![Building-In Happiness]()
by Catherine | Apr 25, 2012 | Everything Else, The Homefront
Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, also writes a column for Good Housekeeping. Thanks to the gift of a magazine subscription from my thoughtful mother-in-law, I look forward to reading Gretchen’s practical tips in each month’s issue. And, yes, Gretchen and I are on a first name basis.
In the May 2012 issue, Gretchen wrote a column called “Built-In Happiness: How to get it and keep it.” According to her, there are three keys to happiness:
1. Self-knowledge
2. Anticipation
3. Love
1. Self-knowledge
Basically, you need to know what your values, interests, likes/dislikes are. Know yourself, and accept who you are when you want to build-in happiness. Gretchen says, “I’ve found that the more faithfully I’m able to ‘be Gretchen’ in my daily life, the happier I become.”
I laughed out loud when she goes on in the article to say this: “Your fun may not look like other people’s fun. I myself love to help other people clean out their closets. Skiing, no way–but cleaning out a friend’s closets? That I anticipate with relish.” This woman is my kindred spirit! I recently spent an evening sipping wine and cleaning out a gal pal’s closet, and I loved every second of it!
I am learning to accept that my idea of fun is soooooooooooooooooooo lame to other people. Instead of trying to cool-ify my interests like I would have in the past, I’m learning that it makes me happier to keep doing what I love. Now, this isn’t my attempt to say, “Yay, hedonism! If it feels good, do it! If it doesn’t, avoid it!” Certainly there are some things that might be difficult for us to do that we ought to be doing. For example, just because it might be difficult for me to get up out of bed before the kids so that I can have quiet prayer time, it doesn’t mean I should stay in bed. (Speaking of which, it’s April, and I still haven’t accomplished this New Year’s Resolution! Dear reader, I’m counting on you to hold me accountable to accomplishing that. Yes, you.)
Beyond doing the stuff we ought to be doing that we’re not, what I’m getting at is that most of us are over-scheduled and tend to get overwhelmed, “working for the weekend.” Instead of using that coveted free time doing something that you really don’t enjoy, do some humbling introspection, figure out what your interests really are, and find out if the people you love want to do them with you. If no one you know shares your interest, maybe it’s time to branch out and make some new friends who share your interest in biking or scrapbooking.
2. Anticipation
This is my favorite part of the article, and this is the part I need to work on the most: building in the things that make me happy by literally making appointments for them. Otherwise, it’s too easy for me to talk myself out of doing the thing that makes me happy because the guilt of all of the other things I think need to get done take over.
“We should all be able to flip through our calendars and see at least a few pleasant things scheduled for future weeks. If your life is a parade of obligations, dreaded tasks, unpleasant encounters, and mandatory appearances, take a minute to figure out something that you’d find fun, and make time for it. Wish you had more time to talk in the park with your dog? To work on a craft project? To have coffee with your sister? Schedule it into your calendar like you would a dentist appointment. Even before it happens, you’ll get a happiness boost every time you anticipate it. (Also, if you put it on your calendar, you’ll be far more likely to actually do it.)”
I need to start looking at my calendar and day-to-day routine to figure out how I can build in these interests and hobbies and build up my relationships.
Philip and I talk all the time about how we need to go to bed earlier, and we both enjoy reading. Philip and I need to schedule bedtime to happen at a reasonable, fixed time so that we know the next episode of “Downton Abbey” will be waiting for us tomorrow and that it’s time to have some quiet reading time together in bed.
Instead of ending a playdate with “see you guys soon,” why not end it with, “Would you guys like to come over next Thursday at 10 and stay for lunch?”
Instead of leaving the scrapbook left for whenever I’ll get around to it next, why not write “Scrapbooking 8:30 p.m.” on the calendar for Tuesday night after the kids have gone to bed, and let Philip know that I’d like to spend that time working at my craft station while he does some hobby of his own?
3. Love
We need others to be happy, but we need to be independent enough to love ourselves first.
“Strong relationships with other people are critical to a happy life. We need close, long-lasting relationships; we need to belong; we need to give and receive support–perhaps surprisingly, giving support is just as important to happiness as getting support. Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you’ll take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression.”
Now that I’m staying at home, I am learning that I need to get out of the house and be with other people I love to get through the winter or usually isolating times (like having a newborn baby). Literally being cooped up all to ourselves without interaction with the outside world would drive me crazy in the winter months. The days that were hardest to get out of the house because someone missed a nap or I was frustrated with something were the days that we needed to get out the most.
“To connect more deeply with people, I need to build my independent happiness…By being emotionally self-sufficient, I free myself (well, admittedly, only somewhat) from depending on other people to boost me up or letting them drag me down. When I have my own built-in happiness, I don’t act like a happiness vampire who sucks happy energy from other people or craves a lifeblood of praise, affirmation, or reassurance to support my happiness.”
I don’t know about you, but when I read that, I had a lightbulb moment. We all know people who can be the “happiness vampires” in our lives, sucking out our happiness and zest for life with their doomy gloomy negat
ivity or self-centeredness. Or, maybe we’re those “happiness vampires” for others. Some of us are blessed to have more people in our lives who boost us up than the “happiness vampires.” The danger of these feelings and being too attached to this world (and its people) is what Gretchen is writing about–allowing ourselves to be on a daily emotional rollercoaster ride whose ups and downs are determined by the people around us and their emotions.
Being independently happy isn’t necessarily selfish (unless, of course, it becomes your sole focus in life!). What I think Gretchen is getting at is that we will be happier, and consequently, the people around us will be happier, if we don’t mirror back the negativeness of the “happiness vampires,” and we’re happy enough independently of others to not live from one moment of praise or reassurance to the next.
Empathy is a beautiful thing, and we all need other people with which to share in life’s ups and downs and to make us feel understood. The danger, though, is depending on others too deeply and allowing them to knock us down or be the only way we feel built up.
So, build-in some happiness in your life! Follow Gretchen’s 3 steps:
- Know yourself and figure out what you love.
- Actually schedule what you love in your life.
- Foster strong, long-lasting relationships with people who love you, and love yourself (not because you’re selfish, but because you’re a beautiful child of God).
How have you built-in happiness in your life? Do you already do some of these things?
![Spring Cleaning Donations]()
by Catherine | Apr 3, 2012 | The Homefront
Now that I’m implementing my cleaning schedule to keep a clean house, I’m regularly decluttering as well. If I were really ambitious, I might consider trying 40 Bags in 40 Days like my mother-in-law.
When I declutter or go through my closet, I usually pile up the clothes and other things to donate and give them to my local Goodwill.
Instead of heading off to Goodwill this time around, I decided to call around and see if there were any Catholic organizations in need of my donations–gently used furniture, lamps, clothes, etc. Sure enough, I learned about several local groups in need of all different kinds of donations.
One such organization is the Society of St. Vincent de Paul. The Society of St. Vincent de Paul has thrift stores and food pantries nationwide. You can find your local Society of St. Vincent de Paul thrift store or food pantry here.
My local Society of St. Vincent de Paul even offers residential pick-up of your donations. If you call your local chapter, you can set up a time for the Society’s truck to pick up your items and haul them away. This is a great option for those who have little ones or who don’t have a large car to haul items like furniture down to the warehouse.
Your material and monetary donations help the Vincentians (members of the Society of St. Vincent de Paul) serve the poor. Specifically, here’s how the Society of St. Vincent de Paul helps the poor in your community:
Donations help provide direct assistance to the poor in local communities throughout the United States. Vincentians meet face to face with the poor to assess their needs. Some of the needs addressed by Vincentians include: housing and utiltiy assistance; job training and placement; and access to food, clothing, transportation and medical care. The National Council also makes grants to the local Conferences/Councils through its Domestic Disaster Relief Grants and the Friends of the Poor Grant Programs. There are many ways in which you can donate. Please click on the DONATE ONLINE button to make your selection. Your donation is also tax deductible.
If you’ve already gotten rid of your spring cleaning donations, think about your pantry. Start cleaning out your pantry the day before you go to the grocery store. Identify extras or items you will not be able to consume before they expire, and bag them up for your local Society of St. Vincent de Paul food pantry. My parish distributes paper bags for parishoners to take and return full of non-perishable food items that church volunteers take to the pantry the first Sunday of each month. Consider bringing this practice to your parish if it isn’t there already.
This is just one example of ways that you can easily help the poor in your local community through a Catholic organization. What are some other Catholic groups you help with your time, treasure, or talent? Please share your ideas and experiences!
![Keeping a Clean House]()
by Catherine | Mar 28, 2012 | The Homefront
Be forewarned that this post is going to reveal a lot about my OCD-ness and other neuroses. Hopefully this will be of some help to the other OCD-ers or even wannabe OCD-ers.
In creating our Boucher Family Binder, I dedicated a section to “Household Management.” In a previous blog post, I mentioned that this is the place where I keep anything and everything related to the running of our home. I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference these checklists are making in reducing my stress level. I’ve always been a list maker. Seeing what I have to do and when I need to do it forces me to be more productive.
When I was still teaching full-time, I was always running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’d go from school to home, eat dinner amid my schoolwork, convince myself that I was at a stopping point, maybe watch a show, and get to bed around midnight or later. Housework was always relegated to the weekends, but it seemed to get postponed as we found more exciting things to do than dust or deep-clean the kitchen.
When I transitioned to staying at home, I was overwhelmed with the time freed up for the housework (or at least the outside perception that I had all of this “free time” to create domestic perfection). I had no idea where to begin. Finally, two years into this stay-at-home gig, I’m figuring out that I need “do it” lists–very specific “do it” lists: daily, weekly, monthly, and seasonal “do it” lists. I know this is silly, but I call them “do it” lists rather than “to do” lists so that it sounds like I have more of a commitment to actually do the things I write down.
First, I have my Daily Do It List for keeping straight the logistics of my day.
This is where I relegate my daily mind clutter. Before I go to bed each night, I write down any appointments or places I need to go (“go”), important or out of the ordinary tasks I need to accomplish (“do”), items I need to purchase (“buy”), people I need to call or somehow contact (“call”), and what we’re having for dinner that night so that I keep the prep time in mind when I create that day’s schedule (“cook”). Putting it all on paper before the day begins helps me to go to bed without obsessing over all that I need to accomplish the following day. I used to go to bed with all kinds of mind clutter and keep myself up at night, thinking about all of the things I needed to do, go to, buy, cook, or people I needed to call/e-mail. Now, I figure all of that out before bed, put it on my Daily Do It List, and go to bed without the mind clutter.
WARNING: Before you read on, please keep in mind that everyone’s definition of clean is different. You must decide what is a healthy balance of safe (especially in the kitchen and bathroom) and manageable for your schedule and priorities. You might look at my lists and think, “Is she crazy?! Why does she vacuum that much?!” On the other hand, you might look at my lists and think, “Gross! She only vacuums under furniture once a month!” The following lists are what works for me (as of now!), and they might be too lax or strict for your style. Pick and choose what’ll work for you!
Now, enter the Daily Cleaning Schedule. This is the list of the bare bones things I do everyday to keep the house functioning.
I committed myself to doing these things each day to make them habit if they weren’t already. Wiping down the kitchen sink and bathroom sinks, tubs, and shower walls after each use is taking a huge chunk of time out of my deep cleaning routine. Some call it crazy, I call it working smart, not hard.
Then, I have my Weekly Cleaning Schedule.
The goal of my weekly cleaning schedule is two-fold:
- No more playing “catch up” or panic with unexpected visitors
- Having specific days for household tasks holds me more accountable to actually doing them. This ultimately means I get to spend more time doing what matters.
- Keep Sunday a day of REST and WORSHIP.
- I have a new rule that it all will and must wait on Sundays. Can I tell you how much more our family loves Sundays now?
To create my weekly cleaning schedule, I listed all of the things that I think need to get done in our house on a weekly basis. I consulted a few other websites for guidance on this. No wonder I was getting stressed out! I was keeping all of these things in my head and expecting to remember to do them all and try to conquer as many as possible each day. That system wasn’t working. I ended up overwhelmed, and the perfectionist in me delayed housework because my mentality was that if it wasn’t going to be perfect, it wasn’t worth doing. I’d wait for the right amount of time to come along to do a chore rather than doing what I could when I could. Mothers of young children know that my system of waiting for the “perfect time” to come along to do a chore was bound to fail.
After listing all of the things I want to accomplish each week, I considered what our family’s schedule looks like each day. I considered what my motivation level looks like on various days of the week, what items require more time or attention, and in what order I will be most likely to accomplish these items. I tried creating a weekly schedule before, but it wasn’t nearly this detailed or accurate in terms of what I’d actually do. If something unexpected comes up like a last-minute playdate or a sick kiddo, I let myself off the hook when I need to and reassign items that don’t get accomplished to other days. I tell myself that the goal is to teach my children by example that it is important to care for home and family thro
ugh cleaning and cooking and everything else, but that it’s equally important to spend time with one another and having fun. True to how I’ve always been, I’m much busier these days trying to keep up with my cleaning schedule, but I end up having much more quality time with my children and Philip because everything that needs to get done is actually getting done.
Next, I have my Monthly Cleaning Schedule.
As you might have guessed, these are the things that only need to be done once a month. Quick tip: Work with your microwave to clean it. Put half of a lemon in a microwave safe bowl full of water, and let it run for five minutes. When done, wipe down the inside of the microwave walls with the steam. ¡Voila!
Finally, I made a Seasonal Checklist of the chores that need to be done each of the four seasons.
That’s it! These lists are keeping my home clean. I hope they help you and your home. Work smart, not hard, and spend more time doing the things you love with the people you love!
If you’re interested in a copy of these lists as Microsoft Word docs that you can edit for your own use, e-mail me at cboucher08@gmail.com.
![My New Office Space]()
by Catherine | Mar 8, 2012 | The Homefront
Inspired by my new organization book, House Works, I decided to create a small office space. As our family grew, we had to move our office downstairs. The problem with this set-up is that we lost a central hub for all of our paper and office needs. Consequently, the kitchen counter became a paper hot-zone. By day’s end, the kitchen counter collected the day’s mail, receipts, to-do-lists, etc. I was constantly battling the paper mountain to get a clean counter where I could prepare meals. Since the desk was out of sight downstairs, the office work got neglected and piled up. I needed a space where I could organize the daily mountain of paper, store reference books that I access frequently, pay bills, and write any correspondence. In theory I could have continued to have that space in the basement, but it wasn’t a practical solution for me. Since I need to access the office materials frequently, and I can’t always get downstairs with the kiddos when I need to, it’s far more convenient having my office space within reach. That way I can write a quick thank you note, pay a bill, or sort the mail while keeping an eye on the kids. We settled on a corner in the front living room. I’m sure I’ll keep adding to it or making changes, but here’s what it looks like for now.
This is an old table that Philip used in his apartment kitchen before we got married. I added a cushion to one of the chairs, and we folded down one side of the table to push it flush to the wall. The lamp was in Philip’s sister’s old room. I may change the shade so that it goes better with my blue/green color scheme.
This is my “action file.” Each day, I sort the day’s mail and other papers into these 3 categories: to do, to file, and memorabilia. Each week, I file the papers from the “to file” folder in our downstairs filing cabinet. “Memorabilia” contains mementos like Jane’s art work or other precious memories to add to our scrapbooks. “To do” contains things to read, bills to pay, correspondence to return, etc. To make sure the folders don’t become another bulging mess, I built appointments in to my new weekly schedule to take care of these items. I purchased the teal file holder and the file folders at Target.
The magazine holders are Vera Bradley “book keepers” in the pattern Rhythm and Blues. I love the cheerful pattern! They hold my unread magazines, prayer journal, Bible, Catechism, House Works, and a few other books. The yellow book next to them, Home Comforts, is also a must-read! I consult this home encyclopedia very frequently.
This box was a big mess before I decided to add dividers. I sorted through all of our stationery and greeting cards, separating them by family member or category.
The dividers are 5-tab Avery plastic write-on dividers. They were actually made for planners, but they work perfectly on their sides in a photo box like this to divide your stationery.
My only complaint with this workspace is that I don’t have a place to store tools like pens, scissors, stamps, a calculator, etc. I fear leaving them out for little hands to discover. I can picture our living room walls and furniture covered in ball-point pen. Any brilliant storage solutions for my office tools?
I love having this new “home” for our office needs. Having an office on our main floor is making a big difference in tackling the mountains of paper. While we still have the printer/scanner/copier, filing cabinet, and other office materials in the basement, this small work area serves most of our needs with the bonuses of being small and within reach.
Hooray for tackling the paper mountain!
![The Boucher Family Binder]()
by Catherine | Mar 2, 2012 | The Homefront
UPDATE: Since posting about my binder in March 2012, several friends have asked for my forms/templates. To make it easier for everyone, I created a Google Docs page for you to access the forms and edit them for your own use. Here is the link to my Family Binder Shared Folder. I hope the forms are helpful!
I found a fantastic book about a month ago. It’s called “House Works: How to live clean, green, and organized at home.”
The book has all kinds of practical tips to make your home run more efficiently so that you can reclaim the time you want to spend with family, friends, and doing your favorite activities.
The author, Cynthia Townley Ewer, has a website (organizedhome.com) that has a lot of the same information within the book. I highly recommend checking out the site! With the free time I’ve gained during my Lenten Facebook Fast, I have been reading this book and implementing her recommendations, including the Household Notebook.
The Household Notebook is a central information hub with all of your family’s essential information. It may be morbid, but another reason I created our Household Notebook was out of fear. I keep a lot of our family’s information in my head. If something ever happened to me, nobody would know a lot of the ins and outs of how our home and family work. Now, I have great peace of mind knowing that all of the information from my head is both current and on paper so that things can continue to run relatively smoothly should something ever happen to me.
In addition to being our family’s go-to information center, I want our Household Notebook to be personalized and fun to look at. Instead of buying a binder with regular dividers, I chose to personalize it. I settled on a white 1 1/2″ binder with a D-ring. I found cute scrapbooking paper and stickers at JoAnn’s and chose a floral theme.
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| Front cover. I chose to include a quote from Blessed Pope John Paul II on marriage. |
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| Front cover and spine. |
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| Binder spine close-up |
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| Back of binder. I chose to include Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s Nazareth Prayer for the Family. |
Once I finished the cover for the binder, I created the dividers. Cynthia Ewer from organizedhome.com gives you some recommendations on dividers for your notebook. After reading her list and considering our family’s needs, and ended up with seven dividers. To personalize them, I stuck with my floral theme, and I put the pages into page protectors with a title centered on white paper, a solid-color cardstock, and a border behind it. I also attached clear index dividers with the same headings on the side of the page protectors so that I can flip to each section quickly.
Here are my seven dividers and a list of what will go into each section:
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“Home Management” is my place for things like: a daily, weekly, and master to-do lists, cleaning s
chedules, household systems, seasonal chores, organization tips, cleaning information, decorating ideas, and auto information.
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| “Meals” is my place for: weekly and monthly menu planner forms, grocery list forms, inventory forms, recipes to try, favorite recipes, and food storage guidelines. |
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| “Finances” is the place for my monthly budget worksheet/receipt storing, bills to pay/online service and account information, credit card list, insurance information, utilities/services directory, and important warranty information. This is my basic finance go-to place, but all sensitive information is stored under lock and key. |
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| “Health” is my spot for a medical sheet for each family member, a medical authorization form, prescription drug records, insurance information, baby percentiles by month, schedule of visits to the pediatrician, a place for questions for the next appointment, pet health records, and a diet tracker. |
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| “Activities, hobbies, & fun” is my place for the hours our favorite places are open as well as their addresses and phone numbers, rosters/calendars from groups we belong to, craft/activity ideas for me and the kids, a list of books to read, a list of movies to rent, and a travel checklist. |
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| “Family & Celebrations” is my spot for a clothing sizes tracker for all family members (tops, bottoms, shoes, etc.), a master occasions list of birthdays/anniversaries/other important milestones, party planning forms, gift ideas, a holiday gift list, Christmas card address list, Christmas gift exchange list, holiday menu planners, and a décor inventory. I think I’ll ultimately end up with a separate Christmas binder. (UPDATE: Since writing this post, I created a Family Christmas Planner with a shared Google Docs page as well.) |
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“Emergency and Babysitter Information” is my spot for essential emergency information, the kids’ schedules, and a family disaster plan.
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If you’d like to make a Household Notebook for your home, and you’d like to to use my format, there’s no need for you to go to all of the trouble on your own! I already have all of the templates, forms, labels, etc. saved on my computer. If you’d like them (any or all), shoot me an e-mail at cboucher08@gmail.com or write a comment below with your e-mail address. I’ve seen these forms on Etsy for $3.00 a piece or $40.00 for the JPEG file for the entire binder. Save yourself some time and money, and I’ll send you what I have. Take what I’ve made, and make it your own! Pick and choose the dividers that work for you, select a theme that you’ll enjoy, and make a Household Notebook that will help you reclaim more time with the ones you love! In future posts, I will be introducing each divider of my binder, share the tips I’ve learned from the book, and upload divider-specific forms/templates. Here’s to having a home that runs smoothly!
UPDATE: In case you missed the link at the top of this post, I created a shared folder on Google Docs with all of my family binder templates. Enjoy!
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![WARNING: Unripe Butternut Squash Fight Back]()
by Catherine | Jan 10, 2012 | The Homefront
I made a yummy butternut squash lasagna recipe last night for dinner. It required 3 cups of diced, peeled butternut squash. I spent a fair amount of time peeling and dicing them.
When I was done, I noticed a film on my left hand, the hand that was holding the squash. It started to turn red and the skin felt constricted. I ran it under water thinking that the film would wash off. I’ve always struggled with eczema and extremely sensitive skin so I wasn’t alarmed–until the skin on my left hand started to peel away and flake. It was as if I had done a chemical peel on my hand!
I had never cooked with butternut squash before, so I just assumed that its tough texture (very similar to a sweet potato) was typical. Apparently butternut squash fight back when they’re not quite ripe.
When an animal tries to eat the squash before it is ripe, it releases a liquid that seals off the exposed area. The liquid dries to create a kind of scab. This scab protects the squash and allows it to continue to ripen without spoilage. Unfortunately, this same liquid which protects the squash absolutely destroys human hands when we cut them before they’re ripe!
Here are a few pictures of my hands from last night. I must warn you that they’re pretty gross!
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| Comparing my left and right hands. Parts of my right hand got the liquid on it, but my left hand must have gotten covered. |
To avoid this same fate again, I wanted to learn how I can tell when I butternut squash is ripe. According to the National Vegetable Society in the UK, “You can tell when the fruit is ripe by the texture of the skin. It becomes very firm, golden in colour and will easily resist the pressure of your thumb nail. Also, like a melon, it “rings” when given a good rap.” Real Simple says, “Pick a squash that is rock solid and heavy for its size. Its skin should be matte; a shiny finish is a sign that the squash wasn’t ripe when it was picked.”
No more unripe butternut squash will be peeled in this house if my hands can help it!
