![The 4th “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Parent]()
by Catherine | Jan 28, 2015 | Family
In case you’ve missed the previous three posts in the series, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (based on Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life). Basically, a Rule of Life is an examination of your vocation and its essential duties so that you can put them into a proper schedule. After my introduction post in the series, I jumped into what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 P’s”:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ve already looked at Prayer,Person, and Partner. Today, we’re moving on to the 4th “P”: Parent.
Holly packs a whole bunch of wisdom into this chapter. My favorite passage was her own definition of parenting.
Parenting is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.
After I read that for the first time last year, I thought, “Wow, what a beautiful definition.”
Then I thought, “What responsibility!”
In the later part of the chapter, Holly has some great sections on discipline and developing a routine. Do yourself a favor, and read the whole chapter sometime. Today, I’d like to focus on the first part of the chapter because there is a key element Holly brings up that I think a lot of parenting books leave out: the parents themselves.
Working on Me
In a lot of parenting books, the focus seems to be on the kids–how to get them to eat, sleep, potty train, play, exercise, learn, and the list goes on and on. Very few focus on how the parents need to improve themselves as parents in order to model what their children ought to be doing. It sounds like a “duh” comment, but I think it’s so true. This chapter made me stop and realize, “Wow, I have all of these expectations for our children, but I don’t always hold myself to the same standards.”
When I looked at the 2nd “P”: Person, I came up with several things that I wanted to improve about myself. However, my list for Person didn’t include a lot of the things I need to work on in order to improve my role as Parent.
Specifically, Holly Pierlot says that we need to work on our own attitudes. She focuses on the areas of:
- uncomplaining cheerfulness
- having a willing spirit
- commitment to an ongoing conversion
- self-control
- prayer
- reliance on God
That list made me do a little soul searching.
- When I meet a task like a glass of spilled milk or a potty training accident, do I face it with uncomplaining cheerfulness?
- Do I have a willing spirit to help my daughter play with the play-doh or my son build his 1378th configuration of his train tracks?
- Am I allowing myself to plateau in the spiritual life, or am I continually learning and challenging myself to grow closer to God?
- Do I use self-control, especially in my thoughts, words, body language, or actions?
- Do I allow the busy-ness of life to get me off track with my personal prayer routine? Is prayer regularly punctuating my day? Am I using different kinds of prayers, or am I treating God like a vending machine in the sky that I talk to only when I want something?
- How has my day so far reflected my reliance on God? Would someone know that I am a Christian based on the way I go about my day? How?
Just as we are to be channels of grace for our spouses in marriage, we are to be channels of grace for our children.
Availability, Acceptance, and Help
Remember how St. Pope John Paul II defined love as “availability, acceptance, and help”? Holly Pierlot reflects that when she talks about the ways we can be available, accepting, and helpful for our children.
Availability
- Am I making eye contact?
- Do I get down on their level when we speak to each other?
- Am I spending more time looking at screens than into their eyes?
- Are we over scheduled? Am I over scheduled?
Acceptance
- Am I giving each child dedicated one-on-one time on a regular basis? (At our house, we call it “special time.”)
- Am I approaching parenting with a one size fits all approach, or am I trying to find our children’s unique strengths, weaknesses, talents, and interests? Am I accepting of each child’s uniqueness? Is my encouragement specific to them?
Help
- Am I doing what is best for our children?
- Do the kids have healthy limits?
- Are our days a good balance of work and play? (We like to call it “holy leisure”)
Questions for You:
- How would you describe your general day-to-day attitude toward parenting? Are you running on fumes?
- Revisit the list Holly Pierlot gives us for examining our attitude toward parenting.
- What area do you struggle the most with?
- Is there an area you’ve improved on? How? I’d love to hear how you’ve overcome a weakness in this area!
- How do you show your children that you are available, accepting, and helpful?
* * *
Next time I pick up the series, I’ll look at the last “P”: Provider. While a lot of it focuses on budget and financial stuff, much of the emphasis on our Provider role is an examination of where we are putting our trust and whether or not we are being good stewards of the gifts we have been given.
![Dinner Club for Underachievers – Inaugural Dinner Recap]()
by Catherine | Jan 27, 2015 | Uncategorized
If you don’t know what Dinner Club for Underachievers is all about, go back to this post where I introduce the concept.
The gist is this:
- As hosts, we provide the drinks, plates/napkins/utensils, and a few appetizers
- Everyone else is assigned an appetizer, side, entrée, or dessert
- Our kids are home with a sitter, but everyone else’s kids stay home to keep an adults only atmosphere (We fed our kids before the guests arrived, and they were happy to watch a movie on our bed with the sitter until bedtime. The sitter left after they went to sleep.)
- We have a dinner every other month
Philip and I hosted our inaugural Dinner Club for Underachievers dinner a few weeks ago, and it went smashingly!
The Logistics
Since we had 24 couples joining us (holy high RSVP rate!), I thought I would help smooth over everyone’s entrance by putting in some extra work for the first dinner.
First, I put this sign on the entry table:
Here’s the entry table in all its glory after the party:
I knew I’d probably be busy playing hostess and wouldn’t be able to greet everyone at the door (Note to self: Put a sign on the door next time that says, “Come on in!” for the next dinner), so I thought this would help direct traffic.
With so many guests, I thought it would be a nice hostess gesture to put out name tags. Everyone dutifully amused me. Guests were able to find their way around with the help of some signs I whipped up. For example, we hung this sign up above the doorway to the basement office.
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “You’re calling it an ‘Underachievers’ group, so what’s with the signs?” I knew I’d only have to make the signs once and re-use them for our future dinners, and they definitely helped everyone to find their way around.
After making their name tags and dropping off coats and purses, guests made their way to the kitchen where I had laid out laminated, tented signs in different spots on the counter that said:
- Appetizers
- Entrées
- Sides
- Desserts
That way, guests knew exactly where to put their contributions. Again, we were feeding 24 couples, so it helped everyone to know where to put things. I had put out all of my serving utensils on the kitchen counter for people to add to their dishes as needed.
I printed off all of the signs, laminated them, and kept them generic enough that we’ll be able to use them for future dinners. (They’re stowed away in my binder for next time.)
The Food
The theme was Mexican, and everyone definitely brought their “A”-game (even though I specifically said it was an UNDERachievers Dinner Club!).
If I were a real blogger (ha!), I would have snapped pictures of the all of the fare before we dug in. We had just the right amount of food. Having a spreadsheet with everyone’s RSVP status and food contribution helped. Even with a few last minute cancellations due to kids getting sick or life happening, we were in great shape.
Entrées
Sides
Desserts
Desserts Continued! Check out those adorable tres leches in their individual ramekins. I teased the girl who brought them that she’s fired from Dinner Club for UNDERachievers!
Drink
We don’t have a wet bar in our house. Instead of using our kitchen counter space, we thought we’d convert our pantry/laundry room into our cocktail and coffee bar! It actually worked really well. I probably should have taken pictures before guests arrived and the bar looked so empty and sad, but I was having too much fun!
Our pantry “bar.” Folding table for the cocktails and pop, area underneath for beer in coolers, recycling bin in back for bottles. Our washer and dryer served as a makeshift coffee bar.
Summer beer, sangria (extra fruit to spoon in), pop, water, ice
The beer – taken ten minutes before the last guests arrived
Coffee bar on top of the washer and dryer. Keurig, coffee pods in basket, creamers & horchata on ice, Kaluha ready for mixing nearby
Seating
We used the main floor and basement for our seating. We ended up borrowing a few card tables and folding chairs to get enough seats for everyone, and we ended up having room to spare. The only stressful part of the evening was when everyone had congregated in the kitchen at the beginning before we started eating. Philip kicked off the evening by getting on the step stool to get everyone’s attention. (He channeled his former summer camp cabin counselor.) He welcomed everyone, gave some instructions on where things were, led us in grace, and told everyone to dig in.)
I got a really crummy quality picture of people starting to eat the food. The appetizer table ended up becoming a bunch of sides since everyone was chatting so much that they forgot about them!
It’s tough to play hostess in a crowded kitchen at just 5’3″!
Basement seating: 2 banquet tables, 2 card tables, and furniture
Dining room and front living room with card table
The family room became the place for games. We had some seating in here for dinner, too.
The People
Few things make me happier than a house full of great people enjoying some great food and enjoying one another’s company
Philip and I even managed to get our picture taken
We had a great, great time! Aside from the initially congested kitchen, the whole evening was remarkably smooth for how large the party was. I learned a few ways to make things go even more smoothly next time, but I would say our inaugural Dinner Club for Underachievers dinner went great! Looking forward to the next one in March.
¡Olé!
![Put It To Work 12]()
by Catherine | Jan 26, 2015 | Faith
Another Monday means another opportunity to swap prayer intentions and start “putting them to work” for one another!
Here are my prayer intentions for the week:
- For my grandmother as she recovers from breaking her hip and continues to wage battle with Alzheimer’s. (Prayers of thanksgiving that she knew me by name when I came to visit. She hadn’t been able to do that for more than a year.)
- For a recommitment for all Catholic schools to keep Christ as the center of their mission as we celebrate Catholic Schools Week
- For a special intention
Your turn! What prayer intentions can I “put to work” for you this week? As always, I will add them to my prayer journal and pray for you by name throughout the week. I’ll bring them before Jesus tonight at my holy hour, too. Please share them in the comment box below, on the blog Facebook page, or send them to me via the “contact” form on the main menu bar. Thank you in advance for your prayers.
I hope you have a great week!
by Catherine | Jan 23, 2015 | Faith, Uncategorized
I thought I’d share a few of my favorite things I stumbled upon this week.
-1-
Our inaugural Dinner Club for Underachievers evening went splendidly! I’ll share more about our fun night another time.
Another Catholic blogger, Emily Stimpson, wrote this beautiful post called Pinterest Lies: The Secret to Successful Entertaining. Emily agrees that the success of a gathering with your favorite people is not determined by how Pinterest worthy it was. Hooray for underachieving and just going for it! My favorite part of her post was her willingness to share photos of the less than glamorous parts of her home (a grimy stove hood, a bowl catching a leak under a sink, etc.). If we wait until we have a perfect house to get together with friends, we’ll never see each other!
-2-
While I was watching EWTN’s coverage of the 2015 March for Life, they showed the full trailer of the upcoming movie The Drop Box. As the film website says,
The Drop Box tells the story of South Korean pastor Lee Jong-rak and his heroic efforts to embrace and protect the most vulnerable members of society. It is a heart-wrenching exploration of the physical, emotional and financial toll associated with providing refuge to orphans that would otherwise be abandoned on the streets. But The Drop Box movie is also a story of hope—a reminder that every human life is sacred and worthy of love.
South Korea is not the only country grappling with the issue of orphan care. Around the world, there are more than 150 million orphans waiting for forever families to call their own.
Watch the beautiful trailer. It’s well worth the 3:05.
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The Drop Box will be released in theaters starting March 3. To learn more about the stories behind the film, read the film’s blog.
-3-
Just in time for the March for Life, my dear friend Amanda Teixeira wrote this beautiful post for the FOCUS blog called, “Who are the real heroes of adoption?”
“We aren’t the heroes in adoption. We are simply a blessed couple who was entrusted with the most precious gift of all: a child. We didn’t do anything special or amazing other than stay open to God’s will for growing our family. We didn’t do anything superhuman.
Others did, though. I want to tell you about the people who get overlooked at times in our pro-life culture: the birth family, and in particular the birth mother.”
So awesome! Read the rest here.
-4-
Apparently I was inspired by a lot of March for Life related stuff this week. While I was doing dinner dishes, I listened to the 1/12/15 podcast of the Jennifer Fulwiler Show when she interviewed Eva Muntean, the co-founder of the West Coast Walk for Life and Ignatius Press marketing manager. Her story of escape from communism and appreciation of American freedom is remarkable! It is no wonder that she would go on to be a pro-life advocate for the weakest among us. Listen to the podcast for yourself.
-5-
Can we talk about how I nearly peed my pants when Jennifer Fulwiler shared this post with the latest details about The 2015 Edel Gathering?! Audrey Assad AND Jesus AND Haley Stewart are gonna be there?! It’s a Catholic girl’s dream come true!
-6-
I’m participating in a peg saint doll exchange, and I’m chomping at the bit to get started on painting my little St. Padre Pio! Do you have any of these peg saint dolls? I love how this blogger converted a shot glass display case into a fun way to display these little dolls. So cute!
-7-
Last week, we challenged our GodTeens to select a patron saint for 2015. Then, they were supposed to “introduce” the saint to the rest of us at the next meeting and explain why they picked him/her. Guess what??? Every teen that was at that meeting did their homework and put a lot of thought into it. Hearing their reasons for picking their patron was very inspiring.
If you’d like to find your own patron saint for 2015, it’s still January, so it’s not too late. If you’re stumped, maybe Jennifer Fulwiler’s Saint’s Name Generator can help you!
* * *
Head over to Kelly Mantoan’s blog This Ain’t The Lyceum for more 7QT posts!
![The 3rd “P” in Our Family’s Rule of Life: Partner]()
by Catherine | Jan 22, 2015 | Marriage
In case you’ve missed the previous three posts in the series, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (based on Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life). Basically, a Rule of Life is an examination of your vocation and its essential duties so that you can put them into a proper schedule. After my introduction post in the series, I jumped into what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 P’s”:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ve already looked at Prayer and Person. Today, we’re moving on to the 3rd “P”: Partner. This post is all about how Philip and I are working to further nurture and strengthen our marriage.
One of my favorite pictures from our wedding day is this one:
During our nuptial Mass, our pastor gave us a crucifix that he blessed while we held it in our hands. He instructed us to hang the crucifix in a prominent place in our home as a reminder that our marriage is to mirror Christ’s love for His Church. Marriage, after all, is one of the sacraments of service. As Holly Pierlot wrote in A Mother’s Rule of Life, “The sacrament of marriage is meant to enable us to fulfill a mission–in this instance, a mission of service and love toward our spouse.” I love that our wise pastor reminded us of this sacred mission entrusted to us in the sacrament of marriage. When we live marriage well, we are channels of grace for our spouses and help them on their way to heaven.
In order to make sure that we remain channels of grace for one another, we are working on keeping these things in mind:
- Attribute only good motives to one another’s actions
- When faced with problems, treat it as “you and me vs. the problem” instead of “me vs. you”
- Before jumping in, ask ourselves, “Am I seeking my spouse’s good, or am I just trying to interfere?”
- Distinguish between emotions and facts (Remember my resolve to respond instead of react?)
- Sincerely desire to hear each other’s needs
- When disagreements arise: defer to the spouse who is the “expert” in the area, ask for outside advice when needed, and commit to both of us owning the decision
- Remember St. Pope John Paul II’s definition of love as “availability, acceptance, and help”
Date Night Selfie
I had some fun making a list of ways that I can show Philip how much I love him. I thought of ways I could help him other than regular housework, how I can show him that he is appreciated, ways I can make his life easier, and little things I can do to keep the spark going. Here are a few of the things I came up with:
- Put his favorite meals on the menu
- Leave little love notes in his workout bag, iPad case, or car sun visor
- Pack his lunches (he usually makes his own)
- Bake a special treat or a loaf of bread to go with dinner
- Take care of me like I did when we were dating (exercise, hair, makeup, etc.)
- Be attentive in conversation (eye contact, follow-up questions, put down all devices)
- Give him a warm homecoming (big hug and smooch, pause what I’m doing to welcome him home)
- Pray for him throughout the day
- Give him words of affirmation (general (that he’s a great dad, husband, son, doctor, friend, etc.) and specific (that he did a great job on a particular task, that I appreciate a specific personality trait, that he is handsome, funny, witty, romantic, etc.)
- Checking in on a regular basis to find out how we can further improve our intimate life
- Relinquish control and defer to Philip more often
- Take a more active role in planning our date nights
What are we doing on a regular basis to nurture our relationship?
- Regular time together after the kids go to bed (I stop doing housework after I close up the kitchen and we put kids to bed. We schedule pockets of time to work on projects throughout the week, but we largely set aside our evenings to be together.)
- Early bedtime to keep both of us rested (In bed at 9:30, lights out at 10)
- Family meeting every Sunday night to keep our week on track
- Scheduling an at-home date night during the week every week (sometimes it’s as simple as a glass of wine and cuddling on the couch)
- Regular date nights out of the house at least once a month
- Reading books about marriage together for our “bedtime book club” (we spend time reading before bed and will discuss what we’re reading)
- Couple prayer time before bed (Lately, we’ve been reading a reflection by Mother Angelica on one mystery of the Rosary, and Philip will lead us in praying a decade of the Rosary. Then, we’ll close with some spontaneous prayer.)
- Sharing a weekly holy hour (We alternate who goes each week while the other one stays home with the kids.)
- Working on the different areas of intimacy we learned during our engagement NFP training using the acronym SPICE
- Spiritual
- Physical
- Intellectual
- Communicative/Creative
- Emotional
- Finding regular opportunities to enrich our marriage. (We’re attending a Marriage Encounter retreat next month.)
- Scheduling time for each of us to have breaks, exercise, get out with friends, or work on a hobby
* * *
I am thrilled to share a fantastic resource with you! Remember how I’m a podcast junkie and especially love anything with Fr. John Riccardo? Well, my friends, Fr. Riccardo just launched a 5-week program at his parish in which he looks at the Biblical vision of marriage and family. I listened to Week 1 this morning as I worked on my morning jobs, and it was fantastic. (The sound cuts out in a few places, but the content is so rich that it’s worth fast forwarding through the spotty parts of the broadcast.) I’m going to ask Philip to listen to them with me as a mini marriage study. Perhaps you and your husband can do the same!
When I resume the series on our Family’s Rule of Life, we’ll look at the 4th “P”: Parent.
Questions for you:
How do you take care of your marriage? Have you let your marriage take a backseat to your children’s needs or the general busy-ness of life?
Make a list of all of the ways you can show your spouse that you love him/her. Try to do at least one of those things this week.
