Please share them in the comment box below, on the blog Facebook page, or send them to me via the “contact” form on the main menu bar. Thank you in advance for your prayers.
I hope you have a great week!
by Catherine | Jan 23, 2015 | Faith, Uncategorized
I thought I’d share a few of my favorite things I stumbled upon this week.
-1-
Our inaugural Dinner Club for Underachievers evening went splendidly! I’ll share more about our fun night another time.
Another Catholic blogger, Emily Stimpson, wrote this beautiful post called Pinterest Lies: The Secret to Successful Entertaining. Emily agrees that the success of a gathering with your favorite people is not determined by how Pinterest worthy it was. Hooray for underachieving and just going for it! My favorite part of her post was her willingness to share photos of the less than glamorous parts of her home (a grimy stove hood, a bowl catching a leak under a sink, etc.). If we wait until we have a perfect house to get together with friends, we’ll never see each other!
-2-
While I was watching EWTN’s coverage of the 2015 March for Life, they showed the full trailer of the upcoming movie The Drop Box. As the film website says,
The Drop Box tells the story of South Korean pastor Lee Jong-rak and his heroic efforts to embrace and protect the most vulnerable members of society. It is a heart-wrenching exploration of the physical, emotional and financial toll associated with providing refuge to orphans that would otherwise be abandoned on the streets. But The Drop Box movie is also a story of hope—a reminder that every human life is sacred and worthy of love.
South Korea is not the only country grappling with the issue of orphan care. Around the world, there are more than 150 million orphans waiting for forever families to call their own.
Watch the beautiful trailer. It’s well worth the 3:05.
<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”//www.youtube.com/embed/yTQ2VTf5vWc” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>
The Drop Box will be released in theaters starting March 3. To learn more about the stories behind the film, read the film’s blog.
-3-
Just in time for the March for Life, my dear friend Amanda Teixeira wrote this beautiful post for the FOCUS blog called, “Who are the real heroes of adoption?”
“We aren’t the heroes in adoption. We are simply a blessed couple who was entrusted with the most precious gift of all: a child. We didn’t do anything special or amazing other than stay open to God’s will for growing our family. We didn’t do anything superhuman.
Others did, though. I want to tell you about the people who get overlooked at times in our pro-life culture: the birth family, and in particular the birth mother.”
So awesome! Read the rest here.
-4-
Apparently I was inspired by a lot of March for Life related stuff this week. While I was doing dinner dishes, I listened to the 1/12/15 podcast of the Jennifer Fulwiler Show when she interviewed Eva Muntean, the co-founder of the West Coast Walk for Life and Ignatius Press marketing manager. Her story of escape from communism and appreciation of American freedom is remarkable! It is no wonder that she would go on to be a pro-life advocate for the weakest among us. Listen to the podcast for yourself.
-5-
Can we talk about how I nearly peed my pants when Jennifer Fulwiler shared this post with the latest details about The 2015 Edel Gathering?! Audrey Assad AND Jesus AND Haley Stewart are gonna be there?! It’s a Catholic girl’s dream come true!
-6-
I’m participating in a peg saint doll exchange, and I’m chomping at the bit to get started on painting my little St. Padre Pio! Do you have any of these peg saint dolls? I love how this blogger converted a shot glass display case into a fun way to display these little dolls. So cute!
-7-
Last week, we challenged our GodTeens to select a patron saint for 2015. Then, they were supposed to “introduce” the saint to the rest of us at the next meeting and explain why they picked him/her. Guess what??? Every teen that was at that meeting did their homework and put a lot of thought into it. Hearing their reasons for picking their patron was very inspiring.
If you’d like to find your own patron saint for 2015, it’s still January, so it’s not too late. If you’re stumped, maybe Jennifer Fulwiler’s Saint’s Name Generator can help you!
* * *
Head over to Kelly Mantoan’s blog This Ain’t The Lyceum for more 7QT posts!
![The 3rd "P" in Our Family's Rule of Life: Partner]()
by Catherine | Jan 22, 2015 | Marriage
In case you’ve missed the previous three posts in the series, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (based on Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life). Basically, a Rule of Life is an examination of your vocation and its essential duties so that you can put them into a proper schedule. After my introduction post in the series, I jumped into what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 P’s”:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ve already looked at Prayer and Person. Today, we’re moving on to the 3rd “P”: Partner. This post is all about how Philip and I are working to further nurture and strengthen our marriage.
One of my favorite pictures from our wedding day is this one:
During our nuptial Mass, our pastor gave us a crucifix that he blessed while we held it in our hands. He instructed us to hang the crucifix in a prominent place in our home as a reminder that our marriage is to mirror Christ’s love for His Church. Marriage, after all, is one of the sacraments of service. As Holly Pierlot wrote in A Mother’s Rule of Life, “The sacrament of marriage is meant to enable us to fulfill a mission–in this instance, a mission of service and love toward our spouse.” I love that our wise pastor reminded us of this sacred mission entrusted to us in the sacrament of marriage. When we live marriage well, we are channels of grace for our spouses and help them on their way to heaven.
In order to make sure that we remain channels of grace for one another, we are working on keeping these things in mind:
- Attribute only good motives to one another’s actions
- When faced with problems, treat it as “you and me vs. the problem” instead of “me vs. you”
- Before jumping in, ask ourselves, “Am I seeking my spouse’s good, or am I just trying to interfere?”
- Distinguish between emotions and facts (Remember my resolve to respond instead of react?)
- Sincerely desire to hear each other’s needs
- When disagreements arise: defer to the spouse who is the “expert” in the area, ask for outside advice when needed, and commit to both of us owning the decision
- Remember St. Pope John Paul II’s definition of love as “availability, acceptance, and help”
Date Night Selfie
I had some fun making a list of ways that I can show Philip how much I love him. I thought of ways I could help him other than regular housework, how I can show him that he is appreciated, ways I can make his life easier, and little things I can do to keep the spark going. Here are a few of the things I came up with:
- Put his favorite meals on the menu
- Leave little love notes in his workout bag, iPad case, or car sun visor
- Pack his lunches (he usually makes his own)
- Bake a special treat or a loaf of bread to go with dinner
- Take care of me like I did when we were dating (exercise, hair, makeup, etc.)
- Be attentive in conversation (eye contact, follow-up questions, put down all devices)
- Give him a warm homecoming (big hug and smooch, pause what I’m doing to welcome him home)
- Pray for him throughout the day
- Give him words of affirmation (general (that he’s a great dad, husband, son, doctor, friend, etc.) and specific (that he did a great job on a particular task, that I appreciate a specific personality trait, that he is handsome, funny, witty, romantic, etc.)
- Checking in on a regular basis to find out how we can further improve our intimate life
- Relinquish control and defer to Philip more often
- Take a more active role in planning our date nights
What are we doing on a regular basis to nurture our relationship?
- Regular time together after the kids go to bed (I stop doing housework after I close up the kitchen and we put kids to bed. We schedule pockets of time to work on projects throughout the week, but we largely set aside our evenings to be together.)
- Early bedtime to keep both of us rested (In bed at 9:30, lights out at 10)
- Family meeting every Sunday night to keep our week on track
- Scheduling an at-home date night during the week every week (sometimes it’s as simple as a glass of wine and cuddling on the couch)
- Regular date nights out of the house at least once a month
- Reading books about marriage together for our “bedtime book club” (we spend time reading before bed and will discuss what we’re reading)
- Couple prayer time before bed (Lately, we’ve been reading a reflection by Mother Angelica on one mystery of the Rosary, and Philip will lead us in praying a decade of the Rosary. Then, we’ll close with some spontaneous prayer.)
- Sharing a weekly holy hour (We alternate who goes each week while the other one stays home with the kids.)
- Working on the different areas of intimacy we learned during our engagement NFP training using the acronym SPICE
- Spiritual
- Physical
- Intellectual
- Communicative/Creative
- Emotional
- Finding regular opportunities to enrich our marriage. (We’re attending a Marriage Encounter retreat next month.)
- Scheduling time for each of us to have breaks, exercise, get out with friends, or work on a hobby
* * *
I am thrilled to share a fantastic resource with you! Remember how I’m a podcast junkie and especially love anything with Fr. John Riccardo? Well, my friends, Fr. Riccardo just launched a 5-week program at his parish in which he looks at the Biblical vision of marriage and family. I listened to Week 1 this morning as I worked on my morning jobs, and it was fantastic. (The sound cuts out in a few places, but the content is so rich that it’s worth fast forwarding through the spotty parts of the broadcast.) I’m going to ask Philip to listen to them with me as a mini marriage study. Perhaps you and your husband can do the same!
When I resume the series on our Family’s Rule of Life, we’ll look at the 4th “P”: Parent.
Questions for you:
How do you take care of your marriage? Have you let your marriage take a backseat to your children’s needs or the general busy-ness of life?
Make a list of all of the ways you can show your spouse that you love him/her. Try to do at least one of those things this week.
![The 3rd “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Partner]()
by Catherine | Jan 22, 2015 | Marriage
In case you’ve missed the previous three posts in the series, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (based on Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life). Basically, a Rule of Life is an examination of your vocation and its essential duties so that you can put them into a proper schedule. After my introduction post in the series, I jumped into what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 P’s”:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ve already looked at Prayer and Person. Today, we’re moving on to the 3rd “P”: Partner. This post is all about how Philip and I are working to further nurture and strengthen our marriage.
One of my favorite pictures from our wedding day is this one:
During our nuptial Mass, our pastor gave us a crucifix that he blessed while we held it in our hands. He instructed us to hang the crucifix in a prominent place in our home as a reminder that our marriage is to mirror Christ’s love for His Church. Marriage, after all, is one of the sacraments of service. As Holly Pierlot wrote in A Mother’s Rule of Life, “The sacrament of marriage is meant to enable us to fulfill a mission–in this instance, a mission of service and love toward our spouse.” I love that our wise pastor reminded us of this sacred mission entrusted to us in the sacrament of marriage. When we live marriage well, we are channels of grace for our spouses and help them on their way to heaven.
In order to make sure that we remain channels of grace for one another, we are working on keeping these things in mind:
- Attribute only good motives to one another’s actions
- When faced with problems, treat it as “you and me vs. the problem” instead of “me vs. you”
- Before jumping in, ask ourselves, “Am I seeking my spouse’s good, or am I just trying to interfere?”
- Distinguish between emotions and facts (Remember my resolve to respond instead of react?)
- Sincerely desire to hear each other’s needs
- When disagreements arise: defer to the spouse who is the “expert” in the area, ask for outside advice when needed, and commit to both of us owning the decision
- Remember St. Pope John Paul II’s definition of love as “availability, acceptance, and help”
Date Night Selfie
I had some fun making a list of ways that I can show Philip how much I love him. I thought of ways I could help him other than regular housework, how I can show him that he is appreciated, ways I can make his life easier, and little things I can do to keep the spark going. Here are a few of the things I came up with:
- Put his favorite meals on the menu
- Leave little love notes in his workout bag, iPad case, or car sun visor
- Pack his lunches (he usually makes his own)
- Bake a special treat or a loaf of bread to go with dinner
- Take care of me like I did when we were dating (exercise, hair, makeup, etc.)
- Be attentive in conversation (eye contact, follow-up questions, put down all devices)
- Give him a warm homecoming (big hug and smooch, pause what I’m doing to welcome him home)
- Pray for him throughout the day
- Give him words of affirmation (general (that he’s a great dad, husband, son, doctor, friend, etc.) and specific (that he did a great job on a particular task, that I appreciate a specific personality trait, that he is handsome, funny, witty, romantic, etc.)
- Checking in on a regular basis to find out how we can further improve our intimate life
- Relinquish control and defer to Philip more often
- Take a more active role in planning our date nights
What are we doing on a regular basis to nurture our relationship?
- Regular time together after the kids go to bed (I stop doing housework after I close up the kitchen and we put kids to bed. We schedule pockets of time to work on projects throughout the week, but we largely set aside our evenings to be together.)
- Early bedtime to keep both of us rested (In bed at 9:30, lights out at 10)
- Family meeting every Sunday night to keep our week on track
- Scheduling an at-home date night during the week every week (sometimes it’s as simple as a glass of wine and cuddling on the couch)
- Regular date nights out of the house at least once a month
- Reading books about marriage together for our “bedtime book club” (we spend time reading before bed and will discuss what we’re reading)
- Couple prayer time before bed (Lately, we’ve been reading a reflection by Mother Angelica on one mystery of the Rosary, and Philip will lead us in praying a decade of the Rosary. Then, we’ll close with some spontaneous prayer.)
- Sharing a weekly holy hour (We alternate who goes each week while the other one stays home with the kids.)
- Working on the different areas of intimacy we learned during our engagement NFP training using the acronym SPICE
- Spiritual
- Physical
- Intellectual
- Communicative/Creative
- Emotional
- Finding regular opportunities to enrich our marriage. (We’re attending a Marriage Encounter retreat next month.)
- Scheduling time for each of us to have breaks, exercise, get out with friends, or work on a hobby
* * *
I am thrilled to share a fantastic resource with you! Remember how I’m a podcast junkie and especially love anything with Fr. John Riccardo? Well, my friends, Fr. Riccardo just launched a 5-week program at his parish in which he looks at the Biblical vision of marriage and family. I listened to Week 1 this morning as I worked on my morning jobs, and it was fantastic. (The sound cuts out in a few places, but the content is so rich that it’s worth fast forwarding through the spotty parts of the broadcast.) I’m going to ask Philip to listen to them with me as a mini marriage study. Perhaps you and your husband can do the same!
When I resume the series on our Family’s Rule of Life, we’ll look at the 4th “P”: Parent.
Questions for you:
How do you take care of your marriage? Have you let your marriage take a backseat to your children’s needs or the general busy-ness of life?
Make a list of all of the ways you can show your spouse that you love him/her. Try to do at least one of those things this week.
![The 2nd "P" in Our Family's Rule of Life: Person]()
by Catherine | Jan 21, 2015 | Faith, Family, The Homefront
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life.) This is my third post in the series.
In the first post, I:
- explained what a “Rule of Life” is
- discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties
- shared our family’s mission statement
- set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”
The 5 P’s are:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
In the second post, I discussed the 1st “P”: Prayer.
Today, I’m jumping into the 2nd “P”: Person. In a nutshell, “Person” encompasses everything related to what’s going on with us physically, what’s happening internally, and how/why we’re doing and acting the way we are. The goal in searching out all of this self-knowledge is for us to gain true humility–to see ourselves as we really are. When we’re able to do that, we will realize how dependent we are on God, we will be emboldened to use our gifts, and we will be more motivated to improve on our weaknesses.
My study of “Person” involved 3 major umbrella topics:
- Healing (purifying pain vs. pain in need of healing)
- Spiritual Direction (Freedom and Integrity)
- Personal Needs
Healing
We all have pain, but Holly Pierlot provided a distinction between purifying pain and pain in need of healing that was a big help to me.
Purifying pain brings with it the grace to accept it, and to give oneself trustingly, offering oneself to the Father with Jesus. Pain in need of healing brings despair and discouragement.
In other words, God does not expect us to shoulder every cross that comes our way. While some pain can be purifying (it strengthens our resolve to live a life of heroic virtue) and can lead us closer to God, there is some pain that we should seek healing from. Keeping this in mind, I decided to make a few appointments for myself.
Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Without getting into all of the details (especially for my male readers!), let’s just say that an OBGYN is going to help get everything back in place that has been out of place.
A blood panel with my new internist revealed some hormonal irregularities and deficiencies. I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuper low on Vitamin D, and my progesterone levels were low, too. I’m managing them with medication and supplements to get things where they should be.
Non-Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Remember those 4 questions that are helping me to respond instead of react? Slowly but surely, I’m learning that I allow past hurts to dictate my reactions. I’m going to start meeting with a psychologist through Catholic Social Services to help me get to the bottom of things, teach me new anger management strategies, and work to heal those past hurts.
Spiritual Direction
Remember how I made a 2015 Board of Spiritual Directors? I’ve already gained so much from those holy men and women, but I’m still hoping to have my own personal spiritual director that I can meet with on a monthly basis. The goal is to find him/her by the end of the month so that I can start working with him/her toward Christian freedom. As Holly Pierlot’s university professor, Fr. Tom Daley, told her, “Freedom is taking responsibility for who you are to become.” When I decide to take responsibility for who it is that God is calling me to be, I will experience Christian freedom. In order to do that, I need to work toward becoming ordered internally. Holly Pierlot says, “The only way to get closer to God was to become ordered enough inside to enable me to experience him within.” My hope is that my spiritual director will help me to see what I am allowing to prevent me from having that internal order, and what I can do to change that.
Personal Needs
We all have our unique needs that help us to stay ordered internally. For me, they are:
- Quiet
- Personal morning prayer while the house is quiet
- Wednesday afternoon “Mother’s Helper”
- A high school neighbor girl watches the kids for two hours in the afternoon every Wednesday. I use the time for whatever I’d like as a mid-week recharge–blogging, running errands, a craft, meal prep, sewing, or a household project.
- Mother’s Sabbath
- Every other Saturday, I get to spend a few hours out of the house to recharge. I don’t have a set agenda, but I like I go to the Catholic bookstore, sit at a nearby coffee shop, work on the blog, read, or write in my prayer journal. One Saturday a month, I am making it a goal to end that time in confession.
- Exercise
- Philip and I came up with a schedule so that we can take turns getting in a workout in the morning.
- I take Monty for walks around the neighborhood after dinner while Philip gives the kids baths and gets them ready for bed. (As they’re finishing their evening chores, I come back to finish the dinner dishes and close up the kitchen for the night.)
- Nutritious Food
- Continued meal planning and scheduled date nights at new restaurants keep us from veering away from a planned, nutritious meal
- Rest
- Philip and I instituted an early bedtime. During the week, we are supposed to be in bed at 9:30 and have our lights out at 10. We have our good nights, but we have been staying up later this past week to spend more time together.
- We still take “family naps” on the weekends.
- Friendship
- Dinner Club for Underachievers (The inaugural dinner this past weekend was a big success, and we are excited to have this regular fixture on our calendar)
- Bunco one Friday night a month
- Weekly Bible study
- Occasional dinners out with friends
- Regularly scheduled playdates
- Intellectual Stimulation
- Regular pockets of time to read (after morning prayer, during the kids’ naps, or before bed)
Questions for you:
What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you allowing the vocation as a wife or mother to become an excuse to ignore your own personal needs? How can you enlist your husband, wife, children, or friends to help you to take better care of yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas!
* * *
Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at the 3rd “P”: Partner. As you might expect, this one is all about marriage. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life learning about this “P”!
![The 2nd “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Person]()
by Catherine | Jan 21, 2015 | Faith, Family, The Homefront
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life.) This is my third post in the series.
In the first post, I:
- explained what a “Rule of Life” is
- discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties
- shared our family’s mission statement
- set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”
The 5 P’s are:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
In the second post, I discussed the 1st “P”: Prayer.
Today, I’m jumping into the 2nd “P”: Person. In a nutshell, “Person” encompasses everything related to what’s going on with us physically, what’s happening internally, and how/why we’re doing and acting the way we are. The goal in searching out all of this self-knowledge is for us to gain true humility–to see ourselves as we really are. When we’re able to do that, we will realize how dependent we are on God, we will be emboldened to use our gifts, and we will be more motivated to improve on our weaknesses.
My study of “Person” involved 3 major umbrella topics:
- Healing (purifying pain vs. pain in need of healing)
- Spiritual Direction (Freedom and Integrity)
- Personal Needs
Healing
We all have pain, but Holly Pierlot provided a distinction between purifying pain and pain in need of healing that was a big help to me.
Purifying pain brings with it the grace to accept it, and to give oneself trustingly, offering oneself to the Father with Jesus. Pain in need of healing brings despair and discouragement.
In other words, God does not expect us to shoulder every cross that comes our way. While some pain can be purifying (it strengthens our resolve to live a life of heroic virtue) and can lead us closer to God, there is some pain that we should seek healing from. Keeping this in mind, I decided to make a few appointments for myself.
Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Without getting into all of the details (especially for my male readers!), let’s just say that an OBGYN is going to help get everything back in place that has been out of place.
A blood panel with my new internist revealed some hormonal irregularities and deficiencies. I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuper low on Vitamin D, and my progesterone levels were low, too. I’m managing them with medication and supplements to get things where they should be.
Non-Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Remember those 4 questions that are helping me to respond instead of react? Slowly but surely, I’m learning that I allow past hurts to dictate my reactions. I’m going to start meeting with a psychologist through Catholic Social Services to help me get to the bottom of things, teach me new anger management strategies, and work to heal those past hurts.
Spiritual Direction
Remember how I made a 2015 Board of Spiritual Directors? I’ve already gained so much from those holy men and women, but I’m still hoping to have my own personal spiritual director that I can meet with on a monthly basis. The goal is to find him/her by the end of the month so that I can start working with him/her toward Christian freedom. As Holly Pierlot’s university professor, Fr. Tom Daley, told her, “Freedom is taking responsibility for who you are to become.” When I decide to take responsibility for who it is that God is calling me to be, I will experience Christian freedom. In order to do that, I need to work toward becoming ordered internally. Holly Pierlot says, “The only way to get closer to God was to become ordered enough inside to enable me to experience him within.” My hope is that my spiritual director will help me to see what I am allowing to prevent me from having that internal order, and what I can do to change that.
Personal Needs
We all have our unique needs that help us to stay ordered internally. For me, they are:
- Quiet
- Personal morning prayer while the house is quiet
- Wednesday afternoon “Mother’s Helper”
- A high school neighbor girl watches the kids for two hours in the afternoon every Wednesday. I use the time for whatever I’d like as a mid-week recharge–blogging, running errands, a craft, meal prep, sewing, or a household project.
- Mother’s Sabbath
- Every other Saturday, I get to spend a few hours out of the house to recharge. I don’t have a set agenda, but I like I go to the Catholic bookstore, sit at a nearby coffee shop, work on the blog, read, or write in my prayer journal. One Saturday a month, I am making it a goal to end that time in confession.
- Exercise
- Philip and I came up with a schedule so that we can take turns getting in a workout in the morning.
- I take Monty for walks around the neighborhood after dinner while Philip gives the kids baths and gets them ready for bed. (As they’re finishing their evening chores, I come back to finish the dinner dishes and close up the kitchen for the night.)
- Nutritious Food
- Continued meal planning and scheduled date nights at new restaurants keep us from veering away from a planned, nutritious meal
- Rest
- Philip and I instituted an early bedtime. During the week, we are supposed to be in bed at 9:30 and have our lights out at 10. We have our good nights, but we have been staying up later this past week to spend more time together.
- We still take “family naps” on the weekends.
- Friendship
- Dinner Club for Underachievers (The inaugural dinner this past weekend was a big success, and we are excited to have this regular fixture on our calendar)
- Bunco one Friday night a month
- Weekly Bible study
- Occasional dinners out with friends
- Regularly scheduled playdates
- Intellectual Stimulation
- Regular pockets of time to read (after morning prayer, during the kids’ naps, or before bed)
Questions for you:
What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you allowing the vocation as a wife or mother to become an excuse to ignore your own personal needs? How can you enlist your husband, wife, children, or friends to help you to take better care of yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas!
* * *
Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at the 3rd “P”: Partner. As you might expect, this one is all about marriage. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life learning about this “P”!
![Put It To Work 11]()
by Catherine | Jan 19, 2015 | Faith
Happy Monday! You know what that means — it’s time to Put It To Work! We’re gonna take St. Pope John Paul II’s advice to stop wasting our suffering and start putting it to work by uniting it to the cross. Mondays, which can be a stressful or chaotic day, is the perfect time for us to set our sights on God and swap prayer intentions with the promise of “putting them to work” for one another.
Instead of allowing today to turn into a “manic Monday,” we’ll actively unite any little suffering we might have during the week to the cross for the other person’s intention.
Here are my intentions for the week:
- For one of Philip’s colleagues whose mother passed away, and for safe travels for all of those who are attending the funeral today.
- For my Aunt Debby and all of those who are looking for a new job.
- Please continue to pray for my friend, Nicole, and her family as they shoulder the heavy cross of miscarriage. (You can read about their baby Samuel’s story here.)
- For a special intention.
Your turn! What intentions can I start “putting to work” for you this week? I will add them to my prayer journal and pray for you by name throughout the week. Please share them in the comment box below, on the blog Facebook page, or send them to me via the “contact” form on the main menu bar.
Thank you for your prayers!
![7QT: Dinner Club for Underachievers]()
by Catherine | Jan 16, 2015 | Marriage
I tell ya, I have very few original ideas.
Introducing…
-1-
Last month, I was listening to a podcast of the Jennifer Fulwiler Show. Her friend and guest, Rachael, explained her twist on dinner club called “Dinner Club for Underachievers.” If you want to listen to the podcast and read more about my inspiration, click here.
Their Dinner Club for Underachievers looks like this:
- Couples take turn hosting the dinner club
- The hosts do not have to provide any food — they just provide drinks and paper plates and utensils
- Each guest brings a dish (appetizer, main course, or dessert)
- The guests don’t bring kids (but the host’s kids can stay there)
- We gather every other month
-2-
I told Philip about the podcast and explained the gist to him. Together, we decided to create our own Dinner Club for Underachievers. We loved the idea because it made the idea of a fancy schmancy dinner club so much more accessible for young couples–especially those with little ones at home. We wanted a regular opportunity to gather the couples we know for some food, drinks, and fun. While I have had several opportunities to make friends through the parish and play dates, Philip has had few opportunities outside of work. We thought this would be a great chance to get the couples together and give the guys a chance to get together without organizing something themselves. Maybe they’ll do that down the road!
-3-
We decided upon these general guidelines for our Dinner Club for Underachievers:
- The group will meet every odd month of the year
- Unless someone else wants to, we’re happy to continue hosting each time
- A sitter will help with our kids, and everyone else’s kids will stay home
- We’ll take care of a few appetizers, drinks, paper plates/plastic utensils
- Other couples are assigned an appetizer, entrée, side, or dessert (and are instructed how many servings to provide). We reminded them that it’s a Dinner Club for Underachievers, so they better not be slaving over their contribution in the kitchen.
-4-
As we set about creating our guest list, we decided it would *NOT* be an exclusive group. (If you’re reading this and you were inadvertently left off of the guest list, I apologize! You’re more than welcome to join us for the next one in March–really! The more the merrier!) So, that being said, we had a long list of guests that we invited, assuming that several would have a conflict or wouldn’t want to commit. We wanted to have a large group so that the party can still go on when life happens and a few couples have to bow out. As the guest on the Jennifer Fulwiler show said, sometimes they might end up with more sides than entrées because of last minute cancellations, but they always have plenty of food because of the large guest list. She said nobody complains if that happens because they’re mostly young couples with little kids. They’re so happy to be out of the house that they barely notice the food!
-5-
As it turns out, almost everyone we invited to our “Dinner Club for Underachievers” thought it sounded as fantastic as we did! The thought process seemed to be, “No kids? Uninterrupted adult conversation? Easy food contribution? SOLD!” Nearly everyone that we invited RSVP’d “yes,” so it’s gonna be a full house!
-6-
Since we’re only responsible for providing the plates/utensils, a few apps, and drinks, hosting isn’t nearly as stressful as it would be if we were making the whole meal like dinner club hosts usually do. This frees us up to make some fun drinks (stay tuned to find out what’s at the bar) and add little perks to the evening to make it more enjoyable for the guests.
-7-
Pray that the neighbors don’t call the police as our street is overtaken by cars. We’re just young people looking to have a good time with our friends! I’ll share pictures and other details after the event. Stay tuned…
To read more 7QT posts, head over to Kelly Mantoan’s hilarious blog, This Ain’t the Lyceum.
![The 1st "P" in Our Family's Rule of Life: Prayer]()
by Catherine | Jan 16, 2015 | Faith
Yesterday, I shared that I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book A Mother’s Rule of Life). If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read yesterday’s post. I explained what a “Rule of Life” is, discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties, shared our family’s mission statement, and set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”
The 5 P’s are:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Today, let’s look at the 1st P: Prayer
I’m a very visual learner, and I love schedules, so reading how Holly Pierlot laid out her prayer routine in A Mother’s Rule of Life was very helpful. Thanks be to God, my prayer life continues to deepen and change since I first wrote about it last February, so I wanted to revisit things in the blog.
What hasn’t changed is the necessity of routinizing our days. Without a schedule, my prayer life flounders. As Holly Pierlot says, “God isn’t so obviously urgent, because he doesn’t pester us for our attention like our children or a sloppy house can.” I followed Holly’s advice to come up with a list of all of the different prayers/practices that I want to comprise my spiritual life. As I’m writing this, that means:
- My personal daily prayers (More on my personal routine below)
- Family evening prayer (Share intentions, teach the children a new prayer each month, and our standard bedtime prayers – Guardian Angel prayer, and say “God bless ______” every member of the family)
- Couple prayer before bed (Read a reflection on a mystery of the Rosary and pray one decade together followed by spontaneous prayer and intentions)
- Shared holy hour (Philip and I alternate attending a shared holy hour once a week)
- Mass (Every Sunday and a goal of starting 2x/month with the kids to daily Mass)
- Confession once a month during my “Mother’s Sabbath” on Saturday afternoons
- Finding a spiritual director (by the end of this month) and starting monthly meetings
After making the list, Holly says we have to find pockets of time for those things before everything else. Otherwise, they’ll get relegated away to the things that seem more “obviously urgent.” So, I set about finding regular, dependable pockets of time when I could have my personal prayer, we could come together as a family, and Philip and I could pray together as a couple. Routinizing our prayer lives has helped us to stay on track. Today, I thought I’d dive a little deeper into my personal prayer routine to give you an idea of what it looks like. I’m mainly focusing on my morning, afternoon, and evening prayers, but know that we have family prayer and couple prayer mixed in there throughout the day.
Morning Prayer
I love how I’ve been starting my days. I set my alarm to 5:45 so that I can get up and have some dedicated quiet prayer time before my day starts. There is no way I would be successful at having my quiet prayer time if I didn’t have Philip. We’ve been working on “training” Jane and Walt (our preschoolers) to stay in their rooms until 6:30. (More on the morning routine and how we juggle everything in a future post on our schedule.) Philip helps to keep things reasonably quiet and starts breakfast on the days that he’s not going to the gym. Meanwhile, I retreat downstairs.
First, the coffee. Morning prayer demands coffee, and my coffee demands a whole lotta delicious creamer.
Then, I find my morning prayer materials:
My prayer journal is a simple, lined leather-bound journal that I bought last year at Walmart.
When I came up with this new prayer routine, I decided to add a few things to my journal to personalize it. I thought it would be helpful if I typed up and included my prayer routine on the inside front cover. This way, I would have it handy as I memorized when I would include the various practices during the day.
Opposite my prayer routine is a typed-up version of the Morning Offering.
I simply printed off the docs and taped them inside of my journal.
With my materials ready to go, I close my eyes. I start by asking God to help me quiet my mind, I ask Him to open my ears and soften my heart. Then, I start by journaling my little conversations with God. After saying “hello,” I open up to the daily readings. Then, I might find a corresponding passage from the Catechism, read a Gospel reflection, or journal whatever God is putting on my heart. Afterward, I’ll choose a vice to tackle for the day and think of a penance for every time I fail. I’ll review my daily schedule, asking God to sanctify our day. Then, I’ll close with a Morning Offering.
Kid Naptime
During the kids’ naps (and Jane’s quiet time), I give myself more flexibility and choose from a variety of things:
- Consider my progress in tackling the virtue I want to work on, renew my desire to change
- Read my current spiritual reading material (usually something written by a member of my Board of Spiritual Directors or something about my vocation)
- Read a psalm
- Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet
On the inside back cover of my prayer journal is a typed-up version of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I like to listen to some beautiful versions of the chaplet being sung on Spotify. Do you have a favorite version to share?
Bedtime
After Philip and I have our couple prayer time and I drift off to sleep, I like to review the hours of the day and do an examination of conscience. I close by praying the Act of Contrition, and I add my other favorite prayers (Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, Memorare, St. Michael). I like to do my formal examination of conscience on Saturdays during my “Mother’s Sabbath.”
Questions for you:
What does your prayer life look like these days? Have you found a routine that’s working for you? What is helping you to stick with it? If not, what are the obstacles?
* * *
Tomorrow, we’ll take a little break from our Family’s Rule of Life for a fun post. I’ll pick up next time with the 2nd P, Person.
![The 1st “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Prayer]()
by Catherine | Jan 16, 2015 | Faith
Yesterday, I shared that I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book A Mother’s Rule of Life). If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read yesterday’s post. I explained what a “Rule of Life” is, discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties, shared our family’s mission statement, and set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”
The 5 P’s are:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Today, let’s look at the 1st P: Prayer
I’m a very visual learner, and I love schedules, so reading how Holly Pierlot laid out her prayer routine in A Mother’s Rule of Life was very helpful. Thanks be to God, my prayer life continues to deepen and change since I first wrote about it last February, so I wanted to revisit things in the blog.
What hasn’t changed is the necessity of routinizing our days. Without a schedule, my prayer life flounders. As Holly Pierlot says, “God isn’t so obviously urgent, because he doesn’t pester us for our attention like our children or a sloppy house can.” I followed Holly’s advice to come up with a list of all of the different prayers/practices that I want to comprise my spiritual life. As I’m writing this, that means:
- My personal daily prayers (More on my personal routine below)
- Family evening prayer (Share intentions, teach the children a new prayer each month, and our standard bedtime prayers – Guardian Angel prayer, and say “God bless ______” every member of the family)
- Couple prayer before bed (Read a reflection on a mystery of the Rosary and pray one decade together followed by spontaneous prayer and intentions)
- Shared holy hour (Philip and I alternate attending a shared holy hour once a week)
- Mass (Every Sunday and a goal of starting 2x/month with the kids to daily Mass)
- Confession once a month during my “Mother’s Sabbath” on Saturday afternoons
- Finding a spiritual director (by the end of this month) and starting monthly meetings
After making the list, Holly says we have to find pockets of time for those things before everything else. Otherwise, they’ll get relegated away to the things that seem more “obviously urgent.” So, I set about finding regular, dependable pockets of time when I could have my personal prayer, we could come together as a family, and Philip and I could pray together as a couple. Routinizing our prayer lives has helped us to stay on track. Today, I thought I’d dive a little deeper into my personal prayer routine to give you an idea of what it looks like. I’m mainly focusing on my morning, afternoon, and evening prayers, but know that we have family prayer and couple prayer mixed in there throughout the day.
Morning Prayer
I love how I’ve been starting my days. I set my alarm to 5:45 so that I can get up and have some dedicated quiet prayer time before my day starts. There is no way I would be successful at having my quiet prayer time if I didn’t have Philip. We’ve been working on “training” Jane and Walt (our preschoolers) to stay in their rooms until 6:30. (More on the morning routine and how we juggle everything in a future post on our schedule.) Philip helps to keep things reasonably quiet and starts breakfast on the days that he’s not going to the gym. Meanwhile, I retreat downstairs.
First, the coffee. Morning prayer demands coffee, and my coffee demands a whole lotta delicious creamer.
Then, I find my morning prayer materials:
My prayer journal is a simple, lined leather-bound journal that I bought last year at Walmart.
When I came up with this new prayer routine, I decided to add a few things to my journal to personalize it. I thought it would be helpful if I typed up and included my prayer routine on the inside front cover. This way, I would have it handy as I memorized when I would include the various practices during the day.
Opposite my prayer routine is a typed-up version of the Morning Offering.
I simply printed off the docs and taped them inside of my journal.
With my materials ready to go, I close my eyes. I start by asking God to help me quiet my mind, I ask Him to open my ears and soften my heart. Then, I start by journaling my little conversations with God. After saying “hello,” I open up to the daily readings. Then, I might find a corresponding passage from the Catechism, read a Gospel reflection, or journal whatever God is putting on my heart. Afterward, I’ll choose a vice to tackle for the day and think of a penance for every time I fail. I’ll review my daily schedule, asking God to sanctify our day. Then, I’ll close with a Morning Offering.
Kid Naptime
During the kids’ naps (and Jane’s quiet time), I give myself more flexibility and choose from a variety of things:
- Consider my progress in tackling the virtue I want to work on, renew my desire to change
- Read my current spiritual reading material (usually something written by a member of my Board of Spiritual Directors or something about my vocation)
- Read a psalm
- Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet
On the inside back cover of my prayer journal is a typed-up version of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I like to listen to some beautiful versions of the chaplet being sung on Spotify. Do you have a favorite version to share?
Bedtime
After Philip and I have our couple prayer time and I drift off to sleep, I like to review the hours of the day and do an examination of conscience. I close by praying the Act of Contrition, and I add my other favorite prayers (Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, Memorare, St. Michael). I like to do my formal examination of conscience on Saturdays during my “Mother’s Sabbath.”
Questions for you:
What does your prayer life look like these days? Have you found a routine that’s working for you? What is helping you to stick with it? If not, what are the obstacles?
* * *
Tomorrow, we’ll take a little break from our Family’s Rule of Life for a fun post. I’ll pick up next time with the 2nd P, Person.
![Over at CatholicMom: Responding Instead of Reacting]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Family, Marriage
One of my many resolutions in 2015 is to start responding instead of reacting.
What’s the difference between responding and reacting? Here are a few words I would use to describe the two options we have when conflict arises.
Reacting:
- Immediate
- Fight/flight
- Feeling like a victim
- Emotional
- Impulsive
- Not gathering all of the information
- Passive aggressive
- Short-sighted
- Overreacting
- Jumping to conclusions
- Avoiding
- Unproductive
Responding:
- Open
- Listening (though not always agreeing)
- Respecting (though not always agreeing)
- Loving (though not always agreeing)
- Deliberate
- Thoughtful
- Rational
- Taking responsibility
- Productive
- Solution-based
- Cooperative
- Collaborative
It is so, so, so easy for me to jump into a habit of reacting when I’m in survival mode. The stressor could be the holidays, illness, having a newborn, a teething toddler, a preschooler waging an epic battle of wills, a stressed out husband, or the day-to-day demands of running a home with a growing family. It’s easy for me to pick any of those opportunities to start (over)reacting all over the place…[Read the rest at CatholicMom]
![Revisiting Our Family’s Rule of Life]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
I first read Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life back in Lent 2014. As part of my Lenten mission, I came up with a rough sketch of our Family Rule of Life. Since then, we have moved to a new house in a new city. Now that we’re settled, the kids are back in the school routine, and the craziness of the holidays are over, I’m ready to share how I started revisiting our Family Rule of Life during Advent. While my vocation and its essential duties remain the same, our surroundings, the children’s development, our relationships with God and each other have changed significantly.
Before I jump in, let’s circle back to revisit a few things:
First, what’s a “Rule of Life”?
Holly Pierlot defines a rule of life as an “examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
Before I pulled together the first draft of our schedule last year, I needed to determine:
- What’s my vocation? (My answer is what I call this the proper hierarchy of relationships. The order is very intentional here.)
- Child of God
- Wife
- Mother
- What are the essential duties that my vocation entails?
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well. (My duties to self will be explored more with the 2nd P, Person.)
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Saint Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (Ever hear of SPICE in your NFP training? We are to be available to our spouses Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Creatively, Emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that it is a “call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, it’s my job as a mother to raise my children to become saints.
With my vocation and essential duties at the forefront of our minds, Philip and I worked together last year to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is a domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I still want to get our family mission statement on canvas to hang in our kitchen. Any suggestions on a great Etsy shop or artist?
With my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I set out to re-draft our family’s schedule. A lot has changed in one year! In order to do that, I re-examined what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Your Turn:
- What would you consider the essential duties of your vocation?
- If you had a family mission statement, what would it say?
- Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today?
- What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties?
- Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources. I would LOVE to go through the 5 P’s with you!
![Revisiting Our Family's Rule of Life]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
I first read Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life back in Lent 2014. As part of my Lenten mission, I came up with a rough sketch of our Family Rule of Life. Since then, we have moved to a new house in a new city. Now that we’re settled, the kids are back in the school routine, and the craziness of the holidays are over, I’m ready to share how I started revisiting our Family Rule of Life during Advent. While my vocation and its essential duties remain the same, our surroundings, the children’s development, our relationships with God and each other have changed significantly.
Before I jump in, let’s circle back to revisit a few things:
First, what’s a “Rule of Life”?
Holly Pierlot defines a rule of life as an “examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
Before I pulled together the first draft of our schedule last year, I needed to determine:
- What’s my vocation? (My answer is what I call this the proper hierarchy of relationships. The order is very intentional here.)
- Child of God
- Wife
- Mother
- What are the essential duties that my vocation entails?
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well. (My duties to self will be explored more with the 2nd P, Person.)
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Saint Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (Ever hear of SPICE in your NFP training? We are to be available to our spouses Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Creatively, Emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that it is a “call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, it’s my job as a mother to raise my children to become saints.
With my vocation and essential duties at the forefront of our minds, Philip and I worked together last year to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is a domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I still want to get our family mission statement on canvas to hang in our kitchen. Any suggestions on a great Etsy shop or artist?
With my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I set out to re-draft our family’s schedule. A lot has changed in one year! In order to do that, I re-examined what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Your Turn:
- What would you consider the essential duties of your vocation?
- If you had a family mission statement, what would it say?
- Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today?
- What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties?
- Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources. I would LOVE to go through the 5 P’s with you!
