![Over at CatholicMom: Responding Instead of Reacting]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Family, Marriage
One of my many resolutions in 2015 is to start responding instead of reacting.
What’s the difference between responding and reacting? Here are a few words I would use to describe the two options we have when conflict arises.
Reacting:
- Immediate
- Fight/flight
- Feeling like a victim
- Emotional
- Impulsive
- Not gathering all of the information
- Passive aggressive
- Short-sighted
- Overreacting
- Jumping to conclusions
- Avoiding
- Unproductive
Responding:
- Open
- Listening (though not always agreeing)
- Respecting (though not always agreeing)
- Loving (though not always agreeing)
- Deliberate
- Thoughtful
- Rational
- Taking responsibility
- Productive
- Solution-based
- Cooperative
- Collaborative
It is so, so, so easy for me to jump into a habit of reacting when I’m in survival mode. The stressor could be the holidays, illness, having a newborn, a teething toddler, a preschooler waging an epic battle of wills, a stressed out husband, or the day-to-day demands of running a home with a growing family. It’s easy for me to pick any of those opportunities to start (over)reacting all over the place…[Read the rest at CatholicMom]
![Revisiting Our Family's Rule of Life]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
I first read Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life back in Lent 2014. As part of my Lenten mission, I came up with a rough sketch of our Family Rule of Life. Since then, we have moved to a new house in a new city. Now that we’re settled, the kids are back in the school routine, and the craziness of the holidays are over, I’m ready to share how I started revisiting our Family Rule of Life during Advent. While my vocation and its essential duties remain the same, our surroundings, the children’s development, our relationships with God and each other have changed significantly.
Before I jump in, let’s circle back to revisit a few things:
First, what’s a “Rule of Life”?
Holly Pierlot defines a rule of life as an “examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
Before I pulled together the first draft of our schedule last year, I needed to determine:
- What’s my vocation? (My answer is what I call this the proper hierarchy of relationships. The order is very intentional here.)
- Child of God
- Wife
- Mother
- What are the essential duties that my vocation entails?
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well. (My duties to self will be explored more with the 2nd P, Person.)
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Saint Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (Ever hear of SPICE in your NFP training? We are to be available to our spouses Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Creatively, Emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that it is a “call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, it’s my job as a mother to raise my children to become saints.
With my vocation and essential duties at the forefront of our minds, Philip and I worked together last year to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is a domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I still want to get our family mission statement on canvas to hang in our kitchen. Any suggestions on a great Etsy shop or artist?
With my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I set out to re-draft our family’s schedule. A lot has changed in one year! In order to do that, I re-examined what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Your Turn:
- What would you consider the essential duties of your vocation?
- If you had a family mission statement, what would it say?
- Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today?
- What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties?
- Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources. I would LOVE to go through the 5 P’s with you!
![Revisiting Our Family’s Rule of Life]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2015 | Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
I first read Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life back in Lent 2014. As part of my Lenten mission, I came up with a rough sketch of our Family Rule of Life. Since then, we have moved to a new house in a new city. Now that we’re settled, the kids are back in the school routine, and the craziness of the holidays are over, I’m ready to share how I started revisiting our Family Rule of Life during Advent. While my vocation and its essential duties remain the same, our surroundings, the children’s development, our relationships with God and each other have changed significantly.
Before I jump in, let’s circle back to revisit a few things:
First, what’s a “Rule of Life”?
Holly Pierlot defines a rule of life as an “examination of one’s vocation and the duties it entails, and the development of a schedule for fulfilling these responsibilities in a consistent and orderly way.”
Before I pulled together the first draft of our schedule last year, I needed to determine:
- What’s my vocation? (My answer is what I call this the proper hierarchy of relationships. The order is very intentional here.)
- Child of God
- Wife
- Mother
- What are the essential duties that my vocation entails?
- Child of God: Sustain a regular prayer life, frequent the sacraments, attend Mass, and show my love of God through my love of neighbor. I also have the responsibility to care for myself (personal prayer, recreation, good nutrition, exercise, rest) so that I can perform all of my duties well. (My duties to self will be explored more with the 2nd P, Person.)
- Wife: Holly Pierlot quotes Saint Pope John Paul II as saying that love could be defined as “availability, acceptance, and help.” As a wife, I have the duty to: be available to my husband (Ever hear of SPICE in your NFP training? We are to be available to our spouses Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Creatively, Emotionally), be accepting of all of him, and to be a helper instead of a hindrance on his journey to sainthood. In order to fulfill my duties as a wife, I need to keep my relationship with Philip second only to my relationship with God, but above all relationships–even our children.
- Mother: I can’t sum up my duties as a mother more succinctly than Holly Pierlot did in her section on parenting. She says that it is a “call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.” To be my children’s primary educator means remembering Pope Pius XI’s wise words that, “Education consists essentially in preparing man for what he must be, and for what he must do here below, in order to attain the sublime end for which he was created.” In sum, it’s my job as a Christian mother to foster my children’s relationship with God so that they can: hear His voice calling them to their specific vocation, receive the graces to live it out well, and glorify Him through their lives as a preparation for their eternal reward with Him. Ultimately, it’s my job as a mother to raise my children to become saints.
With my vocation and essential duties at the forefront of our minds, Philip and I worked together last year to create our family mission statement. Here it is:
The Boucher Family is a domestic church whose mission is to know, love, and serve God. Our aim is to live intentionally as Jesus’ disciples, propel one another to sainthood, and joyfully share our love of God with others.
I still want to get our family mission statement on canvas to hang in our kitchen. Any suggestions on a great Etsy shop or artist?
With my vocation’s duties outlined and our family mission statement written, I set out to re-draft our family’s schedule. A lot has changed in one year! In order to do that, I re-examined what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 Ps.”
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
Your Turn:
- What would you consider the essential duties of your vocation?
- If you had a family mission statement, what would it say?
- Are you fulfilling the essential duties of your vocation? If not, what practical changes can you make today?
- What is keeping you from fulfilling your essential duties?
- Are you preventing someone else from fulfilling his/her essential duties?
If you’re interested in creating your own Rule of Life, read A Mother’s Rule of Life and visit Holly Pierlot’s website for some great resources. I would LOVE to go through the 5 P’s with you!
![Put It To Work 9]()
by Catherine | Jan 5, 2015 | Faith, Family, Marriage
Happy Monday! That means it’s time to Put It To Work! For those of you who are new to my blog, Put It To Work is my regular feature on Mondays. Monday mornings can be chaotic & stressful. I think that makes it a perfect time for us to swap prayer intentions with the promise of “putting them to work” for one another.
What’s that mean?
It means that we’ll actively unite any little suffering we might have during the week to the cross for the other person’s intention.
Here are my intentions for the week:
- GodTeens: Our parish assistant pastor is joining us for dinner and our GodTeens meeting afterward on Wednesday. Our teens came up with questions to ask him that I sent ahead of time. We’ll spend the evening in discussion. Please pray that the time is fruitful, that the Holy Spirit speaks through our assistant pastor, and that the teens’ ears are opened to hearing whatever it is that God wants them to hear.
- Marriage: For a renewed commitment to our couple prayer time before bed. Philip and I are trying to implement something different as we begin the new year. Please pray for our success!
- Kids: For a smooth transition as we get back into the everyday preschool routine after Christmas vacation.
- A personal intention.
Your turn! What intentions can I start “putting to work” for you this week? I will add them to my prayer journal and pray for you by name throughout the week. Please share them in the comment box below, on the blog Facebook page, or send them to me via the “contact” button on the main menu bar.
Thank you in advance for your prayers! Hope you’re having a blessed start to 2015!
![Thirsting Thursday: "I'm Sorry"]()
by Catherine | Nov 13, 2014 | Faith, Marriage
I know, I’m crazy, but I have another harebrained idea for a new regular series on the blog. I’m calling it “Thirsting Thursday.” No, no, I’m not talking about the “Thirsty Thursday” from your college days. J.C. gave me the idea when he said, “I thirst” (John 19:28).
I don’t know about you, but by Thursday, I’m usually thirsting. With the weekend nearly in sight and the exhaustion of the week building up, I. Am. Thirsty. I’m thirsting for inspiration, for encouragement, for a break.
- Amen, brother!
On those Thursdays when I’m needing a little pick-me-up, I thought it would be fun to revisit my previous blog posts. I’ve been writing for three years, so I’ve accumulated all kinds of posts with fun dialogues from you readers. On Thirsting Thursdays, let’s go back to those treasured posts, pull out the nuggets, ask some new questions, add new insights, share how we’re STILL struggling, and encourage each other to keep going!
Today, let’s go back to my post called, “I’m Sorry.” I published it in August 2012. It’s all about how a Catholic Answers Live episode taught Philip and I how to readily forgive one another when we’re fighting.
Philip says, “It’s helpful if both people are willing to say they’re sorry because usually both people contributed to the problem. Even if you don’t feel like you’re wrong, saying you’re sorry doesn’t mean that you’re wrong, but that the way you approached making your point might have been the issue rather than what you were saying. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t mean ‘I was wrong.'”
He had this to add: “Show the other person that you understand where they are coming from and show them that you understand their reaction. Keeping the focus on their feelings and not just on the problem helps you both to move on.
When you get to a standstill, focus on understanding where the other person is coming from rather than trying to make them understand your point of view. That helps us to move on faster and spend more time together.”
After you (re)read the post, I’d love to discuss:
- Do you and your spouse have a strategy for moving through conflict faster?
- Have you noticed any patterns to your fights?
- Are you guilty of keeping “I’m sorry score”?
- When was the last time you said the words, “I forgive you”?
- When was the last time you heard the words, “I forgive you”?
Cheers to you this Thirsting Thursday!
![Thirsting Thursday: “I’m Sorry”]()
by Catherine | Nov 13, 2014 | Faith, Marriage
I know, I’m crazy, but I have another harebrained idea for a new regular series on the blog. I’m calling it “Thirsting Thursday.” No, no, I’m not talking about the “Thirsty Thursday” from your college days. J.C. gave me the idea when he said, “I thirst” (John 19:28).
I don’t know about you, but by Thursday, I’m usually thirsting. With the weekend nearly in sight and the exhaustion of the week building up, I. Am. Thirsty. I’m thirsting for inspiration, for encouragement, for a break.
- Amen, brother!
On those Thursdays when I’m needing a little pick-me-up, I thought it would be fun to revisit my previous blog posts. I’ve been writing for three years, so I’ve accumulated all kinds of posts with fun dialogues from you readers. On Thirsting Thursdays, let’s go back to those treasured posts, pull out the nuggets, ask some new questions, add new insights, share how we’re STILL struggling, and encourage each other to keep going!
Today, let’s go back to my post called, “I’m Sorry.” I published it in August 2012. It’s all about how a Catholic Answers Live episode taught Philip and I how to readily forgive one another when we’re fighting.
Philip says, “It’s helpful if both people are willing to say they’re sorry because usually both people contributed to the problem. Even if you don’t feel like you’re wrong, saying you’re sorry doesn’t mean that you’re wrong, but that the way you approached making your point might have been the issue rather than what you were saying. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t mean ‘I was wrong.'”
He had this to add: “Show the other person that you understand where they are coming from and show them that you understand their reaction. Keeping the focus on their feelings and not just on the problem helps you both to move on.
When you get to a standstill, focus on understanding where the other person is coming from rather than trying to make them understand your point of view. That helps us to move on faster and spend more time together.”
After you (re)read the post, I’d love to discuss:
- Do you and your spouse have a strategy for moving through conflict faster?
- Have you noticed any patterns to your fights?
- Are you guilty of keeping “I’m sorry score”?
- When was the last time you said the words, “I forgive you”?
- When was the last time you heard the words, “I forgive you”?
Cheers to you this Thirsting Thursday!
