![Helpful Husbands Are Hot]()
by Catherine | Apr 17, 2012 | Marriage
I am very blessed to have a husband who takes on more than his fair share around the house. I owe Philip’s wonderful parents a big “thank you” for raising him to treat our marriage as a partnership. Philip routinely offers to cook, bake, clean, offer me a break when he gets home from work, or do any other odd job around the house–all in addition to working very hard as a pediatric resident. When I’m pregnant (which, in recent history, has been a good amount), he takes on even more. What a guy, huh?
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| Changing Janie’s diaper our first night home from the hospital |
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| Helping Janie put on her princess boots, Christmas 2011 |
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| Cuddling Walt after his bottle |
Although Philip has always been a good sport about helping out, I’ve only recently figured out that he needs my encouragement with helping out, and that I need to take the time to encourage him. It’s taken me almost four years of marriage to figure out the best way to encourage him. In my experience, it takes 2 things:
- Verbally acknowledge and thank him for all of the things he does around the house that are helpful.
- Tell him what a hot hunk of a man he is when he helps out.
Both of these things sound intuitive, but for blockheads like me, it still takes practice.
1. Verbally acknowledge and thank him for all of the things he does around the house that are helpful.
Now that I’m at home with the kids full-time, my days are filled with all kinds of little things that I do on a routine basis. Philip has always been great at noticing and showing me that he notices.
“Hey, did you vacuum and dust? I can tell. It looks great!”
“Oh, thanks for refilling the soap in the bathroom.”
“Thanks for dinner. I think that recipe is a keeper.”
Simply saying all of these little things adds up to me feeling appreciated and acknowledged. Being a stay-at-home mom can be a thankless job (especially before the kids are even talking!), but Philip is so good at filling up my bucket simply by noticing and thanking me for the little stuff.
You’d think that I would intuitively reciprocate, but I’m embarrassed to say I’ve had to train myself to thank Philip for all of the little things he does. I’ve always noticed when Philip shows initiative and takes care of something around the house, but sometimes I’ll forget to tell him.
I might see that he’s refilled the diapers in the changing table, but before I thank him, I’m likely to get distracted by a crying toddler, a diaper pail that needs emptying, or a ringing phone. Instead of circling back to thanking Philip for refilling the diapers, I forget and move on with my day. He doesn’t help out around the house for the thanks, but when he’s done a few things and they aren’t acknowledged, he must feel that his efforts aren’t appreciated.
I am working on thanking Philip for the things I see as soon as I can or make a mental note to thank him later. He really appreciates the recognition and thanks for his efforts to help out, especially when he goes the extra mile.
2. Tell him what a hot hunk of a man he is when he helps out.
What guy doesn’t like being told by his wife that she thinks he’s a total hottie? Ladies, why
not tell your husband he’s a total hottie for helping out?
Guys, we’re not just telling you you’re hot to get you to help out. We really do think you’re irresistible when you help out–especially when you do something a certain way because we’ve asked you to (read: because we think it’s the right way to do it).
Philip started tri-folding his towel and wiping the lint off of the dryer top when he does laundry. That’s hot.
Philip intercepted me on my way to change Walt’s dirty diaper and said, “Let me do it.” Even hotter.
Philip did the dinner dishes, cleaned the sink, wiped down the counters, and took out the trash. Cowboy, take me away!
To really drive the point home, ladies, employ a little embarrassing PDA in front of the kids–especially if they’re at the age that they think you’re gross. Jane’s still young enough to think it’s funny, and Walt just laughs at whatever Jane laughs at.
After an especially helpful afternoon, I threw my arms around Philip’s neck and said in my most irresistible voice, “Have I ever told you how hot it is when you cook and change dirty diapers?” Naturally, Philip was pleasantly surprised. Jane and Walt laughed at us from the kitchen table, and Philip told them to avert their eyes while he gave me an embarrassingly long kiss. You’d think we were doing stand-up from the reaction the peanut gallery gave us.
In conclusion:
Your hubby wants you to keep thinking he’s hot + you think he’s hot when he helps out + you tell him that he’s hot when he helps out and thank him for his efforts = a happy, helpful husband
![Love Notes and Keeping the Romance Alive]()
by Catherine | Jan 7, 2012 | Marriage
Philip started the tradition of leaving me little love notes when we were dating. He’d leave Post-It notes, index cards, or scraps of paper in places where he knew I’d find them later. I’d find sweet, funny, motivational messages in my planner, on my vanity, in my purse, etc. He even left me a note on top of my alarm clock as part of his elaborate marriage proposal.
He still leaves me these little notes on a regular basis. I was still waking up this morning when I opened up the drawer with all of our bottle stuff and found this note:
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| “Thanks for being such a super mommy! I appreciate everything that you do for our family. Have a good day! Love you” |
I got butterflies and instantly felt like I was back in college, dating the sweet guy from the honors dorms. I was thrilled to discover that I can still get the butterflies waking up and getting the kids rolling in the morning.
I recently discovered a great site called For Your Marriage. It’s an initiative by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops to help strengthen the vocation of marriage. There are all kinds of resources, including a Daily Marriage Tip that I subscribe to.
I wrote a previous blog post about reclaiming date night. Making it a point to have a romantic evening at least once a week during the week has really helped us to strengthen our relationship. It’s been easy for us to get stuck in the rut of putting the kids to bed, watching a show or two on tv, and then going to bed ourselves. Date night for us can be as simple as a game of Scrabble and some wine, but it’s a chance for us to connect and focus on us.
Are you and your husband stuck in a dating rut? Are you even dating anymore? Consider these weekly dating ideas.
Having a regular date night has made a big difference in our ability to: communicate effectively, take inventory of where we are, have more fun, resolve more conflict, take things less seriously, strengthen our prayer life, and be more motivated to reach our individual goals.
If it’s been awhile since you’ve talked about the issues covered at Engaged Encounter, consider doing this “Grade Your Marriage” activity with your spouse. It’s a good chance to check-in with each other on how you think things are going. What better time to do it than as we begin a new calendar year?
Philip has always been so good about doing lots of little things to show me that he loves me. One of my goals in the New Year is to show Philip in lots of little ways how much I love him.
What kind of little things do you do for your spouse (and vice versa) to show one another how much you care? I’d love to hear about them.
Now, I realize I’m writing this post on a Friday evening when I’m supposed to be having a hot date with my husband. Before you all cry “hypocrite!”, rest assured that we have our version of an exciting night planned. Philip’s taking a quick nap after a long day at work, and then we’re watching a movie together and getting Dairy Queen Blizzards to celebrate the end of a long week. You know you’re jealous… 🙂 Now, go and get back to dating your spouse!
![My Husband is Better Than Your Husband]()
by Catherine | Nov 18, 2011 | Marriage
I’m sure your husband is great too, but I wanted the spirit of healthy competition to get your attention.
Have you ever noticed how women have a tendency to start bashing their husbands when they get together? The women transform into clones of “Debra,” Patricia Heaton’s character who plays the wife of Ray Romano on “Everybody Loves Raymond.” All of the Debras compete to decide who gets the Laziest and Most Incompetent Husband Award. It inevitably turns into one woman trying to one-up the other. “If you think that’s bad, listen to this…”
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| From the TBS website |
I did a little mind experiment that scared the heck out of me. If Philip were to come across a wife-bashing session with a bunch of guys (as if they’d waste their time talking about us!), what kind of ammo would he have on me? This, of course, is not the only reason we should be praising our husbands instead of throwing them under the bus, but isn’t it a little terrifying? Need we remember the last time we went on a hormonal tirade that ended in tears and the words, “I don’t know why I’m like this!” The first step toward recovery is admitting that you have a problem, right? Or, am I the only one with serious issues?
Regardless of the ammo we could supply our husband with in a wife-bashing session, us wives need to do a better job of praising our husbands — to them and to others. There aren’t enough positive examples of husbands. Men are made out to be lazy and incompetent idiots who do little more than get in the way and retreat to their man caves when they’re home.
I’m sick of it for men. I want to share why my husband should receive the Husband of the Year Award, and I hope it will encourage all of you to share why your husband should receive the award as well. There are a lot of great husbands and fathers out there, so let’s recognize them!
Here’s my nomination for Philip:
Philip works long hours as a first-year pediatric resident. Although recent work hour restrictions allow him to spend more time with us as a husband and father, he still has a long work week. He never complains about how much he works or the everyday annoyances that inevitably come up. He doesn’t give whatever he has leftover to our family, but he gives the best of himself. He walks in the door with a big smile on his face for me and the babies. He gives us big hugs and kisses and immediately asks us how our days were.
He doesn’t stop working when he gets home. He helps with dinner, plays with the kids, does bathtime, storytime, and works on the honey-do list. I know he wants to relax because he’s had a long day, but he routinely asks me if I’d like a break. “Do you want to go and read for awhile? I can clean up dinner and put the kids to bed.” Ahhhhh, I love you!
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| Reading “Horton Hears a Who!” to Janie and Walt |
Last night, he suggested I go out to dinner with a college friend because “[I] deserve a break.” (Yes, last night was Thursday so it was technically “date night,” so we’ve postponed this week’s date night to Saturday.) Not only was it great to have some time out with a friend, but I couldn’t believe what I discovered when I came home. Philip had steamed the carpets, cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned up the kitchen from dinner with the kids, and mopped the kitchen floor. He gave me a big hug when I came home, said that he was glad I got to have some time with a friend, and suggested we watch some “Top Chef” before bed. He didn’t even try to brag about all of the great things he had done around the house. He let me discover all of them on my own. Now, if that doesn’t earn the Husband of the Year Award, please tell me what does.
Who think their husband deserves a nomination? Let’s hear them! Share the great things your husband does for you and your family.
![Reclaiming Date Night — At Home]()
by Catherine | Nov 11, 2011 | Marriage
Before marriage, Philip and I went on our Catholic Engaged Encounter weekend along with several other engaged Catholic couples. We received a lot of great advice, but some points stick out more than others. We keep revisiting this point: Keep your priorities straight. Your order of priorities should be:
- God
- Your Marriage
- Your Children
- Everything Else
These pictures from our nuptial Mass pretty well sum up that point.
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| Receiving a blessing on the crucifix that hangs in our home. We brought it with us on our honeymoon to Rome to be blessed by Pope Benedict XVI when he blessed our marriage. |
Having our children has been a tremendous, life-changing blessing, and we both agree that we wouldn’t trade our “old married couple” life for anything. Unfortunately, we’ve gotten into the bad habit of putting the kids and their needs before our marriage. It’s easy to do that when you have two kids under two in diapers! They need us, they have a lot of needs, and we love them, so we try to do everything we can to make them happy. The problem is that Philip and I need each other, too. We need to make sure we’re giving the best of ourselves to each other and not just whatever is leftover from the busy day. We want our children to know that we still love each other very much romantically.
Evenings always seem to go by in a blur. Philip gets home from the hospital (unless he’s working the night shift), we have dinner, I clean up the dishes while Philip gives the kids baths, Janie gets a goodnight story after brushing teeth, Janie goes to bed, Philip works on something from the “honey do” list on the fridge while I close up the kitchen for the night, Walt gets his bottle, and Walt goes to bed. By the time we have the kids’ bedtime routine done, we have an hour together before we go to bed so that we can function the next day.
We’ve been lazy about our time together lately. It’s a lot easier to watch a favorite t.v. show on the couch rather than do something that will actually enrich our marriage. Cuddling together and relaxing is, of course, a great thing. However, if it’s the only solo time you have together and you’re spending it staring at a t.v., it probably isn’t a good thing. We always make an effort to have good conversation throughout the evening, but it’s not always a possibility with the interruptions that happen with the kiddos. Additionally, both of us have evening commitments at least two days of the week, so this time has become even more limited and, therefore, even more precious.
We decided that we need to do something proactive to strengthen our marriage and our time together. The natural conclusion is that we need more date nights to reconnect. We’re not in a financial position to be able to go out each week and get a babysitter, so we came up with the next best thing: a scheduled weekly date night at home.
We have declared that Thursday night is our new date night. We haven’t worked out all of the details yet, but we’re glad to have this special night to look forward to each week. I came up with some things I can see us doing on date night:
- picnic in the living room
- get really dressed up for each other (wear real clothes that have zippers or buttons instead of sweats and a t-shirt AND wear full makeup!)
- make a fancy cocktail we’ve never had before
- dinner for two by candelight in the dining room
- make a playlist, turn the living room into a dance hall, and see if we remember anything from our dance lessons
- make a family “time capsule”
- bake a really indulgent dessert
- create a video diary for our kids
- plan a future trip (even if it’s only imaginary until we can afford it!)
- watch a fun movie on Netflix and theme the evening around it (the meal, drinks, dessert, what you wear, etc.)
- design our dream home
- play a board game and put a bet on it
- take the night off from cooking and get our favorite takeout
- bust out the Wii and become hardcore gamers for the night
Do you do something like this with your spouse? What fun things have you done? Do you have anything you’d add to this list?
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| Lovebirds During Our Dating Days of College |
I can’t wait to date my husband each week!
![What’s this blog about?]()
by Catherine | Nov 8, 2011 | Everything Else, Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
First, why in the world did I call the blog “Hallelujah Is My Song”? This is a reference to Blessed Pope John Paul II’s quote:
“Do not abandon yourselves to despair.
We are the Easter people, and hallelujah is our song.”
Blessed Pope John Paul II was an important presence in my relationship with my husband from the first days. (I’ll write a future blog post about his impact on our early relationship.) I chose this quote because, well, it’s easy to forget the joy we should have in the Resurrection despite any suffering we might experience now. It’s my Catholic version of “Don’t worry. Be happy!”
This is a blog dedicated to documenting the everyday occurrences in our “domestic church” with our daughter, Janie (20 months), our son, Walt (5 months), and our dog, Monty (2 years). I used to teach high school Spanish. Now, I’m a stay-at-home mother to our two beautiful children. My husband, Philip, is a pediatric resident.
Here’s our latest family pic from Halloween.
I love how both of the babies (Walt the monkey and Jane aka Elmo) are giggling.
In addition to writing about our family and what we’re up to, I will post about my interests which include: anything and everything related to Catholicism, cooking, home organizing, education, crafts, reading, and keeping up with current events. I’m sure I’ll come up with more as time goes on! If I’m organized enough, maybe I’ll figure out a way to categorize my posts.
I hope to use this blog as a creative outlet and an opportunity to network with other people who are passionate about the same things I am. Here’s to hoping that I can stay dedicated to this blog and not let it fall by the wayside. Third time’s a charm, right?
Better go! Jane’s emptying the pantry and just ran off with the vanilla extract bottle! Stay tuned for more…
![What's this blog about?]()
by Catherine | Nov 8, 2011 | Everything Else, Faith, Family, Marriage, The Homefront
First, why in the world did I call the blog “Hallelujah Is My Song”? This is a reference to Blessed Pope John Paul II’s quote:
“Do not abandon yourselves to despair.
We are the Easter people, and hallelujah is our song.”
Blessed Pope John Paul II was an important presence in my relationship with my husband from the first days. (I’ll write a future blog post about his impact on our early relationship.) I chose this quote because, well, it’s easy to forget the joy we should have in the Resurrection despite any suffering we might experience now. It’s my Catholic version of “Don’t worry. Be happy!”
This is a blog dedicated to documenting the everyday occurrences in our “domestic church” with our daughter, Janie (20 months), our son, Walt (5 months), and our dog, Monty (2 years). I used to teach high school Spanish. Now, I’m a stay-at-home mother to our two beautiful children. My husband, Philip, is a pediatric resident.
Here’s our latest family pic from Halloween.
I love how both of the babies (Walt the monkey and Jane aka Elmo) are giggling.
In addition to writing about our family and what we’re up to, I will post about my interests which include: anything and everything related to Catholicism, cooking, home organizing, education, crafts, reading, and keeping up with current events. I’m sure I’ll come up with more as time goes on! If I’m organized enough, maybe I’ll figure out a way to categorize my posts.
I hope to use this blog as a creative outlet and an opportunity to network with other people who are passionate about the same things I am. Here’s to hoping that I can stay dedicated to this blog and not let it fall by the wayside. Third time’s a charm, right?
Better go! Jane’s emptying the pantry and just ran off with the vanilla extract bottle! Stay tuned for more…
