![“Honey, do you think you might have post-partum depression?”]()
by Catherine | Jan 15, 2014 | Family, Marriage
It was a few days after my birthday (November 26th), and we were sitting on the couch at the end of an especially trying day. At least, I thought it was especially trying. Looking back, it was probably just an ordinary day. The way I was responding to each day was anything but ordinary, though. After watching me turn into a shell of myself for nearly a month, Philip finally had the courage to ask that night,
“Honey, do you think you might have post-partum depression?”
Instead of immediately jumping into defense mode or attacking him, I sat quietly. I probably sat silent for ten seconds before I said, “Honestly? I don’t know. You know more about it than I do. Pretend I’m a patient, and ask me the questions.”
“Okay, I’ll rattle off the symptoms, and you tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no.'”
“Okay.”
“Are you anxious?”
“Yes.”
“Tired?”
“Yes.”
“Have poor or increased appetite?”
“Yes.”
“Irritable?”
“Yes.”
“Is it easy to make you cry?”
“Yes.”
“Do you feel depressed?”
“Yes.”
“Honey, I think you have post-partum depression.”
I knew he was right. I was nursing Harry, and I started sobbing. I told Philip I thought he was right. We spent the next hour talking about what our next move would be. I said that going to just any doctor made me nervous. I’m not anti-medicine. Heck, I married a doctor! I just wanted to make sure I was going to see someone that would treat whatever underlying condition was going on rather than immediately place me on an anti-depressant.
Then, I had an idea. I remembered when we were learning about the Creighton Model at Pope Paul VI Institute during our engagement that they treated post-partum depression with hormone therapy. I knew I needed to have a yearly physical anyway, so I suggested that I could see someone at a local Catholic medical practice called Sancta Familia. I knew at least one of their nurse practitioners received her training through Pope Paul VI Institute and would first try working with my body to see if there was something happening with my hormones that was throwing me out of whack. Then, if the hormone therapy didn’t work, we could look into the possibility of a chemical imbalance and pursue antidepressant treatment. I just didn’t want antidepressants to be my first step in case it was something else. Using the Creighton Model in our marriage taught me what a significant impact our hormones place on our day-to-day living.
We talked about how life couldn’t continue as it had, but I still wasn’t sold that I had post-partum depression. Harry was 4 months old. I thought, “Doesn’t post-partum depression only happen during a short window after delivery? Maybe this is just straight-up depression.”
We talked more about how I was feeling and what my days were like. The other main reason I didn’t think it could be post-partum depression was that I wasn’t weepy. I assumed I had to be weepy, not wanting to have anything to do with my baby, and not wanting to get out of bed. That wasn’t me at all. If anything, I bonded with Harry much faster than I did with Jane and Walt. Since I didn’t nurse Jane or Walt more than a few weeks, breastfeeding helped to cement my bond with Harry quickly.
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| How could I be depressed? Look at that face! My life is so blessed! |
Instead of being weepy or wanting to stay in bed, my biggest symptom was extreme anger. Although I never feared that I would harm the kids or myself, I couldn’t believe how quickly I could go from 0-60. The tiniest things would set me off. I could be making lunch and hear Jane knock over a tower that Walt had built. I would lose it. I would clap my hands together, yell, and physically carry her to a timeout. I felt like I could punch a hole through the dry wall with all of the anger and frustration. I felt like I was watching myself raise the children. In those moments, I would hear myself yelling while I thought, “Why are you doing this? Why are you yelling at the children? You’re a monster!” I knew something was terribly wrong when Jane added to the end of our prayer before lunch, “God, please help Mommy not to be so angry. Amen.”
I wasn’t engaged with anything we were doing. It had to be more than new mom exhaustion. Even though it’s a wild job taking care of three kiddos three and under and being married to a pediatric resident, the day-to-day shouldn’t have been bringing me to where I was–the depths of despair. I woke up every morning and thought, “How am I going to do this? God, help me. Just help me to make it to the end of the day.” Harry is a fantastic sleeper, so lack of sleep couldn’t explain the extreme exhaustion I felt. I felt like I was drowning. I felt like no matter how much I did each day, it was never enough, and I never felt like what I did was good enough.
When it came to my relationship with Philip, I was sick of our routine of fighting at the end of each day. When Philip asked me if I thought I had post-partum depression, I realized why things had been so bad between us. I spent all of my energy trying to keep it all together for the kids during the day, and by the time he got home, I had nothing left to give. I interpreted every comment he made as a criticism. I nit-picked every helpful thing I saw him doing. When he asked me how my day was, I either responded with a laundry list of every thing that went wrong or a one word, “awful.” I resisted or brushed off his attempts to be affectionate. In turn, the combination of all of my behaviors made Philip cold and distant, always walking on eggshells to avoid a blowup. It became a vicious cycle, each of us mirroring the other’s behavior, continuing to fuel each other’s frustration.
Fortunately, Philip was brave enough to ask the tough question.
That night on the couch, I told Philip between sobs, “I hate who I am. I want to be me again. I’m sorry for being a bad wife. I’m sorry for being a bad mother. Let’s make the appointment tomorrow.”
Philip assured me that I was a great wife and mother and that he would do everything he could to help us get back to normal. After we hugged, I said, “I am so relieved. I didn’t want to admit that something was wrong because I was so afraid that this was just the new normal. I felt so guilty because our life is so blessed. We have a great marriage, this beautiful home, our beautiful children, our family, our health, but I still feel like none of it matters. Hearing you say that what’s been going on could be because of a medical condition is actually a relief. I am ready to get on with life and start enjoying it again.”
A few days later, I was pulling up to Sancta Familia to say, “I think I might have post-partum depression.”
* * *
I’ll pick up next time with my appointment at Sancta Familila. I’ll talk about my treatment plan, the ups and downs, and what things are looking like lately. In the meantime, all of your prayers and support are greatly appreciated.
![Small Success Thursday #2]()
by Catherine | Jan 9, 2014 | Family, The Homefront
Here are some of our small successes from this week:
Harry can finally stand in his exersaucer without a pillow underneath. Yay! He still needs a blanket stuffed behind him, but he loves having a new place to play. His favorite part is twirling himself around. I love the face he’s giving the leopard or whatever it is in this picture.
I think I found a solution to not having art on the walls in Jane & Walt’s room. I want to do something inexpensive that will display their art. I found this post on Pinterest, and I’m so excited to make these ourselves! They’re cabinet doors that you sponge roll in the center and add a metal clip to hold the art. Cute, huh?
I’ve been decluttering this place like a boss! We’re going to list the house in a little more than a month, so there’s plenty to do. Here’s our fridge before (with Christmas cards) and after.
I had a very successful 2-hour shopping outing by myself on Monday morning. My dear friend, Kelly, offered to take the kids for me, and I ran around this city like wild! Isn’t she the best? I know, it’s ridiculous how blessed I am in the friend department. I made stops at 4 different stores. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish when you’re alone! I was at Home Depot, The Dollar Tree, Garden Ridge, and Lakeshore Learning. What a morning!
I’m most excited to share that I finally got things printed off and laminated for the calendar center I’m creating for our pseudo-homeschooling area. I got a great bulletin board on clearance, and I’ve been adding items to make the calendar my own. I’ll write more on that another time. It’s still a work in progress. Here’s a little preview.
Harry’s been extra needy lately, so he’s been spending a lot of time in my Ergo carrier. I didn’t use it much when he was a newborn since I struggled to get him in and out by myself with the big infant insert. Now that he’s a little bigger and has better neck control, it’s a cinch to get him in and out by myself. He’s happy cuddled up right next to me, and I’m able to get things done around here hands-free. The extra cuddling is nice for both of us. I’m able to make & serve meals, fold laundry, wash & put away dishes, etc., etc. Yay, multi-tasking!
Other than that, we’re busy maintaining our new schedule around here, and the kids are loving it. They beg for “circle time” everyday, and they loved finally showing it to Philip last Saturday morning when he was home. Pseudo-homeschooling is fun, and our “classroom” area is coming together nicely. The former teacher in me loves getting to laminate on a regular basis!
Your turn! What are your small successes this week? Come on over to CatholicMom to share and join in the fun! If you’re using social media, use the hashtag #SmallSuccess.
![A New Year Challenge (especially for parents)]()
by Catherine | Jan 9, 2014 | Faith
I’m a little delayed in this announcement, but I wanted to be sure and pass along a fantastic resources for your daily Scripture study. If you follow the daily Mass readings, be sure to stop by CatholicMom for the Daily Gospel Reflections. If you’ve always wanted to but never have, what better time to start than at the beginning of a new year?!
Starting on January 1, a different CatholicMom contributor shares a reflection on that day’s Gospel reading. These are short, inspiring, and accessible reflections to help bring God’s Word to the center of your life.
I joined the Gospel Reflection Team, and my reflections will start being published the 12th of every month. I am very excited to have this extra nudge to engage on a deeper level with Sacred Scripture. Also, can I tell you how amazing it is to open up the Gospels and actually understand the context in which Jesus was living because of studying Jeff Cavins’ Bible Timeline?! SO AWESOME! (Note: I took this month “off” and asked another writer to take my reflection so that I could focus on getting the house ready to sell. My reflections start next month.)
To access the daily Mass readings, come here.
To access the CatholicMom Gospel reflections, come here.
My challenge to you (and myself):
I challenge you to read the readings for Mass on Sunday before Mass. I know this has been especially helpful for me as a mother of young children. It’s tempting to say that you “don’t get anything out of Mass” with little ones in tow, but, let’s get real–we’re getting Someone out of the Mass every time we receive Christ in the Eucharist. When we think about it like that, it’s downright embarrassing to think we’d even be tempted to say that we’re “not getting anything out of Mass.” Gulp.
If we can take the extra time to engage with the Liturgy of the Word before Mass, it will enrich our participation in the Liturgy of the Eucharist. We may not get to hear every single word being said, but allowing the Word to be on our hearts before we walk into the sanctuary is a powerful practice. We’ll be better prepared to connect the dots between the readings and Father’s homily. Philip and I are going to make it a point to discuss the readings and Father’s homily after Mass. Between the two of us, we should be able to get the whole message and learn from one another’s insights. As an added bonus, we’ll be better prepared to pass on the Faith to your children because of our extra engagement with God’s Word. Everyone wins!
If you’re already reading the Mass readings for Sundays, I challenge you to read at least one of the other day’s Scripture readings. Read them with the Catechism at your side (or find it online here), and begin to see how intrinsic God’s Word is to the Catholic Faith. Bonus points if you actually get to Mass on a day other than Sunday and hear the Word being proclaimed!
I hope you’ll enjoy the daily CatholicMom Gospel reflections and begin to deepen (or just begin!) your appreciation of God’s love letters to you. He won’t disappoint you for making the effort!
Question:
What do you and your other family members do to deepen your relationship with God’s Word? Please share!
![Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club]()
by Catherine | Jan 3, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
I can’t believe I haven’t written about this yet!
I am oh so very blessed to be a godmother to three precious children. One of my godchildren is my niece, Meghan.
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| Jane & Meg, looking all fancy on Christmas Eve. Meg is such a great big cousin to the little guys. |
This fall, Meghan and I were chatting about our favorite books. We talked about how much we like reading and how we are always starting new books. Then, the idea hit me. I asked Meg if she would be interested in reading the same book and talking about it over smoothies or a treat during her Christmas vacation. I said it would be our own Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club.
Meg excitedly agreed, and we decided on Anne of Green Gables. Meg had read Anne a few months prior, and she said she wanted to re-read it because she liked it so much. I, on the other hand, hadn’t read it since fourth grade, and I was excited to read it again. I never would have imagined when I read Anne for the first time that the second time I’d be reading it would be on an iPad–and for a Book Club with my goddaughter!
Eventually, Christmas break rolled around, and we set our date for our first Book Club. When I picked Meg up, she was soooooooo adorably nervous and excited. She had a drawstring bag with her and looked raring to go. I didn’t want to make her nervous, so I didn’t ask what was inside. We said goodbye to my nephews, brother, and sister-in-law, and made our way to a local cupcake café for our Book Club date.
Unfortunately, I went to pay for our delicious treats, I realized that I had left my wallet in the diaper bag when I put together my purse. Oh, the woes of a young mother! I apologized to Meg, and we made the trip back to my house to pick up my wallet. I ended up being glad for this happy accident because the car ride was a nice opportunity for Meg to warm up.
I suggested that Meg open her card and present for her birthday (which is December 28th). I wanted to make sure we had a celebration apart from Christmas. The card had a cute multiple choice quiz (you know, like all of the teeny bopper magazines). Meg read all of the questions, we shared our answers, and we laughed about why we chose them. Then, Meg opened her present. I gave her the DVD of Little Women (the 1994 one with Susan Sarandon & Winona Ryder). I was tickled pink that she looked genuinely excited about it. She had told me that read had read it, but she hadn’t seen the movie. Yay!
Eventually, we made it back to the cupcake café, reordered our treats, and made our way to a table. We both had raspberry chocolate cupcakes. Meg had a chocolate, and I had a caramel latté. (Doesn’t Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club already sound awesome?!)
I am so glad we had to car ride to warm up our conversation, because Meg adorably jumped right in to Book Club chat. She pulled out her drawstring bag. Inside, she had a folder and a paperback copy of Anne. The folder contained a few pages of paper that Meg had written discussion questions on–in purple marker. *Sigh* The cuteness was killing me.
“So,” Meg asked, “which character did you like the most?” Isn’t she good? The former teacher in me was so proud! Meg definitely knew the ins and outs of the book, and she was anxious to share her thoughts about the story. We applied the story to our own lives. We talked about bullies. We asked each other if we had ever been in similar situations. We asked each other what we would have done about some scenes. The whole thing was so much fun, and I loved hearing Meg’s interpretation of the story from her sweet, innocent view.
One of my favorite parts of our discussion was when we got to the scene in the story where Anne inadvertently gets her friend Diana drunk. Anne served Diana currant wine that she thought was raspberry cordial. Meg said, “When I read that part, I told my mom that I thought this book was inappropriate!” *Sigh* I know, isn’t she the greatest?
Two hours after I had picked her up, we decided that we should get going, but not before taking a picture capturing our fun day.
 |
| I love that she’s holding up her copy of the book. I didn’t even notice that until I saw the picture. |
On our way back to Meg’s house, we decided that our first Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting was such a success that we needed to have a second. Since I had given Meg the Little Women DVD, she decided she wanted
to reread the book. We are having our second Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting around Easter, and I can’t wait!
What fun traditions do you have with your godchildren? Do you have special outings or keep in touch in a unique way?
![Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club]()
by Catherine | Jan 3, 2014 | Everything Else, Family
I can’t believe I haven’t written about this yet!
I am oh so very blessed to be a godmother to three precious children. One of my godchildren is my niece, Meghan.
|
| Jane & Meg, looking all fancy on Christmas Eve. Meg is such a great big cousin to the little guys. |
This fall, Meghan and I were chatting about our favorite books. We talked about how much we like reading and how we are always starting new books. Then, the idea hit me. I asked Meg if she would be interested in reading the same book and talking about it over smoothies or a treat during her Christmas vacation. I said it would be our own Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club.
Meg excitedly agreed, and we decided on Anne of Green Gables. Meg had read Anne a few months prior, and she said she wanted to re-read it because she liked it so much. I, on the other hand, hadn’t read it since fourth grade, and I was excited to read it again. I never would have imagined when I read Anne for the first time that the second time I’d be reading it would be on an iPad–and for a Book Club with my goddaughter!
Eventually, Christmas break rolled around, and we set our date for our first Book Club. When I picked Meg up, she was soooooooo adorably nervous and excited. She had a drawstring bag with her and looked raring to go. I didn’t want to make her nervous, so I didn’t ask what was inside. We said goodbye to my nephews, brother, and sister-in-law, and made our way to a local cupcake café for our Book Club date.
Unfortunately, I went to pay for our delicious treats, I realized that I had left my wallet in the diaper bag when I put together my purse. Oh, the woes of a young mother! I apologized to Meg, and we made the trip back to my house to pick up my wallet. I ended up being glad for this happy accident because the car ride was a nice opportunity for Meg to warm up.
I suggested that Meg open her card and present for her birthday (which is December 28th). I wanted to make sure we had a celebration apart from Christmas. The card had a cute multiple choice quiz (you know, like all of the teeny bopper magazines). Meg read all of the questions, we shared our answers, and we laughed about why we chose them. Then, Meg opened her present. I gave her the DVD of Little Women (the 1994 one with Susan Sarandon & Winona Ryder). I was tickled pink that she looked genuinely excited about it. She had told me that read had read it, but she hadn’t seen the movie. Yay!
Eventually, we made it back to the cupcake café, reordered our treats, and made our way to a table. We both had raspberry chocolate cupcakes. Meg had a chocolate, and I had a caramel latté. (Doesn’t Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club already sound awesome?!)
I am so glad we had to car ride to warm up our conversation, because Meg adorably jumped right in to Book Club chat. She pulled out her drawstring bag. Inside, she had a folder and a paperback copy of Anne. The folder contained a few pages of paper that Meg had written discussion questions on–in purple marker. *Sigh* The cuteness was killing me.
“So,” Meg asked, “which character did you like the most?” Isn’t she good? The former teacher in me was so proud! Meg definitely knew the ins and outs of the book, and she was anxious to share her thoughts about the story. We applied the story to our own lives. We talked about bullies. We asked each other if we had ever been in similar situations. We asked each other what we would have done about some scenes. The whole thing was so much fun, and I loved hearing Meg’s interpretation of the story from her sweet, innocent view.
One of my favorite parts of our discussion was when we got to the scene in the story where Anne inadvertently gets her friend Diana drunk. Anne served Diana currant wine that she thought was raspberry cordial. Meg said, “When I read that part, I told my mom that I thought this book was inappropriate!” *Sigh* I know, isn’t she the greatest?
Two hours after I had picked her up, we decided that we should get going, but not before taking a picture capturing our fun day.
|
| I love that she’s holding up her copy of the book. I didn’t even notice that until I saw the picture. |
On our way back to Meg’s house, we decided that our first Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting was such a success that we needed to have a second. Since I had given Meg the Little Women DVD, she decided she wanted to reread the book. We are having our second Godmother & Goddaughter Book Club meeting around Easter, and I can’t wait!
What fun traditions do you have with your godchildren? Do you have special outings or keep in touch in a unique way?
