![The 1st "P" in Our Rule of Life: Prayer]()
by Catherine | Feb 26, 2014 | Faith, Family, Marriage
In case you missed it, part of my Lenten mission this year is to create a Boucher Family Rule of life modeled after Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life.
Yesterday, I shared the essential tasks of my vocation and wrote a family mission statement.
Today, I’m starting my examination of the “5 P’s”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ll tackle one “P” each day for the next five days.
First up: Prayer.
Holly Pierlot is right on when she writes that we have to schedule prayer “because God isn’t so obviously urgent, because he doesn’t pester us for our attention like our children or sloppy house can.” Holly suggests making a list of all of the things you think ought to comprise a healthy prayer life. For me and where I am in my spiritual journey, those things include:
- Morning Offering
- Remember that the work of my vocation is prayer and consciously offer each chunk of the day to God to “supernaturalize the day” and “tackle every task as a direct response to God, just as if he were asking you, ‘Will you go do your laundry now?'”
- Holly Pierlot has a tremendous section on overcoming sloth by offering God our efforts. She shares Fr. John Hardon’s definition of sloth as “sluggishness of soul or boredom of the exertion necessary for the performance of any good work.”
- Regularly offer God my efforts in mental prayer
- Daily Readings & Gospel Reflection
- Angelus at Noon
- Saint of the Day Reflection
- Family Prayer (Rosary, bedtime prayers, prayer to St. Joseph as our family’s patron saint)
- Couple Prayer with Philip before bed (reading from our Catechism reflection book and spontaneous prayer)
- Regular examination of conscience and regularly scheduled reconciliation
- Journaling about habits of sin and distractions from my vocation
- Mass (start small with one day each week in addition to Sunday and Holy Days of Obligation)
- Holy Hour (Share a holy hour with Philip and alternate weeks that we go)
- Formal Study (Currently working on The Bible Timeline)
After determining the things I would like to have as a part of my regular prayer life, Holly suggests actually putting them into your schedule. For me, it would look like this:
- Throughout the day: Offer chunks of time to God to “supernaturalize my day”
- Before kids wake up: Morning Offering, dedicate day to God, Daily Readings, and Gospel Reflection
- With kids at breakfast: Morning Offering and Saint of the Day Reflection
- 8:15: Daily Mass (starting with one day a week in addition to Sunday & Holy Days)
- Noon: Angelus with the children after lunch
- During children’s naptime: Formal study (Bible Timeline), examination of conscience and journaling (start with once a week)
- After dinner: Family prayer time (Rosary or special prayers according to liturgical season, bedtime prayers)
- 8:00 p.m. every other Tuesday: shared Holy Hour with Philip
- 9:30 p.m.: Couple prayer with Philip (Read from Catechism reflection book, spontaneous prayer)
A few questions for you:
- Do you have an examination of conscience that you particularly like and can share? What about a kid friendly examination?
- What resources do you use to enter into the Daily Readings? A special app? Homilies?
- Do you have a formal study that you would recommend?
- Do you have a saint of the day resource that is great for reading with children? How do you share the stories of saints with your children?
- What does your couple prayer time look like?
- Do you have any insights to share on prayer in general?
Tomorrow, I’ll take on the 2nd P: Person. That entails all of the things I need to do to keep my person healthy and ready to serve.
* * *
This is my 3rd of 7 posts in Jen Fulwiler’s “7 Days, 7 Posts” challenge. Come on over, join in the fun link-up, and read some great blogs!
![Creating Our Boucher Family Rule of Life: Getting Started]()
by Catherine | Feb 25, 2014 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
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| Holy Family, pray for us! |
In case you missed it, part of my Lenten mission this year is to create a Boucher Family Rule of Life modeled after Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life.
First of all, what in the world is a Rule of Life? As Holly Pierlot defines it, a Rule of Life “consists primarily in the examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
So, before I get started on creating a schedule, I need to determine 2 things:
- What is my vocation?
- What essential duties does my vocation entail?
1. What is my vocation?
To determine my vocation, I considered what I call the proper order of relationships. First and foremost, I am a Child of God. Second, I am a wife. Third, I am a mother. I am all of these things, but it is essential that I keep them in this proper order.
2. What essential duties does my vocation entail?
I could go on and on listing all kinds of duties for my vocation, but I need to pare it down to the essentials to make our Family Rule effective.
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well.
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Blessed Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (spiritually, physically, intellectually, creatively, emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all other relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that parenting “is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, my job as a mother is to raise my children to become saints.
If those are only the essential duties I have as a Child of God, wife, and mother, I have A LOT to do each day! Now that I have my essential duties listed, we need define our family’s mission (what we’re doing and why) before we create a schedule. That will help our family to maintain our focus and purpose as we go about our everyday lives. Philip and I worked together to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I love our family mission statement! It really pares it down to what we’re supposed to be doing everyday. I’m printing it off and putting it on our refrigerator. Maybe someday I can get it beautifully painted on canvas to be hung in a prominent place in our home. (Any crafty friends out there know of a way for me to do this?)
Now that I have my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I need to draft our family’s schedule. In order to do that, I will be examining what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Tomorrow, I’ll focus on the first P, Prayer.
Until then, I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. Heck, I want to have a book club to discuss everything I’m uncovering in A Mother’s Rule of Life! What are the essential duties of your vocation? If you had a family mission statement, what would it say? Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today? What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties? Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources.
* * *
This is my 2nd of 7 posts in Jen Fulwiler’s “7 Posts, 7 Days” challenge. Come on over, join in the fun link-up, and read some great blogs!
![One way that I'm gearing up for Lent]()
by Catherine | Feb 21, 2014 | Faith, Family, Marriage, Uncategorized
Lent is nearly upon us, and I’m not ready–yet. It sneaks up on me every single year, but this year, I am doing some prep work so that I can enter into the season deliberately. I want to have a game plan, and I know that I’ll desperately need one this year. We’re listing the house March 3. Without a plan, I know I’ll let myself and our family get into a rut of being in survival mode, focusing on house stuff instead of the whole Jesus dying for our sins stuff.
Philip and I started our own Happiness Project last year, but we took a hiatus from it because of my post-partum depression, the Christmas season, and life in general. I’ve been wanting to revisit our Happiness Project, but I want to give it more focus. When I was thinking about revisiting our Happiness Project, I came across Jen Fulwiler’s post, “Admitting that I can’t do it all…or even half of it.”
Jen wrote about the overwhelming burden we place on ourselves when we create impossible do-it-all to-do lists. In the post, she mentions Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life. Have you read the book? Do yourself and your family a favor, and read it!
The book centers around one Catholic mama’s desire to bring order and peace to her home. To do so, Holly created a mother’s rule of life modeled after the daily schedule of the Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa’s order). Holly wisely realized that the daily schedule for the Missionaries of Charity allows them to have peace, order, and ample time to accomplish only that which needs to be done for the day.
Daily Schedule for the Missionaries of Charity
4:30-5:00 Rise and get cleaned up
5:00-6:30 Prayers and Mass
6:30-8:00 Breakfast and cleanup
8:00-12:30 Work for the poor
12:30-2:30 Lunch and rest
2:30-3:00 Spiritual reading and meditation
3:00-3:15 Tea break
3:15-4:30 Adoration
4:30-7:30 Work for the poor
7:30-9:00 Dinner and clean up
9:00-9:45 Night prayers
9:45 Bedtime
The focus of the day is a healthy balance of prayer, work, and rest. The Missionaries of Charity keep this simple schedule without overburdening themselves with all of the extra stuff. By keeping their priorities in check, they are able to work with God to multiply their time doing what needs to be done and cutting the rest. The schedule clearly shows that the women trust that God will help them to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished.
I’m nearly finished with A Mother’s Rule of Life, and I am chomping at the bit to create my own Boucher Family Rule of Life. I’ve decided that creating our Family Rule and implementing it will be my big Lenten mission. Our family will need order and peace as we list the house and prepare to move. I want to have those habits in place before the chaos enters the scene, and I want to start living with order and peace now.
Philip and I will work together (with a whole lotta prayer!) to discuss our family mission and how best to accomplish that mission. I plan to finish the book this weekend and start drawing up our family rule of life. To create our family rule, I am going to examine the “5 Ps” from A Mother’s Rule of Life:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’m ready to abandon what the world says is best for our family and start deliberately living out what God is asking of our domestic church. Throughout Lent, I’ll be posting snippets and reflections on the various components of our Boucher Family Rule of Life. I look forward to hearing how you structure your days with your family and how you are bringing peace and order to your home. Now, I’m just praying for the graces to actually do what I think God is asking of our domestic church. It’s going to take a very healthy dose of humility to really hear what God is asking of me as the spiritual heart of our home.
St. Joseph, our 2014 patron saint for our family, pray for us!
![One way that I’m gearing up for Lent]()
by Catherine | Feb 21, 2014 | Faith, Family, Marriage, Uncategorized
Lent is nearly upon us, and I’m not ready–yet. It sneaks up on me every single year, but this year, I am doing some prep work so that I can enter into the season deliberately. I want to have a game plan, and I know that I’ll desperately need one this year. We’re listing the house March 3. Without a plan, I know I’ll let myself and our family get into a rut of being in survival mode, focusing on house stuff instead of the whole Jesus dying for our sins stuff.
Philip and I started our own Happiness Project last year, but we took a hiatus from it because of my post-partum depression, the Christmas season, and life in general. I’ve been wanting to revisit our Happiness Project, but I want to give it more focus. When I was thinking about revisiting our Happiness Project, I came across Jen Fulwiler’s post, “Admitting that I can’t do it all…or even half of it.”
Jen wrote about the overwhelming burden we place on ourselves when we create impossible do-it-all to-do lists. In the post, she mentions Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life. Have you read the book? Do yourself and your family a favor, and read it!
The book centers around one Catholic mama’s desire to bring order and peace to her home. To do so, Holly created a mother’s rule of life modeled after the daily schedule of the Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa’s order). Holly wisely realized that the daily schedule for the Missionaries of Charity allows them to have peace, order, and ample time to accomplish only that which needs to be done for the day.
Daily Schedule for the Missionaries of Charity
4:30-5:00 Rise and get cleaned up
5:00-6:30 Prayers and Mass
6:30-8:00 Breakfast and cleanup
8:00-12:30 Work for the poor
12:30-2:30 Lunch and rest
2:30-3:00 Spiritual reading and meditation
3:00-3:15 Tea break
3:15-4:30 Adoration
4:30-7:30 Work for the poor
7:30-9:00 Dinner and clean up
9:00-9:45 Night prayers
9:45 Bedtime
The focus of the day is a healthy balance of prayer, work, and rest. The Missionaries of Charity keep this simple schedule without overburdening themselves with all of the extra stuff. By keeping their priorities in check, they are able to work with God to multiply their time doing what needs to be done and cutting the rest. The schedule clearly shows that the women trust that God will help them to accomplish all that needs to be accomplished.
I’m nearly finished with A Mother’s Rule of Life, and I am chomping at the bit to create my own Boucher Family Rule of Life. I’ve decided that creating our Family Rule and implementing it will be my big Lenten mission. Our family will need order and peace as we list the house and prepare to move. I want to have those habits in place before the chaos enters the scene, and I want to start living with order and peace now.
Philip and I will work together (with a whole lotta prayer!) to discuss our family mission and how best to accomplish that mission. I plan to finish the book this weekend and start drawing up our family rule of life. To create our family rule, I am going to examine the “5 Ps” from A Mother’s Rule of Life:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’m ready to abandon what the world says is best for our family and start deliberately living out what God is asking of our domestic church. Throughout Lent, I’ll be posting snippets and reflections on the various components of our Boucher Family Rule of Life. I look forward to hearing how you structure your days with your family and how you are bringing peace and order to your home. Now, I’m just praying for the graces to actually do what I think God is asking of our domestic church. It’s going to take a very healthy dose of humility to really hear what God is asking of me as the spiritual heart of our home.
St. Joseph, our 2014 patron saint for our family, pray for us!
![Small Success Thursday #4]()
by Catherine | Jan 23, 2014 | Family, Marriage, The Homefront
Here are a few of our small successes from this week. Per usual, it reads more like a week in review, but I consider another week a success! Besides, it’s my blog, and I’ll do it how I want! 🙂
Here we go:
I’m getting down on the ground and having more fun with the kids these days. Here’s a “shed castle” that Walt and I built together. He’s finally developing his own interests separate than Jane’s, and he’s constantly asking me, “Come and build a tower, Mommy!” or, “Come play cars with me, Mommy!”
There’s a lot more laughing around here, too. Jane decided she’d accessorize her Rody. She looks good, huh?
I’m getting better about letting the little things go. Jane found every single hair accessory she owns and threw them throughout the front living room. The floor was covered several minutes after I snapped this picture. When I asked her what she was doing, she informed me that she was “practicing to be a flower fairy.” She seems to think that she’s going to be a flower girl (aka “flower fairy”) someday, and she has big dreams of my little brother getting married in the near future. I let the hair accessories hang out on the floor, and I resisted the temptation to pick them up. I waited until after a morning play date, and I let Jane pick them up all by herself. This is “small” successes, right?
I’m enlisting the kids to help get the house spic and span. Walt loves dusting!
Philip and I went out to dinner at a great Spanish restaurant called España. (Hooray for LivingSocial!) Sipping on some sangria and eating the delicious tapas brought me back to my semester abroad in Salamanca. Those spaniards know how to live! Here are a few pics from our yummy date.
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| Either Philip has a knack for catching me at my most glamorous moments, or I didn’t want to stop eating the delicious food for a picture. |
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| Our drinks. Raspberry-infused mojito for me, red red wine for Philip |
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| Ceviche |
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| Croquetas |
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| Ohhhhhhhh, the mussels! |
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| Nom nom nom |
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| ¡PAELLA! |
The family rosary is such a part of our routine that Jane and Walt asked their babysitters to pray it with them when Philip and I went out. Yay for sweet Catholic high school girls that prayed with our children!
Adventures in home improvement continue before we list the house in a few weeks! We went to a carpet/flooring store last Saturday. I consider it a success that nobody had a meltdown, and we were able to get exactly what we were looking for at a great price.
Our parish had a fun Trivia Nite. Our team theme was “Words With Friends,” and we spelled out “GENIUSES.” We had a great time, and you wouldn’t believe how great all of the other teams’ themes and costumes were! Wow! We really need to step it up for next time. It was a fun night with friends.
I finished our “Circle Time” board. Here’s a post explaining how I made it and how we use it.
We had our monthly dinner with my side of the family on Sunday. At one point in the evening, we realized ALL 6 of us were in the same room without any of the in-laws and just a few of the babies. My brother said, “Woah! Look! It’s just us! When was the last time that happened?!” My parents and Philip came in to snap a few pics. It was fun to hang out with the original 6–even if it was just for a few minutes.
Harry is adored by his big sibs. Really, they can’t get enough of the guy. They’re incredibly gentle and sweet with him. Who knew the best part of their morning would be putting Minnie Mouse on Harry’s head and laughing hysterically?
He’s the happiest baby ever.
Your turn! What are your small successes from this week? Come on over to CatholicMom to join in the fun! If you’re using social media, be sure to use the hashtag #SmallSuccess.
![“Honey, do you think you might have post-partum depression?”]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2014 | Family, Marriage
It was a few days after my birthday (November 26th), and we were sitting on the couch at the end of an especially trying day. At least, I thought it was especially trying. Looking back, it was probably just an ordinary day. The way I was responding to each day was anything but ordinary, though. After watching me turn into a shell of myself for nearly a month, Philip finally had the courage to ask that night,
“Honey, do you think you might have post-partum depression?”
Instead of immediately jumping into defense mode or attacking him, I sat quietly. I probably sat silent for ten seconds before I said, “Honestly? I don’t know. You know more about it than I do. Pretend I’m a patient, and ask me the questions.”
“Okay, I’ll rattle off the symptoms, and you tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no.'”
“Okay.”
“Are you anxious?”
“Yes.”
“Tired?”
“Yes.”
“Have poor or increased appetite?”
“Yes.”
“Irritable?”
“Yes.”
“Is it easy to make you cry?”
“Yes.”
“Do you feel depressed?”
“Yes.”
“Honey, I think you have post-partum depression.”
I knew he was right. I was nursing Harry, and I started sobbing. I told Philip I thought he was right. We spent the next hour talking about what our next move would be. I said that going to just any doctor made me nervous. I’m not anti-medicine. Heck, I married a doctor! I just wanted to make sure I was going to see someone that would treat whatever underlying condition was going on rather than immediately place me on an anti-depressant.
Then, I had an idea. I remembered when we were learning about the Creighton Model at Pope Paul VI Institute during our engagement that they treated post-partum depression with hormone therapy. I knew I needed to have a yearly physical anyway, so I suggested that I could see someone at a local Catholic medical practice called Sancta Familia. I knew at least one of their nurse practitioners received her training through Pope Paul VI Institute and would first try working with my body to see if there was something happening with my hormones that was throwing me out of whack. Then, if the hormone therapy didn’t work, we could look into the possibility of a chemical imbalance and pursue antidepressant treatment. I just didn’t want antidepressants to be my first step in case it was something else. Using the Creighton Model in our marriage taught me what a significant impact our hormones place on our day-to-day living.
We talked about how life couldn’t continue as it had, but I still wasn’t sold that I had post-partum depression. Harry was 4 months old. I thought, “Doesn’t post-partum depression only happen during a short window after delivery? Maybe this is just straight-up depression.”
We talked more about how I was feeling and what my days were like. The other main reason I didn’t think it could be post-partum depression was that I wasn’t weepy. I assumed I had to be weepy, not wanting to have anything to do with my baby, and not wanting to get out of bed. That wasn’t me at all. If anything, I bonded with Harry much faster than I did with Jane and Walt. Since I didn’t nurse Jane or Walt more than a few weeks, breastfeeding helped to cement my bond with Harry quickly.
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| How could I be depressed? Look at that face! My life is so blessed! |
Instead of being weepy or wanting to stay in bed, my biggest symptom was extreme anger. Although I never feared that I would harm the kids or myself, I couldn’t believe how quickly I could go from 0-60. The tiniest things would set me off. I could be making lunch and hear Jane knock over a tower that Walt had built. I would lose it. I would clap my hands together, yell, and physically carry her to a timeout. I felt like I could punch a hole through the dry wall with all of the anger and frustration. I felt like I was watching myself raise the children. In those moments, I would hear myself yelling while I thought, “Why are you doing this? Why are you yelling at the children? You’re a monster!” I knew something was terribly wrong when Jane added to the end of our prayer before lunch, “God, please help Mommy not to be so angry. Amen.”
I wasn’t engaged with anything we were doing. It had to be more than new mom exhaustion. Even though it’s a wild job taking care of three kiddos three and under and being married to a pediatric resident, the day-to-day shouldn’t have been bringing me to where I was–the depths of despair. I woke up every morning and thought, “How am I going to do this? God, help me. Just help me to make it to the end of the day.” Harry is a fantastic sleeper, so lack of sleep couldn’t explain the extreme exhaustion I felt. I felt like I was drowning. I felt like no matter how much I did each day, it was never enough, and I never felt like what I did was good enough.
When it came to my relationship with Philip, I was sick of our routine of fighting at the end of each day. When Philip asked me if I thought I had post-partum depression, I realized why things had been so bad between us. I spent all of my energy trying to keep it all together for the kids during the day, and by the time he got home, I had nothing left to give. I interpreted every comment he made as a criticism. I nit-picked every helpful thing I saw him doing. When he asked me how my day was, I either responded with a laundry list of every thing that went wrong or a one word, “awful.” I resisted or brushed off his attempts to be affectionate. In turn, the combination of all of my behaviors made Philip cold and distant, always walking on eggshells to avoid a blowup. It became a vicious cycle, each of us mirroring the other’s behavior, continuing to fuel each other’s frustration.
Fortunately, Philip was brave enough to ask the tough question.
That night on the couch, I told Philip between sobs, “I hate who I am. I want to be me again. I’m sorry for being a bad wife. I’m sorry for being a bad mother. Let’s make the appointment tomorrow.”
Philip assured me that I was a great wife and mother and that he would do everything he could to help us get back to normal. After we hugged, I said, “I am so relieved. I didn’t want to admit that something was wrong because I was so afraid that this was just the new normal. I felt so guilty because our life is so blessed. We have a great marriage, this beautiful home, our beautiful children, our family, our health, but I still feel like none of it matters. Hearing you say that what’s been going on could be because of a medical condition is actually a relief. I am ready to get on with life and start enjoying it again.”
A few days later, I was pulling up to Sancta Familia to say, “I think I might have post-partum depression.”
* * *
I’ll pick up next time with my appointment at Sancta Familila. I’ll talk about my treatment plan, the ups and downs, and what things are looking like lately. In the meantime, all of your prayers and support are greatly appreciated.
