![Small Success Thursday #3]()
by Catherine | Jan 16, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
Here are a few of our “Small Successes” from this week:
I finally got around to making Jane and Walt’s tie blankets. We had bought the fleece on sale before Christmas, and then the chaos of the season delayed the project until this week. Jane has a Disney Princess blanket, and Walt’s is (what else?) Thomas. The kids love that they got to pick out the materials and can sleep with them at night.
Pseudo-homeschooling is still going well. I finished the “circle time” bulletin board calendar. (More on that another time) I love having the kids do “tray time.” I set them up with a project while I’m busy doing something that needs to get done around here. Here’s Walt coloring alphabet pages with dot markers.
 |
| You know he’s concentrating when he does that thing with his lips. His dad does it, too! |
Here’s Jane stringing cut up straws on a ribbon.
 |
| Excuse the post-nap bed head for both of them. |
Here’s Jane matching the lowercase letter to the uppercase letter with clothespins.
Tray time helps me to be successful at making our family dinner when Philip is working long hours. What is it about 4-6 p.m. that makes the little guys so unruly?
We had this fantastic stew for dinner last night.
It’s called Slow Cooker Stout and Chicken Stew. I’ve never cooked with a stout before. It kind of made me want to revisit high school chemistry because it was fun watching the stout caramelize on the stovetop…then, I remembered how much I despised lab write-ups. I get a ridiculous sense of accomplishment when dinner is ready to go before noon! Gotta love crockpots! I think I might need a bigger one for recipes like this, though…
 |
| It was a liiiiiiiiiiiiiittle snug |
Jane tried to evangelize the window guy. She was carrying around a cross that I received for teaching religious education a few years ago. The cross doesn’t have the Corpus (Jesus’ Body) on it. For little Catholic Jane, this is a strange thing. She said to the window guy, “LOOK! Jesus is MISSING! Do you think He escaped when the bad guys were sleeping?!” (Jane refers to the Roman soldiers as “the bad guys.”) The window guy loved it!
I decided to abandon housework yesterday afternoon while Jane and Walt napped. It was Harry’s idea! I was able to finish an entire book while snuggling him and sipping my coffee.
Crème Brulée creamer? Yes, please! How do you like my iPad cover? It was a Christmas gift from my boyfriend.
Jane and Walt got their haircuts the other night. Mr. Walt has never liked getting his haircut. He usually sits in Philip’s lap while Philip tries to restrain him and the stylist does her best to get the job done. To our surprise, Walt decided he was ready to sit by himself and happily allowed the stylist to do her thing without making a fuss. (Nevermind that Philip had an episode of Thomas on his phone playing the whole time… Baby steps!)
I *FINALLY* finished the magnetic schedule for the fridge. I’ll write a more thorough post about it another time. Walt helped me set it up while Jane was at preschool this morning.
When Jane came home, she said, “Now, I know everything about my schedule! This is AWESOME!”
Things got a little crowded on there, so I’m separating the day’s activities by the part of day (wake up-lunch, lunch-snack time after naps, snack time-bedtime). The kids LOVE being able to follow along with our day. I’m going to get some cute, colorful magnets that the kids can move themselves as we move from one activity to the next. I love that I’ll be able to remove it easily when we start having showings next month.
I had this brilliant idea this morning when I was working on the menu/grocery list, and I had to share it because it will be such a big help! (At least I thought it was brilliant!) We like to buy our chicken and beef in bulk. It’s great for our wallet, but it stinks when I forget to pull it out of the deep freeze in time to thaw for dinner. I *FINALLY* realized I could set a reminder for myself using my iPhone. When I was done making the menu, I asked the male Siri guy (whatever his name is) to “remind me to thaw 2 pounds of chicken breasts on Tuesday at 8 a.m.” and “remind me to thaw 1 pound of ground beef on Thursday at 8 a.m.” This is going to help so much!
I published my first post on my series about postpartum depression yesterday. What a response! I am so encouraged and uplifted by the outpouring of messages, e-mails, texts, and phone calls I have received. Thank you for your kind words, prayers, and continued support!
Your turn! What are your small successes from this week? Come on over to CatholicMom to share and join in the fun. If you’re using social media, use the hashtag #SmallSuccess.
![Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club]()
by Catherine | Jan 3, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
I can’t believe I haven’t written about this yet!
I am oh so very blessed to be a godmother to three precious children. One of my godchildren is my niece, Meghan.
 |
| Jane & Meg, looking all fancy on Christmas Eve. Meg is such a great big cousin to the little guys. |
This fall, Meghan and I were chatting about our favorite books. We talked about how much we like reading and how we are always starting new books. Then, the idea hit me. I asked Meg if she would be interested in reading the same book and talking about it over smoothies or a treat during her Christmas vacation. I said it would be our own Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club.
Meg excitedly agreed, and we decided on Anne of Green Gables. Meg had read Anne a few months prior, and she said she wanted to re-read it because she liked it so much. I, on the other hand, hadn’t read it since fourth grade, and I was excited to read it again. I never would have imagined when I read Anne for the first time that the second time I’d be reading it would be on an iPad–and for a Book Club with my goddaughter!
Eventually, Christmas break rolled around, and we set our date for our first Book Club. When I picked Meg up, she was soooooooo adorably nervous and excited. She had a drawstring bag with her and looked raring to go. I didn’t want to make her nervous, so I didn’t ask what was inside. We said goodbye to my nephews, brother, and sister-in-law, and made our way to a local cupcake café for our Book Club date.
Unfortunately, I went to pay for our delicious treats, I realized that I had left my wallet in the diaper bag when I put together my purse. Oh, the woes of a young mother! I apologized to Meg, and we made the trip back to my house to pick up my wallet. I ended up being glad for this happy accident because the car ride was a nice opportunity for Meg to warm up.
I suggested that Meg open her card and present for her birthday (which is December 28th). I wanted to make sure we had a celebration apart from Christmas. The card had a cute multiple choice quiz (you know, like all of the teeny bopper magazines). Meg read all of the questions, we shared our answers, and we laughed about why we chose them. Then, Meg opened her present. I gave her the DVD of Little Women (the 1994 one with Susan Sarandon & Winona Ryder). I was tickled pink that she looked genuinely excited about it. She had told me that read had read it, but she hadn’t seen the movie. Yay!
Eventually, we made it back to the cupcake café, reordered our treats, and made our way to a table. We both had raspberry chocolate cupcakes. Meg had a chocolate, and I had a caramel latté. (Doesn’t Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club already sound awesome?!)
I am so glad we had to car ride to warm up our conversation, because Meg adorably jumped right in to Book Club chat. She pulled out her drawstring bag. Inside, she had a folder and a paperback copy of Anne. The folder contained a few pages of paper that Meg had written discussion questions on–in purple marker. *Sigh* The cuteness was killing me.
“So,” Meg asked, “which character did you like the most?” Isn’t she good? The former teacher in me was so proud! Meg definitely knew the ins and outs of the book, and she was anxious to share her thoughts about the story. We applied the story to our own lives. We talked about bullies. We asked each other if we had ever been in similar situations. We asked each other what we would have done about some scenes. The whole thing was so much fun, and I loved hearing Meg’s interpretation of the story from her sweet, innocent view.
One of my favorite parts of our discussion was when we got to the scene in the story where Anne inadvertently gets her friend Diana drunk. Anne served Diana currant wine that she thought was raspberry cordial. Meg said, “When I read that part, I told my mom that I thought this book was inappropriate!” *Sigh* I know, isn’t she the greatest?
Two hours after I had picked her up, we decided that we should get going, but not before taking a picture capturing our fun day.
 |
| I love that she’s holding up her copy of the book. I didn’t even notice that until I saw the picture. |
On our way back to Meg’s house, we decided that our first Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting was such a success that we needed to have a second. Since I had given Meg the Little Women DVD, she decided she wanted
to reread the book. We are having our second Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting around Easter, and I can’t wait!
What fun traditions do you have with your godchildren? Do you have special outings or keep in touch in a unique way?
![Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club]()
by Catherine | Jan 3, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
I can’t believe I haven’t written about this yet!
I am oh so very blessed to be a godmother to three precious children. One of my godchildren is my niece, Meghan.
|
| Jane & Meg, looking all fancy on Christmas Eve. Meg is such a great big cousin to the little guys. |
This fall, Meghan and I were chatting about our favorite books. We talked about how much we like reading and how we are always starting new books. Then, the idea hit me. I asked Meg if she would be interested in reading the same book and talking about it over smoothies or a treat during her Christmas vacation. I said it would be our own Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club.
Meg excitedly agreed, and we decided on Anne of Green Gables. Meg had read Anne a few months prior, and she said she wanted to re-read it because she liked it so much. I, on the other hand, hadn’t read it since fourth grade, and I was excited to read it again. I never would have imagined when I read Anne for the first time that the second time I’d be reading it would be on an iPad–and for a Book Club with my goddaughter!
Eventually, Christmas break rolled around, and we set our date for our first Book Club. When I picked Meg up, she was soooooooo adorably nervous and excited. She had a drawstring bag with her and looked raring to go. I didn’t want to make her nervous, so I didn’t ask what was inside. We said goodbye to my nephews, brother, and sister-in-law, and made our way to a local cupcake café for our Book Club date.
Unfortunately, I went to pay for our delicious treats, I realized that I had left my wallet in the diaper bag when I put together my purse. Oh, the woes of a young mother! I apologized to Meg, and we made the trip back to my house to pick up my wallet. I ended up being glad for this happy accident because the car ride was a nice opportunity for Meg to warm up.
I suggested that Meg open her card and present for her birthday (which is December 28th). I wanted to make sure we had a celebration apart from Christmas. The card had a cute multiple choice quiz (you know, like all of the teeny bopper magazines). Meg read all of the questions, we shared our answers, and we laughed about why we chose them. Then, Meg opened her present. I gave her the DVD of Little Women (the 1994 one with Susan Sarandon & Winona Ryder). I was tickled pink that she looked genuinely excited about it. She had told me that read had read it, but she hadn’t seen the movie. Yay!
Eventually, we made it back to the cupcake café, reordered our treats, and made our way to a table. We both had raspberry chocolate cupcakes. Meg had a chocolate, and I had a caramel latté. (Doesn’t Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club already sound awesome?!)
I am so glad we had to car ride to warm up our conversation, because Meg adorably jumped right in to Book Club chat. She pulled out her drawstring bag. Inside, she had a folder and a paperback copy of Anne. The folder contained a few pages of paper that Meg had written discussion questions on–in purple marker. *Sigh* The cuteness was killing me.
“So,” Meg asked, “which character did you like the most?” Isn’t she good? The former teacher in me was so proud! Meg definitely knew the ins and outs of the book, and she was anxious to share her thoughts about the story. We applied the story to our own lives. We talked about bullies. We asked each other if we had ever been in similar situations. We asked each other what we would have done about some scenes. The whole thing was so much fun, and I loved hearing Meg’s interpretation of the story from her sweet, innocent view.
One of my favorite parts of our discussion was when we got to the scene in the story where Anne inadvertently gets her friend Diana drunk. Anne served Diana currant wine that she thought was raspberry cordial. Meg said, “When I read that part, I told my mom that I thought this book was inappropriate!” *Sigh* I know, isn’t she the greatest?
Two hours after I had picked her up, we decided that we should get going, but not before taking a picture capturing our fun day.
|
| I love that she’s holding up her copy of the book. I didn’t even notice that until I saw the picture. |
On our way back to Meg’s house, we decided that our first Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting was such a success that we needed to have a second. Since I had given Meg the Little Women DVD, she decided she wanted to reread the book. We are having our second Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting around Easter, and I can’t wait!
What fun traditions do you have with your godchildren? Do you have special outings or keep in touch in a unique way?
![Ramblings As The Kids' Naptime Winds Down]()
by Catherine | Jan 1, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
Talented writers and grammarians of the world, please forgive me for this post. I know I’m nearing the end of the children’s nap time, and I just had to get this post out. It won’t be pretty, and it probably won’t sound right, but it’ll get the job done.
I can’t write another word until I mention how stinkin’ proud I am of Amanda for sharing her story in our series on infertility. If you missed it, please check it out. I love you, Amanda! My blog was more popular than ever with your beautiful presence (averaging about 500 hits per day), so I think you should come back more often! Ha! Really, though, thank you for being such a treasure. Love you!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I just adore celebrating the New Year. I love fresh starts of any kind. Ever since I started staying home with Jane, I even started liking Monday mornings.
As part of my fresh start for the year, I am buying my own brand spanking new domain name for the blog. Hallelujah is My Song has been a great home for a few years (have I already been blogging that long?!), but it’s time to move on to my own domain. I will probably launch within the next few weeks. Until then, I am busy transferring my content and trying to make it look pretty. Any of you enjoy doing that kind of thing? Wanna help a girl out? Let me know! You will be famous for designing the Catherine Boucher’s personal blog! 😉
Aside from launching the new and improved blog, I am busy creating a schedule for myself and the kiddos. I recently re-discovered Nanny 911 of Netflix. It’s funny watching shows at different points in your life. When I watched the show in college, I used to think, “Idiots. These parents have no idea what they’re doing! If I were this brat’s mom, I’d ________…” Then, we had kids. When I watched an episode last week, I thought things like, “Aw, that poor mom. I just want to give her a hug. Ooooooo, Nanny, great idea! I should TOTALLY be doing that!”
This is my long way of saying that Nanny suggests creating a master schedule for the home. This way, stay-at-home parents don’t look at a full day with little children and get overwhelmed with all of the time on their hands. While the kids and I have had a relatively structured home life, I look forward to having dedicated time to specific activities. I’m still working out a few kinks and deciding exactly which activities to add/scratch, but it’s been great! The kids and I are THRIVING with our new schedule! I’ll share the specifics in a future post.
I’m pseudo-homeschooling the kids throughout the day. That’s my way of saying we have more structure around these parts and some real deal learning happening. My favorite addition to our schedule is “Circle Time” in the morning. The kids and I sit on a blanket in the family room. We start with our Morning Offering, then we have calendar time (talk about the year, month, day of the week, review yesterday/today/tomorrow, etc.), virtue of the week (I’m really liking PATIENCE!), morning stretches to get our wiggles out, etc. We switch activities every 15-30 minutes. The kids love it, and so do I.
OK, the last thing. The really big thing. The thing that’s been taking over for about the last two months. I need your prayers. I’ve been battling Post-Partum Depression. Philip very lovingly helped me to realize it, and I’ve found help in a fabulous local Catholic medical apostolate. It’s still a day-to-day journey, but overall, I’m doing much better. The combination of my treatments (progesterone therapy), reaching out to family & friends, and our new schedule at home are all helping tremendously. I would adore any and all prayers you can offer up for us–especially for Philip, who has been my knight in shining armor by my side. I plan to write more about all of that, but I wanted to be sure and ask for your prayers right now. Please and thank you, prayer warriors.
St. Joseph, patron saint for our family in 2014, pray for us!
![Ramblings As The Kids’ Naptime Winds Down]()
by Catherine | Jan 1, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
Talented writers and grammarians of the world, please forgive me for this post. I know I’m nearing the end of the children’s nap time, and I just had to get this post out. It won’t be pretty, and it probably won’t sound right, but it’ll get the job done.
I can’t write another word until I mention how stinkin’ proud I am of Amanda for sharing her story in our series on infertility. If you missed it, please check it out. I love you, Amanda! My blog was more popular than ever with your beautiful presence (averaging about 500 hits per day), so I think you should come back more often! Ha! Really, though, thank you for being such a treasure. Love you!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I just adore celebrating the New Year. I love fresh starts of any kind. Ever since I started staying home with Jane, I even started liking Monday mornings.
As part of my fresh start for the year, I am buying my own brand spanking new domain name for the blog. Hallelujah is My Song has been a great home for a few years (have I already been blogging that long?!), but it’s time to move on to my own domain. I will probably launch within the next few weeks. Until then, I am busy transferring my content and trying to make it look pretty. Any of you enjoy doing that kind of thing? Wanna help a girl out? Let me know! You will be famous for designing the Catherine Boucher’s personal blog! 😉
Aside from launching the new and improved blog, I am busy creating a schedule for myself and the kiddos. I recently re-discovered Nanny 911 of Netflix. It’s funny watching shows at different points in your life. When I watched the show in college, I used to think, “Idiots. These parents have no idea what they’re doing! If I were this brat’s mom, I’d ________…” Then, we had kids. When I watched an episode last week, I thought things like, “Aw, that poor mom. I just want to give her a hug. Ooooooo, Nanny, great idea! I should TOTALLY be doing that!”
This is my long way of saying that Nanny suggests creating a master schedule for the home. This way, stay-at-home parents don’t look at a full day with little children and get overwhelmed with all of the time on their hands. While the kids and I have had a relatively structured home life, I look forward to having dedicated time to specific activities. I’m still working out a few kinks and deciding exactly which activities to add/scratch, but it’s been great! The kids and I are THRIVING with our new schedule! I’ll share the specifics in a future post.
I’m pseudo-homeschooling the kids throughout the day. That’s my way of saying we have more structure around these parts and some real deal learning happening. My favorite addition to our schedule is “Circle Time” in the morning. The kids and I sit on a blanket in the family room. We start with our Morning Offering, then we have calendar time (talk about the year, month, day of the week, review yesterday/today/tomorrow, etc.), virtue of the week (I’m really liking PATIENCE!), morning stretches to get our wiggles out, etc. We switch activities every 15-30 minutes. The kids love it, and so do I.
OK, the last thing. The really big thing. The thing that’s been taking over for about the last two months. I need your prayers. I’ve been battling Post-Partum Depression. Philip very lovingly helped me to realize it, and I’ve found help in a fabulous local Catholic medical apostolate. It’s still a day-to-day journey, but overall, I’m doing much better. The combination of my treatments (progesterone therapy), reaching out to family & friends, and our new schedule at home are all helping tremendously. I would adore any and all prayers you can offer up for us–especially for Philip, who has been my knight in shining armor by my side. I plan to write more about all of that, but I wanted to be sure and ask for your prayers right now. Please and thank you, prayer warriors.
St. Joseph, patron saint for our family in 2014, pray for us!
![The Cross of Infertility With Amanda Teixeira (Part 4 of 4)]()
by Catherine | Dec 30, 2013 | Everything Else, Faith, Marriage
If you’re just stumbling upon this series, please do yourself a favor, and read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. In Part 1, I introduced the series, and my dear friend, Amanda Teixeira, stole the show with her captivating love story with her husband, Jonathan. In Part 2, Amanda helped us to understand what infertility feels like. In Part 3, Amanda shared what NOT to do or say when a loved one is facing infertility.
In Part 4, Amanda gives us ideas how TO support a loved one facing infertility. We also discussed how faith plays in to all of this, how Amanda and Jonathan support one another, the best ways for friends with children to support them, resources for couples facing infertility, and Amanda’s closing thoughts.
Just like in Parts 1-3, my questions appear in red italics, and Amanda’s responses appear in regular type.
* * *
Part 4 of The Cross of Infertility
How TO Support a Loved One Facing Infertility
What are some of the most helpful and healing things others have said or done? What made these gestures so moving?
1. Praying for and with us.
We know many people have actually prayed novenas with and for us. Others have offered Masses and told us. Still others have included us on their pilgrimages to holy sites or brought us blessed religious articles from different places across the world. These are really comforting to us. These gestures make us feel like we aren’t alone. Others are physically helping us carry the cross in these actions.
2. Inviting us over and opening their lives to us.
Several other couples who struggle with infertility have taken us under their wings. I always walk away from those convos refreshed and ready to keep carrying the cross.
Even fertile couples inviting us over to actually join them in their lives is incredibly healing for us. We get to be around a family and the realities of what it’s like to have kids around. This never makes us jealous or sad. We just enjoy feeling welcomed into the life of others’ families and it helps Jonathan and I feel more like a family even if it’s just us two. It also gives us hope of what might be in store for us someday.
3. Asking us how they can help
.
This really takes boldness, and I really appreciate it when a friend asks this. Infertility is like being on the cross with Jesus. I am totally linked to him. I am well aware that we are asking a LOT of our friends and family to be near us in the struggle. It’s like when Jesus was on the cross – only Mary, John, and a few women stood nearby. It took tremendous amounts of courage to stay by Jesus on the cross and in turn, it takes a lot of courage to ask people to stand with us while we hang on the cross. Most people won’t have the emotional ability to stay with us, and I know that. But those willing to try and stick near us…I treasure with all my heart because they are far and few between.
4. Sending us notes/gifts/gift cards to go have fun with.
We’ve had people send us groupons or gift cards to go out to eat or to grab coffee. Yes, we’re busy with work and some outside of work activities but yea, we have time on our hands. Time I all too often resent. When family/friends intentionally step in the gap and try to help me enjoy the time, I am thankful.
Once, I even got flowers with an encouraging message on a day I had some particularly difficult blood tests that a friend knew about. I can’t tell you how loved I felt in that moment.
5. Asking us how we are doing.
There is a difference between really asking this and just being nosy. Everyone knows the difference. The sincere asks are refreshing to me. If I don’t feel like answering, I will let you know. More often than not, I am carrying this burden alone with Jonathan and just praying someone will ask me how I am really doing. It’s healthy for me to vent from time to time and open up to people who really care about me. I appreciate sincere people wanting to know how I am doing, especially because I feel awkward bringing this topic up because I don’t want to burden others.
One of the questions pregnant gals get ALL THE TIME is “how are you feeling?” I’ve never been pregnant, but in FOCUS I am surrounded by pregnant women EVERYWHERE, and so I hear it a lot. For the infertile girl, this question is hard and awkward and most people don’t ask because they simply can’t handle the suffering that will definitely come forth…which is why I am grateful for mature friends and family who willingly walk right into the hurt with me and open a door for me to share my heart.
Being faithful Catholics, how does God play a role in all of this for you and Jonathan? Do you distinguish between God’s ordained will and His permissive will in regards to your fertility?
This has been one of the hardest questions for us to struggle with honestly.
Questions that bounce through my mind: “Why would God, the author of all life, put a baby in the womb of a woman who will surely go abort it?” or “Why would God put a baby in the womb of a woman whose family will abuse the child?” or even, “Since God hasn’t blessed us with life, does that mean he doesn’t want us to be parents or we would be bad parents?”
There are no answers when I throw these questions at God. Usually only silence. All I do know is that he doesn’t want any child aborted or abused, and he doesn’t want me to suffer and feel like he hates me. But that is all I know. My life is surrounded with dozens of unanswered questions, as many peoples lives are with a variety of sufferings they endure.
What are the best ways that you support Jonathan? What are the best ways that he supports you?
Best way to support Jonathan? To be attentive to spending time with him and verbally tell him how happy I am to be married to him/value him in my life. I mentioned previously that he sometimes fears I hate my life married to him without babies…so I have to reassure him of my affections despite my sadness.
Best ways he can support me? Taking me on adventures and helping me put my dreams into a reality. For example: I have been wanting to run a half-marathon lately. Jonathan is helping research races across the country in fun places like California or Florida so we can train together and have something to look forward to.
What are the best moves for friends with children to do?
Keep me in their lives. I think people with children are afraid to talk to me about their children in fear I will have a meltdown. If someone is bragging about their kids to me, yea, I will get annoyed, but so would anyone.
If a friend with children is simply sharing a hilarious story or wants to talk (without complaining) about how tough it is to be attentive to their older children while they battle sleepless nights with a newborn, I am all ears. That’s their reality, and I want to be a part of it, not shut out. I have the emotional maturity to be a good friend even if I am not blessed with kiddos myself.
Now, there may be seasons when I simply keep my own distance, and don’t think I hate you or anything. I am likely just grieving the most recent bad news (failed treatment, return of an infection, another negative pregnancy test, got 15 pregnancy announcements from other FOCUS women, etc.). I’ll be back. I just might not be able to accept your invitation to come over or attend that Baby Shower you are hosting for a friend.
What resources are available for couples facing infertility? What encouragement and support would you offer them?
3. Books.
4. Counseling.
5. Prayer, Spiritual Direction, and Confession.
I can’t stress this foundation enough. With infertility, daily prayer is vital to warding off despair. Spiritual direction will also keep you sane. And confession…it will be necessary use this Sacrament to dispel lies from the Devil you slip into believing.
OTHER THOUGHTS
I thought ending the series with something positive and uplifting would be best, since I feel like much of what I have to say is sad, confused, and bitter at times – which isn’t the whole of it. So I made up a question or you could weave what I have to say into the ending of the last blog post.
How have you grown in your relationship with God during this time?
Sometimes I feel like I haven’t. There are days I feel I am backsliding in my faith at best..I’ve actually cussed God out a time or two in my weakest moments. Pretty bad, right?
But then I look back on my faith from years ago. It was strong, yes, but it hadn’t been tested. Now, with infertility, I feel as if I’ve been through the fiery furnace only to be sent right back through it again every time another cycle starts. Yep, there are days my faith is hanging on by a string. But most days, a sense of abandonment, surrender, wonder and awe, trust, perspective, humility, and wisdom come over me.
I feel 110% dependent on God alone…mostly because I literally can’t DO anything to take my cross away. I know how weak I am and I quit trusting myself a long time ago with this cross. It’s all Him now. My life finds its identity in God because He’s the only One who can’t let me down. Everything else is passing to me. I long for heaven. I don’t care about my plans because His are better even if they don’t feel better right now.
Sometimes I think God gave me the cross of infertility to force me into total surrender because I never would have gotten there any other way. That makes me grateful. I’ve always prayed that my life would be about Him and bringing Him glory. That my life would look like His. I really believe infertility is an answered prayer (rarely!!!! but I do sometimes) because I don’t know if I would have been linked to Jesus through any other means. I get to be with him on the cross…and so it’s only a matter of time until he brings the resurrection into my life. What a sweet day that will be indeed.
* * *
Amanda, thank you so much for opening your heart and spilling out everything–your pain, your longing, your hope, and the truth about everything in between. Thank you for helping all of us reading to better understand how to love you and anyone we know carrying the cross of infertility. I am so proud to call you my dear friend. I pray that this blog series will help the rest of us unburden you from carrying this cross alone. You are a treasure!
