![Navigating the Newborn Phase: Minimums]()
by Catherine | May 4, 2016 | Family, Marriage, The Homefront
Since “the domestic church” mirrors the Triune God’s Love, I’m convinced there’s nothing the accuser relishes more than trying to tear apart marriages. With each baby, Philip and I learn some new tricks to help us navigate the newborn phase a bit more smoothly. In this series, I’d like to share those tips and tricks in the hopes that they’ll help you the next time you find yourself in the newborn or other variety of survival mode.
Today, I’m tackling what Philip and I call minimums. Minimums are exactly what they sound like–the very least that you’d like happening in your world in order for you to keep your sanity.
A few weeks before Dorothy was born, I was getting anxious about entering back into the newborn phase. I may or may not have started catastrophizing as the hormones took over after a long day, and I started thinking of all of the ways the newborn phase would be difficult for us.
When I catastrophize, I come up with all of the worst case scenarios on any given day or moment.
“We’re never going to be able to…”
“But what if…?”
“How in the world are we going to…?”
“I don’t think I can…”
“I already feel like I’m drowning, so how am I going to _________ with FOUR kids?!”
Combine the crazy extremes with hormones and lack of sleep from all of the contractions, and it all seemed like pretty legit reasoning in my head.
Enter my knight in shining armor and voice of reason husband, Philip. He ever-so-gently brought me back to reality, reminding me that we’ve had a couple of kids, that we’ve survived survival mode a few times, and that we were better prepared than ever to welcome a new baby into our family. Even so, I asked if we could take a few minutes to discuss our minimums for when Baby arrived.
My minimums:
- A shower every morning
- A tidy family room
- Our open concept kitchen looks into the family room. Before the kids go to bed, I like to have the room put back in order–pillows neatly arranged on the furniture, books in the baskets, and toys back in the cupboard. The toys in the family room were starting to take longer for the kids to pick up every evening, so I did a purge a few weeks before Dorothy’s arrival. Since purging the family room toys, the kids are able to tidy the room faster and they play with the toys more frequently. They haven’t even asked for the toys that disappeared.
- A tidy kitchen
- Cleared off and clean countertops
- Cleared off and clean kitchen table
- Empty sink and dishes loaded in the dishwasher (ideally running overnight)
- Trash emptied
- 6 hours of sleep (not necessarily continuous)
- 1 load of laundry everyday
- Kids maintaining their morning & evening jobs
- making beds
- dirty clothes down the laundry chute
- tidying bedrooms
- getting dressed without destroying the order of their drawers or closets
- Regular breaks away from the kids (blogging, walks with Monty, naps)
- Getting outside of the house for at least 15 minutes everyday
- Once a month date night
- Time to connect with Philip (and talk with an adult!) every night for half an hour
- Pumping in the morning starting at 3 weeks postpartum
- This relieves me from the anxiety of feeling tethered and the stress of having to always be available to breastfeed. Being free to take occasional breaks keeps me sane.
- Multiple hugs everyday and lots of verbal cheerleading from Philip
- A Mother’s Helper for a few hours a few days a week
I won’t share all of Philip’s minimums, but the highlights include: eating, sleeping, and words of affirmation from me. We all have our things. For me, clean kitchen counters bring peace. For Philip, hearing that he’s a great husband and father will get him through just about any day around here.
With each child, we’ve gotten better about advocating for our own minimums and working to meet (and exceed) them for each other. Knowing each other’s minimums helps us to give ourselves permission to lower the bar on everything else. Then, when we do exceed the minimums, it makes us feel like absolute rock stars! Slowly but surely, Baby gets a little older, we start getting more sleep, and we start exceeding the minimums on a regular basis as we find our new rhythm.
Photo by L Guerra Photography
We’re still very much in the trenches of the minimums stage, but I am pleased to report that this has been our easiest transition yet. I wouldn’t say that it has been easy, but it hasn’t been nearly as difficult as it was in the past. Having our minimums in place went a long way in bringing peace to the day-to-day around here.
Doesn’t it look peaceful around here?
Photo by L Guerra Photography
What are your minimums when you’re in survival mode?
![Containing Their Creations]()
by Catherine | Jun 24, 2015 | The Homefront
Jane has been creating all kinds of artistic things since she was two. Only very recently has Walt developed any interest in art. Together, the two of them could easily go through a ream of paper in a week if I’d let them. Remember, I said we were going green(er). Slowly but surely I have convinced them that they have to color on both sides of a sheet of paper before moving on to the next one! Small victories.
We have some fantastic built-ins next to the kitchen table that contain the kids’ day-to-day art supplies. I keep the occasionally used (code: DANGEROUS) items like paint and play-doh in the pantry. They are welcome to get the markers, crayons, coloring books, and paper out whenever they’d like. Before implementing our new system, I would have piles of the kids’ artistic creations covering the kitchen counter throughout the day. I was tired of asking the kids which ones they wanted to keep and which ones they wanted to throw away (now, recycle). 9 times out of 10, they answered that they wanted to keep the drawing in question. Then, the question became, “Where am I going to put these?”
The pile of papers kept getting shuffled around until Philip or I would toss most of them. The TEARS when a drawing was found in the trash can are with us forever. Jane and Walt are like elephants. They never forget.
So, I decided we needed a new system.
I employed 2 binders full of plastic page protectors (pink for Jane, blue for Walt) and a plastic 3-drawer 12″x12″ scrapbooking container that I found on clearance. Yay for sales!
I told Jane and Walt that they each get one drawer. (The top one and surface are for my office/stationery supplies.) When they are finished drawing/painting their creation, they need to decide if they’d like to keep it or recycle it. If they choose to recycle it, it goes in the garage bin. (This almost never happens.) If they would like to keep it, it goes in their designated drawer. (I chose the 12″x12″ drawer size since, as you can see, their pictures are all different sizes, and the larger drawer helps to contain them.) Once their drawer is full and can’t store another creation, we go through their drawings together, choosing which ones are going to go in their special binders.
The binders are my makeshift scrapbooks I’m using to store the kids’ memorabilia. We add only the kids’ very favorite pictures to them and recycle the rest. When they realize how many drawings they have accumulated, it’s easier for them to part with some.
I snapped a few pictures from the kids’ binders. I’m a fancy blogger, so I laid them out on top of the washer and dryer. Keepin’ it real.
A random page from Jane’s binder: On the left, we have a note home from the preschool sub about Jane saying Walt punched her in the stomach. On the right, we have Jane’s rendition of The Little Mermaid.
A random page from Walt’s binder: On the left is a typical drawing. He’s all about writing “W,” his name, and little guys (or monsters) with various numbers of eyes. On the right is one of his invitations from his 4th birthday party.
The binders are releasing me from the guilt of never finishing the kids’ baby books. It’s been a fun way to archive all of their mementos and creations in a way that we can actually maintain. As an added bonus, it’s giving all of their creations a “home” instead of the kitchen counter. I’m so glad I reclaimed the kitchen counters!
How do you archive your kids’ creations? Any tips to share?
![Decorating Our Domestic Church]()
by Catherine | Jun 12, 2015 | The Homefront
We’ve been in this home for a year, and we’re still slowly finding places to make it feel more like our own. Philip and I found some beautiful prints done by local artist, Sue Kouma Johnson, at our Catholic bookstore. We bought 3 of our favorite 8x10s.
From left to right, they are The Three Marys, Mystical Rose, and Our Lady of Guadalupe. Don’t you love the bright colors? I especially love her joyful representation of Our Lady of Guadalupe.
Last week, I found some frames at Hobby Lobby that I thought would be perfect for them. They are wooden frames with silver paint that looks weathered–almost like reclaimed barn wood.
After trimming them to fit into the frames, Philip expertly hung them in our entry hall.
I am so happy to have more religious artwork in our home. More than that, they’re in a spot where we see them often.
The frames face the wall where we hung our family crucifix that we had blessed by our pastor at our GodTeens home Mass. (Our beautiful wooden crucifix that we received at our nuptial Mass fell and broke into a bunch of pieces. We are still searching for someone who can repair that one so that we can rehang it in our bedroom. Let me know if you know someone who can help us out!) We originally had a large print left by the former owners on the wall. The 3 smaller frames make the hall seem larger and open up the space. I’m glad I stuck with a subtle, uniform look to make them look like a mini gallery.
Do you have a favorite religious artist, website, or Etsy shop to share?
![The 2nd “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Person]()
by Catherine | Jan 21, 2015 | Faith, Family, The Homefront
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life.) This is my third post in the series.
In the first post, I:
- explained what a “Rule of Life” is
- discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties
- shared our family’s mission statement
- set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”
The 5 P’s are:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
In the second post, I discussed the 1st “P”: Prayer.
Today, I’m jumping into the 2nd “P”: Person. In a nutshell, “Person” encompasses everything related to what’s going on with us physically, what’s happening internally, and how/why we’re doing and acting the way we are. The goal in searching out all of this self-knowledge is for us to gain true humility–to see ourselves as we really are. When we’re able to do that, we will realize how dependent we are on God, we will be emboldened to use our gifts, and we will be more motivated to improve on our weaknesses.
My study of “Person” involved 3 major umbrella topics:
- Healing (purifying pain vs. pain in need of healing)
- Spiritual Direction (Freedom and Integrity)
- Personal Needs
Healing
We all have pain, but Holly Pierlot provided a distinction between purifying pain and pain in need of healing that was a big help to me.
Purifying pain brings with it the grace to accept it, and to give oneself trustingly, offering oneself to the Father with Jesus. Pain in need of healing brings despair and discouragement.
In other words, God does not expect us to shoulder every cross that comes our way. While some pain can be purifying (it strengthens our resolve to live a life of heroic virtue) and can lead us closer to God, there is some pain that we should seek healing from. Keeping this in mind, I decided to make a few appointments for myself.
Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Without getting into all of the details (especially for my male readers!), let’s just say that an OBGYN is going to help get everything back in place that has been out of place.
A blood panel with my new internist revealed some hormonal irregularities and deficiencies. I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuper low on Vitamin D, and my progesterone levels were low, too. I’m managing them with medication and supplements to get things where they should be.
Non-Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Remember those 4 questions that are helping me to respond instead of react? Slowly but surely, I’m learning that I allow past hurts to dictate my reactions. I’m going to start meeting with a psychologist through Catholic Social Services to help me get to the bottom of things, teach me new anger management strategies, and work to heal those past hurts.
Spiritual Direction
Remember how I made a 2015 Board of Spiritual Directors? I’ve already gained so much from those holy men and women, but I’m still hoping to have my own personal spiritual director that I can meet with on a monthly basis. The goal is to find him/her by the end of the month so that I can start working with him/her toward Christian freedom. As Holly Pierlot’s university professor, Fr. Tom Daley, told her, “Freedom is taking responsibility for who you are to become.” When I decide to take responsibility for who it is that God is calling me to be, I will experience Christian freedom. In order to do that, I need to work toward becoming ordered internally. Holly Pierlot says, “The only way to get closer to God was to become ordered enough inside to enable me to experience him within.” My hope is that my spiritual director will help me to see what I am allowing to prevent me from having that internal order, and what I can do to change that.
Personal Needs
We all have our unique needs that help us to stay ordered internally. For me, they are:
- Quiet
- Personal morning prayer while the house is quiet
- Wednesday afternoon “Mother’s Helper”
- A high school neighbor girl watches the kids for two hours in the afternoon every Wednesday. I use the time for whatever I’d like as a mid-week recharge–blogging, running errands, a craft, meal prep, sewing, or a household project.
- Mother’s Sabbath
- Every other Saturday, I get to spend a few hours out of the house to recharge. I don’t have a set agenda, but I like I go to the Catholic bookstore, sit at a nearby coffee shop, work on the blog, read, or write in my prayer journal. One Saturday a month, I am making it a goal to end that time in confession.
- Exercise
- Philip and I came up with a schedule so that we can take turns getting in a workout in the morning.
- I take Monty for walks around the neighborhood after dinner while Philip gives the kids baths and gets them ready for bed. (As they’re finishing their evening chores, I come back to finish the dinner dishes and close up the kitchen for the night.)
- Nutritious Food
- Continued meal planning and scheduled date nights at new restaurants keep us from veering away from a planned, nutritious meal
- Rest
- Philip and I instituted an early bedtime. During the week, we are supposed to be in bed at 9:30 and have our lights out at 10. We have our good nights, but we have been staying up later this past week to spend more time together.
- We still take “family naps” on the weekends.
- Friendship
- Dinner Club for Underachievers (The inaugural dinner this past weekend was a big success, and we are excited to have this regular fixture on our calendar)
- Bunco one Friday night a month
- Weekly Bible study
- Occasional dinners out with friends
- Regularly scheduled playdates
- Intellectual Stimulation
- Regular pockets of time to read (after morning prayer, during the kids’ naps, or before bed)
Questions for you:
What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you allowing the vocation as a wife or mother to become an excuse to ignore your own personal needs? How can you enlist your husband, wife, children, or friends to help you to take better care of yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas!
* * *
Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at the 3rd “P”: Partner. As you might expect, this one is all about marriage. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life learning about this “P”!
![The 2nd "P" in Our Family's Rule of Life: Person]()
by Catherine | Jan 21, 2015 | Faith, Family, The Homefront
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life.) This is my third post in the series.
In the first post, I:
- explained what a “Rule of Life” is
- discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties
- shared our family’s mission statement
- set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”
The 5 P’s are:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
In the second post, I discussed the 1st “P”: Prayer.
Today, I’m jumping into the 2nd “P”: Person. In a nutshell, “Person” encompasses everything related to what’s going on with us physically, what’s happening internally, and how/why we’re doing and acting the way we are. The goal in searching out all of this self-knowledge is for us to gain true humility–to see ourselves as we really are. When we’re able to do that, we will realize how dependent we are on God, we will be emboldened to use our gifts, and we will be more motivated to improve on our weaknesses.
My study of “Person” involved 3 major umbrella topics:
- Healing (purifying pain vs. pain in need of healing)
- Spiritual Direction (Freedom and Integrity)
- Personal Needs
Healing
We all have pain, but Holly Pierlot provided a distinction between purifying pain and pain in need of healing that was a big help to me.
Purifying pain brings with it the grace to accept it, and to give oneself trustingly, offering oneself to the Father with Jesus. Pain in need of healing brings despair and discouragement.
In other words, God does not expect us to shoulder every cross that comes our way. While some pain can be purifying (it strengthens our resolve to live a life of heroic virtue) and can lead us closer to God, there is some pain that we should seek healing from. Keeping this in mind, I decided to make a few appointments for myself.
Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Without getting into all of the details (especially for my male readers!), let’s just say that an OBGYN is going to help get everything back in place that has been out of place.
A blood panel with my new internist revealed some hormonal irregularities and deficiencies. I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuper low on Vitamin D, and my progesterone levels were low, too. I’m managing them with medication and supplements to get things where they should be.
Non-Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Remember those 4 questions that are helping me to respond instead of react? Slowly but surely, I’m learning that I allow past hurts to dictate my reactions. I’m going to start meeting with a psychologist through Catholic Social Services to help me get to the bottom of things, teach me new anger management strategies, and work to heal those past hurts.
Spiritual Direction
Remember how I made a 2015 Board of Spiritual Directors? I’ve already gained so much from those holy men and women, but I’m still hoping to have my own personal spiritual director that I can meet with on a monthly basis. The goal is to find him/her by the end of the month so that I can start working with him/her toward Christian freedom. As Holly Pierlot’s university professor, Fr. Tom Daley, told her, “Freedom is taking responsibility for who you are to become.” When I decide to take responsibility for who it is that God is calling me to be, I will experience Christian freedom. In order to do that, I need to work toward becoming ordered internally. Holly Pierlot says, “The only way to get closer to God was to become ordered enough inside to enable me to experience him within.” My hope is that my spiritual director will help me to see what I am allowing to prevent me from having that internal order, and what I can do to change that.
Personal Needs
We all have our unique needs that help us to stay ordered internally. For me, they are:
- Quiet
- Personal morning prayer while the house is quiet
- Wednesday afternoon “Mother’s Helper”
- A high school neighbor girl watches the kids for two hours in the afternoon every Wednesday. I use the time for whatever I’d like as a mid-week recharge–blogging, running errands, a craft, meal prep, sewing, or a household project.
- Mother’s Sabbath
- Every other Saturday, I get to spend a few hours out of the house to recharge. I don’t have a set agenda, but I like I go to the Catholic bookstore, sit at a nearby coffee shop, work on the blog, read, or write in my prayer journal. One Saturday a month, I am making it a goal to end that time in confession.
- Exercise
- Philip and I came up with a schedule so that we can take turns getting in a workout in the morning.
- I take Monty for walks around the neighborhood after dinner while Philip gives the kids baths and gets them ready for bed. (As they’re finishing their evening chores, I come back to finish the dinner dishes and close up the kitchen for the night.)
- Nutritious Food
- Continued meal planning and scheduled date nights at new restaurants keep us from veering away from a planned, nutritious meal
- Rest
- Philip and I instituted an early bedtime. During the week, we are supposed to be in bed at 9:30 and have our lights out at 10. We have our good nights, but we have been staying up later this past week to spend more time together.
- We still take “family naps” on the weekends.
- Friendship
- Dinner Club for Underachievers (The inaugural dinner this past weekend was a big success, and we are excited to have this regular fixture on our calendar)
- Bunco one Friday night a month
- Weekly Bible study
- Occasional dinners out with friends
- Regularly scheduled playdates
- Intellectual Stimulation
- Regular pockets of time to read (after morning prayer, during the kids’ naps, or before bed)
Questions for you:
What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you allowing the vocation as a wife or mother to become an excuse to ignore your own personal needs? How can you enlist your husband, wife, children, or friends to help you to take better care of yourself? I’d love to hear your ideas!
* * *
Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at the 3rd “P”: Partner. As you might expect, this one is all about marriage. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life learning about this “P”!
![Revisiting Our Family's Rule of Life]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
I first read Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life back in Lent 2014. As part of my Lenten mission, I came up with a rough sketch of our Family Rule of Life. Since then, we have moved to a new house in a new city. Now that we’re settled, the kids are back in the school routine, and the craziness of the holidays are over, I’m ready to share how I started revisiting our Family Rule of Life during Advent. While my vocation and its essential duties remain the same, our surroundings, the children’s development, our relationships with God and each other have changed significantly.
Before I jump in, let’s circle back to revisit a few things:
First, what’s a “Rule of Life”?
Holly Pierlot defines a rule of life as an “examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
Before I pulled together the first draft of our schedule last year, I needed to determine:
- What’s my vocation? (My answer is what I call this the proper hierarchy of relationships. The order is very intentional here.)
- Child of God
- Wife
- Mother
- What are the essential duties that my vocation entails?
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well. (My duties to self will be explored more with the 2nd P, Person.)
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Saint Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (Ever hear of SPICE in your NFP training? We are to be available to our spouses Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Creatively, Emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that it is a “call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, it’s my job as a mother to raise my children to become saints.
With my vocation and essential duties at the forefront of our minds, Philip and I worked together last year to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is a domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I still want to get our family mission statement on canvas to hang in our kitchen. Any suggestions on a great Etsy shop or artist?
With my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I set out to re-draft our family’s schedule. A lot has changed in one year! In order to do that, I re-examined what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Your Turn:
- What would you consider the essential duties of your vocation?
- If you had a family mission statement, what would it say?
- Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today?
- What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties?
- Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources. I would LOVE to go through the 5 P’s with you!
Photo by L Guerra Photography
