![The 4th "P" in Our Rule of Life: Parent]()
by Catherine | Mar 12, 2014 | Family, The Homefront
Whew, it’s been waaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than I intended to return to the 5 P’s of our family’s rule of life. It turns out selling a home with three small children is no small feat! The good news is that St. Joseph is THE MAN, and he has already proven himself a powerful intercessor for our family. Please join us as we pray the Novena to St. Joseph! (We’re on Day 3 to culminate on his feast day next Wednesday, but you can pray these prayers anytime.)
In case you’ve missed my previous posts in this series, I decided as part of my Lenten mission to create a Boucher Family Rule of Life. It’s based off of Holly Pierlot’s book A Mother’s Rule of Life. In previous posts in this series, I wrote about:
Today, I’m tackling the 4th “P”: Parent.
As a former high school Spanish teacher, I can tell you what a difference it makes when parents take their role as primary educators of their children seriously. It was easy to identify children who came from homes where their parents led as primary educators instead of passing the buck along to the teachers at school.
Regardless of whether or not God calls me to homeschool at any time, I will always be my children’s primary educator. Holly Pierlot calls a mother’s role as a primary educator to her children the “mission of motherhood.” That means I need to give this whole stay-at-home mom gig the dignity it deserves–even if the world doesn’t. I need to take seriously the impact day-to-day living in this domestic church has on all of the members of our family. I need to take seriously the impact our children’s witness will have in our local community and larger society as they leave the four walls of our home.
Now, in the midst of the diapers, dirty dishes, and mountains of laundry, I need to recognize how irreplaceable my presence is to my children. It’s not just my job to watch them like some kind of glorified babysitter. I’m supposed to be helping to form them. In A Mother’s Rule of Life, Holly Pierlot talks about coming to the realization that “parents image God’s work at creation.”
 |
| From the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the Creation of Adam. |
Holly expands the metaphor, describing the parallels between the work that God performed back in Genesis with Adam and Eve and the work that we perform as parents:
- Provide food and shelter
- Create a paradise (our homes are to be a “mini-paradise,” “a place of beauty and peace and harmony”
- Be in close communication
- Infuse them with knowledge for their survival (temporally and eternally) and equip them to be good stewards of creation
- Teach them the value of work and delegate responsibility
- Govern, lead, and discipline
- Forgive children for trespasses, “cover their sins with love,” but teach them “the just consequences of their actions”
After looking at all of those responsibilities we have as parents, especially as mothers, it’s hard to view our work as ordinary and meaningless. I love, love, love Holly’s definition of what it means to provide our children with a Catholic education. She says that parenting “is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” Dang. Re-read that. Pope Pius XI had another way of saying that. He said, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” Ultimately, both Holly Pierlot and Pope Pius XI are saying that our homes need to be domestic churches where we propel our children along the path to sainthood.
That goal became very real for Philip and I when we miscarried our baby, Thérèse, at 12 weeks. We entrust her to God’s mercy and believe that she is in heaven (and, therefore, a saint). We frequently ask her for her intercession. Being separated from Therese further inspires us to get every member of our family to heaven.
That all sounds fine and dandy, but let’s “get down to brass tacks” and talk about how to make that goal happen practically. To help our kiddos get an “ST” in front of their names, I re-read the section on parenting in Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life. Here are a few areas I considered and used to create a saint-making action plan:
Open up the channel of grace to God
- Attend daily Mass at least once a week in addition to Sunday Mass
- Monthly confession for everyone that’s old enough (put it on the calendar!)
- Family prayer time (morning, mid-day, after dinner & bedtime prayer together)
- Access to sacramentals and prayer aids (Holy water, Rosaries, Bibles, lives of the saints, etc.)
- Pray for the children (ask for their intentions, spontaneously offer prayer throughout the day, and pray with Philip for the children before bed)
- Dedicate formal & informal teaching times to talk about & celebrate the saint of the day, virt
ues, current events in the Church, parts of the Mass, feast days, baptismal anniversaries (start with “Circle Time” in the morning and build from there)
Consider if I’m Being a Channel of God’s Love
- Model the behaviors I’m asking of other members of the family. Am I revealing God’s love to them in the way I treat them? (Examine this during my weekly Examination of Conscience)
- Be available and treat my children as my vocation instead of an obstacle to it – stop whatever I’m doing, make eye contact, listen, and respond with love
- Treat my children as the unique children of God that they are (identify their strengths & weaknesses, encourage them, and help them in whatever appropriate ways possible)
- Do what’s best for them (food, sleep, appropriate chores, playtime, surprise activities for refreshment)
Discipline
- Maintain the children’s free will like God does. Teach them to accept negative consequences instead of trying to bend their wills.
- Consider if the child’s behavior is an isolated act or a habit of disobedience. (If it’s habitual behavior, consider the root cause, and work to find a solution.)
Consistency
- Make sure what I’m asking is reasonable & justified, and take the time to enforce it
Create Opportunities for Them to Exercise Freedom Within a Framework
- Allow them to make choices (clothing, menu planning, recreation activities, etc.)
- Help weigh the options (what’s good & what’s not)
- Discuss potential consequences
- Let them make the decision and face the consequences
Find a Place for Everything
- Maintain outer order in the home to create inner order for everyone
- Teach the children where things go
- Take the time to enforce that things need to be put back “home” instead of doing it myself
Find a Time for Everything
- Hygiene
- Exercise
- God time (prayer, Mass, confession, etc.)
- Learning (formal & informal learning, homework)
- Recreation (sports, hobbies, friends)
- Meals (including preparation & clean-up)
- Cleaning
- Laundry
- Sleep & rest
- Set aside time to teach the components of the routine
Set the Family Up for Success to Start the Routine
- Create, print, & laminate charts for various tasks around the home to teach the children (bathroom, getting dressed, laundry, meal clean-up, etc.)
- Make time to teach to reduce frustration for everyone
- Observe the children working and revise when necessary
- Re-teach and model
- Adjust expectations
- Provide motivation (creating a reward system to implement by the end of Lent)
- Teach the importance of hard work
- Teach about redemptive suffering (and enter into it with them!)
- Suggest ways to make the work easier
- Change the time of day they are performing the task
- Allow them to choose tasks
- Read stories of saints that exhibit determination or hard work
- Use logical consequences
- Remove privileges
- Make sure everyone is getting the grace they need to perform their duties
- Specifically, how do you open up the channels of grace to God for every member of your family?
- How do you hold yourself accountable to be a channel of God’s love?
- Are you and your husband on the same team in the discipline department? What changes need to happen? How can you be more consistent?
- What are you doing (small or big) to gradually develop your children’s inner moral compass?
- Are there problem areas or “hot spots” that regularly collect clutter in your home? The kitchen counter or dining room table? Can you set a goal to find a home for the items on those surfaces during Lent? Do you have too many things and need to live more simply?
- Are you building time into your schedule to do everything that needs to be done? Do you include time for things like meal preparation or clean-up? How can you limit the feelings of frustration or being rushed?
- How have you taught your other family members to maintain a routine? Do you have any tips to share?
- What did I forget? I’ve only been a parent for 4 years, so I know I still have a lot to learn! Share away, please and thank you!
* * *
In the next posts in this series, I will write about:
- The 5th “P”: Provider
- What Our Family Rule looks like, and where I am with putting it together
![The 4th “P” in Our Rule of Life: Parent]()
by Catherine | Mar 12, 2014 | Family, The Homefront
Whew, it’s been waaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than I intended to return to the 5 P’s of our family’s rule of life. It turns out selling a home with three small children is no small feat! The good news is that St. Joseph is THE MAN, and he has already proven himself a powerful intercessor for our family. Please join us as we pray the Novena to St. Joseph! (We’re on Day 3 to culminate on his feast day next Wednesday, but you can pray these prayers anytime.)
In case you’ve missed my previous posts in this series, I decided as part of my Lenten mission to create a Boucher Family Rule of Life. It’s based off of Holly Pierlot’s book A Mother’s Rule of Life. In previous posts in this series, I wrote about:
Today, I’m tackling the 4th “P”: Parent.
As a former high school Spanish teacher, I can tell you what a difference it makes when parents take their role as primary educators of their children seriously. It was easy to identify children who came from homes where their parents led as primary educators instead of passing the buck along to the teachers at school.
Regardless of whether or not God calls me to homeschool at any time, I will always be my children’s primary educator. Holly Pierlot calls a mother’s role as a primary educator to her children the “mission of motherhood.” That means I need to give this whole stay-at-home mom gig the dignity it deserves–even if the world doesn’t. I need to take seriously the impact day-to-day living in this domestic church has on all of the members of our family. I need to take seriously the impact our children’s witness will have in our local community and larger society as they leave the four walls of our home.
Now, in the midst of the diapers, dirty dishes, and mountains of laundry, I need to recognize how irreplaceable my presence is to my children. It’s not just my job to watch them like some kind of glorified babysitter. I’m supposed to be helping to form them. In A Mother’s Rule of Life, Holly Pierlot talks about coming to the realization that “parents image God’s work at creation.”
|
| From the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the Creation of Adam. |
Holly expands the metaphor, describing the parallels between the work that God performed back in Genesis with Adam and Eve and the work that we perform as parents:
- Provide food and shelter
- Create a paradise (our homes are to be a “mini-paradise,” “a place of beauty and peace and harmony”
- Be in close communication
- Infuse them with knowledge for their survival (temporally and eternally) and equip them to be good stewards of creation
- Teach them the value of work and delegate responsibility
- Govern, lead, and discipline
- Forgive children for trespasses, “cover their sins with love,” but teach them “the just consequences of their actions”
After looking at all of those responsibilities we have as parents, especially as mothers, it’s hard to view our work as ordinary and meaningless. I love, love, love Holly’s definition of what it means to provide our children with a Catholic education. She says that parenting “is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” Dang. Re-read that. Pope Pius XI had another way of saying that. He said, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” Ultimately, both Holly Pierlot and Pope Pius XI are saying that our homes need to be domestic churches where we propel our children along the path to sainthood.
That goal became very real for Philip and I when we miscarried our baby, Thérèse, at 12 weeks. We entrust her to God’s mercy and believe that she is in heaven (and, therefore, a saint). We frequently ask her for her intercession. Being separated from Therese further inspires us to get every member of our family to heaven.
That all sounds fine and dandy, but let’s “get down to brass tacks” and talk about how to make that goal happen practically. To help our kiddos get an “ST” in front of their names, I re-read the section on parenting in Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life. Here are a few areas I considered and used to create a saint-making action plan:
Open up the channel of grace to God
- Attend daily Mass at least once a week in addition to Sunday Mass
- Monthly confession for everyone that’s old enough (put it on the calendar!)
- Family prayer time (morning, mid-day, after dinner & bedtime prayer together)
- Access to sacramentals and prayer aids (Holy water, Rosaries, Bibles, lives of the saints, etc.)
- Pray for the children (ask for their intentions, spontaneously offer prayer throughout the day, and pray with Philip for the children before bed)
- Dedicate formal & informal teaching times to talk about & celebrate the saint of the day, virtues, current events in the Church, parts of the Mass, feast days, baptismal anniversaries (start with “Circle Time” in the morning and build from there)
Consider if I’m Being a Channel of God’s Love
- Model the behaviors I’m asking of other members of the family. Am I revealing God’s love to them in the way I treat them? (Examine this during my weekly Examination of Conscience)
- Be available and treat my children as my vocation instead of an obstacle to it – stop whatever I’m doing, make eye contact, listen, and respond with love
- Treat my children as the unique children of God that they are (identify their strengths & weaknesses, encourage them, and help them in whatever appropriate ways possible)
- Do what’s best for them (food, sleep, appropriate chores, playtime, surprise activities for refreshment)
Discipline
- Maintain the children’s free will like God does. Teach them to accept negative consequences instead of trying to bend their wills.
- Consider if the child’s behavior is an isolated act or a habit of disobedience. (If it’s habitual behavior, consider the root cause, and work to find a solution.)
Consistency
- Make sure what I’m asking is reasonable & justified, and take the time to enforce it
Create Opportunities for Them to Exercise Freedom Within a Framework
- Allow them to make choices (clothing, menu planning, recreation activities, etc.)
- Help weigh the options (what’s good & what’s not)
- Discuss potential consequences
- Let them make the decision and face the consequences
Find a Place for Everything
- Maintain outer order in the home to create inner order for everyone
- Teach the children where things go
- Take the time to enforce that things need to be put back “home” instead of doing it myself
Find a Time for Everything
- Hygiene
- Exercise
- God time (prayer, Mass, confession, etc.)
- Learning (formal & informal learning, homework)
- Recreation (sports, hobbies, friends)
- Meals (including preparation & clean-up)
- Cleaning
- Laundry
- Sleep & rest
- Set aside time to teach the components of the routine
Set the Family Up for Success to Start the Routine
- Create, print, & laminate charts for various tasks around the home to teach the children (bathroom, getting dressed, laundry, meal clean-up, etc.)
- Make time to teach to reduce frustration for everyone
- Observe the children working and revise when necessary
- Re-teach and model
- Adjust expectations
- Provide motivation (creating a reward system to implement by the end of Lent)
- Teach the importance of hard work
- Teach about redemptive suffering (and enter into it with them!)
- Suggest ways to make the work easier
- Change the time of day they are performing the task
- Allow them to choose tasks
- Read stories of saints that exhibit determination or hard work
- Use logical consequences
- Remove privileges
- Make sure everyone is getting the grace they need to perform their duties
- Specifically, how do you open up the channels of grace to God for every member of your family?
- How do you hold yourself accountable to be a channel of God’s love?
- Are you and your husband on the same team in the discipline department? What changes need to happen? How can you be more consistent?
- What are you doing (small or big) to gradually develop your children’s inner moral compass?
- Are there problem areas or “hot spots” that regularly collect clutter in your home? The kitchen counter or dining room table? Can you set a goal to find a home for the items on those surfaces during Lent? Do you have too many things and need to live more simply?
- Are you building time into your schedule to do everything that needs to be done? Do you include time for things like meal preparation or clean-up? How can you limit the feelings of frustration or being rushed?
- How have you taught your other family members to maintain a routine? Do you have any tips to share?
- What did I forget? I’ve only been a parent for 4 years, so I know I still have a lot to learn! Share away, please and thank you!
* * *
In the next posts in this series, I will write about:
- The 5th “P”: Provider
- What Our Family Rule looks like, and where I am with putting it together
![Busy Day]()
by Catherine | Feb 28, 2014 | Family, The Homefront
Today’s post is going to be short and sweet because it’s been a busy day. After I publish this, it’s time to put my feet up, have a glass of wine, and watch a show with Philip!
Philip was able to come home around lunchtime, and we spent the rest of the day prepping for our realtor’s visit tonight. Aside from filling out some more paperwork and discussing important details, we finalized the staging of the house.
Harry thinks selling the house is exhausting! He fell asleep on this blanket while we wrapped things up with our realtor. Sweetie pie!
It took longer than we anticipated, but it’s a relief to have the house almost 100% ready and have all of our questions answered.
I wanted to share a few shots of the family room.
After nearly six years, I finally updated the throw pillows. I didn’t realize how bad our other throw pillows were until I asked a close girlfriend what she thought. When she told me, “You should either not leave those out or get new ones,” I knew it was time! I found these cute ones at Garden Ridge.
I’m so proud of myself for getting bright and fun colors since I usually play it safe. They photograph well against the dark couch and chair, too. What a difference some new pillows make!
Alright, off to spend some time with Philip!
* * *
This is my 4th of 7 posts in Jen Fulwiler’s “7 Days, 7 Posts” challenge. Come on over, join in the fun link-up, and read some great blogs!
![Creating Our Boucher Family Rule of Life: Getting Started]()
by Catherine | Feb 25, 2014 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
 |
| Holy Family, pray for us! |
In case you missed it, part of my Lenten mission this year is to create a Boucher Family Rule of Life modeled after Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life.
First of all, what in the world is a Rule of Life? As Holly Pierlot defines it, a Rule of Life “consists primarily in the examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
So, before I get started on creating a schedule, I need to determine 2 things:
- What is my vocation?
- What essential duties does my vocation entail?
1. What is my vocation?
To determine my vocation, I considered what I call the proper order of relationships. First and foremost, I am a Child of God. Second, I am a wife. Third, I am a mother. I am all of these things, but it is essential that I keep them in this proper order.
2. What essential duties does my vocation entail?
I could go on and on listing all kinds of duties for my vocation, but I need to pare it down to the essentials to make our Family Rule effective.
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well.
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Blessed Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (spiritually, physically, intellectually, creatively, emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all other relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that parenting “is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, my job as a mother is to raise my children to become saints.
If those are only the essential duties I have as a Child of God, wife, and mother, I have A LOT to do each day! Now that I have my essential duties listed, we need define our family’s mission (what we’re doing and why) before we create a schedule. That will help our family to maintain our focus and purpose as we go about our everyday lives. Philip and I worked together to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I love our family mission statement! It really pares it down to what we’re supposed to be doing everyday. I’m printing it off and putting it on our refrigerator. Maybe someday I can get it beautifully painted on canvas to be hung in a prominent place in our home. (Any crafty friends out there know of a way for me to do this?)
Now that I have my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I need to draft our family’s schedule. In order to do that, I will be examining what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Tomorrow, I’ll focus on the first P, Prayer.
Until then, I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. Heck, I want to have a book club to discuss everything I’m uncovering in A Mother’s Rule of Life! What are the essential duties of your vocation? If you had a family mission statement, what would it say? Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today? What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties? Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources.
* * *
This is my 2nd of 7 posts in Jen Fulwiler’s “7 Posts, 7 Days” challenge. Come on over, join in the fun link-up, and read some great blogs!
![Small Success Thursday #7]()
by Catherine | Feb 14, 2014 | Family, The Homefront
Writing this as quickly as I can and going to bed, so this is going to be the lamest Small Success Thursday post ever:
- Jane turned 4, and I think she’d say that she had a great day. More on our fun day another time!
- I survived another week of subcontractors and household disasters in preparation for listing the house. Yes, there are two streams of water coming out of that faucet.
- I got the kids’ Valentine presents weeks ago, and I actually remembered to set them out. Books, a puzzle, stickers, and spinning tops. Harry didn’t get a card because he’s 6 months old. Does that make me a bad mom?
- Philip got to have a man date tonight with a buddy, and he said he had a great time. Yay for Philip taking time for himself!
- This guy loves green beans, but he mostly loves wearing them. This was his first food other than rice cereal. Let the love affair with food begin!
Your turn! What are your small successes from the week? Come over to CatholicMom to join the fun and share! If you’re using social media, use the hashtag #SmallSuccess. Happy Valentine’s Day!
![Please give me your input on these 3 things before we list the house]()
by Catherine | Feb 8, 2014 | The Homefront
I have a few questions and random tasks I’d love your input on before we list the house.
1. How do I get this white stuff off of our bathroom counter?
Despite regular cleaning and some good elbow grease with all-purpose cleaners, I can’t get the white stuff to disappear. I suppose you’d call the countertop material laminate. Any tricks to share?
2. Our “wall of fame” photo gallery
Keep it, get rid of it, or switch out for “neutral images”? I know they say to depersonalize the house, blah blah blah, and I ordinarily agree, but I’d love to see something like this on a wall as a decorating idea for the home. What do you think? If you’re in favor of taking the pictures down, would you put up a large print (or something else) or just leave the wall bare?
3. The oven
How do you deep clean your oven without feeling like you took a year off of all of your family members’ lives from the fumes? Do the Pinterest posts with baking soda, etc. actually work? Let’s hear every detail of how you do it!
I’m sure I’ll have more questions as time goes on. Until then, please share your input on these 3 things!
