![“I am a writer.”]()
by Catherine | Jul 27, 2016 | Uncategorized
I’ve always loved writing. I suppose a lot of that is because I come from a long line of storytellers. It’s a fun quirk from our family that I never fully appreciated until I got married. I thought every family sat around, reminiscing and laughing about, “that time when…” I don’t know that our stories are all that unique compared to the rest of America, but we sure love telling them. Over. And over. And over again.
As far back as I can remember, I was a storyteller. When I was first learning to put sentences together, I inherited Grandma Connie’s electric typewriter. I. LOVED. THAT. THING. It was yellow and made a loud whhhhhhhiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr when I plugged it in. I loved the smell the rubber-tipped metal letters had. I would sit for hours on end at my bedroom desk, typing away.
I lived across the street from a pool for most of my childhood. (Okay, fine, it was a country club. Judge away!) Instead of swimming, I’d sit poolside with my Five-Star notebook and Pilot fine point pens, frantically scribbling my stories about tween unrequited love. I even submitted a few of my manuscripts to the tween magazines I had subscriptions to.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about all of this ever since I read Gretchen Rubin ask in The Happiness Project, “What did you do for fun when you were 10 years old?” She made the case that chances are whatever you did for fun as a 10-year-old would be something that you would enjoy today as an adult. For me, that would be writing. These days, my writing usually revolves around faith, parenting, marriage, cultural observations, books, and finding happiness in ordinary living.
Now that we’re out of survival mode with our new beautiful baby girl, I’m getting an itch to get back to writing. As a mama of 4 littles, I tend to write in spurts. I’ll find a rhythm for a few weeks or months, and then I’ll hang the blog back on the shelf until life gets a little less crazy. I started blogging in November 2011, but it’s never been a daily habit. I think I’ve always thought it was a bit selfish or indulgent for a young mom. After 6.5 years at this parenting stuff, I’m learning that taking the time for me isn’t selfish; it’s a necessity.
This time, I want to do things differently. This time, I’m challenging myself to sit down and write for at least 10 minutes a day every single day. Those ten minutes might not be enough to create a coherent blog post, but it will mean that I’m practicing my craft daily. Just as I’ve been allowing myself to accept my new identity as a runner for my self-prescribed #yearofme, I’m starting to accept what my identity has always been: I am a writer.
My goal is to publish 3 blog posts a week by writing at least 10 minutes everyday. I don’t know what my future as a writer entails. For now, in this crazy chapter of life with 4 littles, it’s enough for me to embrace that I am, in fact, a writer. At long last, I am going to allow myself to be a writer for at least 10 minutes every single day.
Questions for you:
What did you like to do when you were ten years old? What would that look like today? Are you allowing yourself to do that thing on a regular basis? Why or why not?
!["I am a writer."]()
by Catherine | Jul 27, 2016 | Uncategorized
I’ve always loved writing. I suppose a lot of that is because I come from a long line of storytellers. It’s a fun quirk from our family that I never fully appreciated until I got married. I thought every family sat around, reminiscing and laughing about, “that time when…” I don’t know that our stories are all that unique compared to the rest of America, but we sure love telling them. Over. And over. And over again.
As far back as I can remember, I was a storyteller. When I was first learning to put sentences together, I inherited Grandma Connie’s electric typewriter. I. LOVED. THAT. THING. It was yellow and made a loud whhhhhhhiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr when I plugged it in. I loved the smell the rubber-tipped metal letters had. I would sit for hours on end at my bedroom desk, typing away.
I lived across the street from a pool for most of my childhood. (Okay, fine, it was a country club. Judge away!) Instead of swimming, I’d sit poolside with my Five-Star notebook and Pilot fine point pens, frantically scribbling my stories about tween unrequited love. I even submitted a few of my manuscripts to the tween magazines I had subscriptions to.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about all of this ever since I read Gretchen Rubin ask in The Happiness Project, “What did you do for fun when you were 10 years old?” She made the case that chances are whatever you did for fun as a 10-year-old would be something that you would enjoy today as an adult. For me, that would be writing. These days, my writing usually revolves around faith, parenting, marriage, cultural observations, books, and finding happiness in ordinary living.
Now that we’re out of survival mode with our new beautiful baby girl, I’m getting an itch to get back to writing. As a mama of 4 littles, I tend to write in spurts. I’ll find a rhythm for a few weeks or months, and then I’ll hang the blog back on the shelf until life gets a little less crazy. I started blogging in November 2011, but it’s never been a daily habit. I think I’ve always thought it was a bit selfish or indulgent for a young mom. After 6.5 years at this parenting stuff, I’m learning that taking the time for me isn’t selfish; it’s a necessity.
This time, I want to do things differently. This time, I’m challenging myself to sit down and write for at least 10 minutes a day every single day. Those ten minutes might not be enough to create a coherent blog post, but it will mean that I’m practicing my craft daily. Just as I’ve been allowing myself to accept my new identity as a runner for my self-prescribed #yearofme, I’m starting to accept what my identity has always been: I am a writer.
My goal is to publish 3 blog posts a week by writing at least 10 minutes everyday. I don’t know what my future as a writer entails. For now, in this crazy chapter of life with 4 littles, it’s enough for me to embrace that I am, in fact, a writer. At long last, I am going to allow myself to be a writer for at least 10 minutes every single day.
Questions for you:
What did you like to do when you were ten years old? What would that look like today? Are you allowing yourself to do that thing on a regular basis? Why or why not?
![“Have I played or recreated with them?”]()
by Catherine | Jun 28, 2016 | Faith, Family
To prepare for the sacrament of confession, Catholics are taught to examine their consciences in an effort to bring to mind all of the sins they committed since their last confession. There are several different versions of examinations of consciences available. Most are organized by questions relating to the 10 Commandments or are specific to one’s state in life (child, single, married, religious life). I’m always seeking out new examinations. Each examination has a way of zeroing in on specific areas I need to keep working on.
In preparation for my last meeting with my spiritual director, I read through the examination for married life through the Laudate app on my phone. This examination went through many different questions and sorted them into 4 different categories:
- Responsibilities to God
- Responsibilities to my spouse
- Responsibilities to my children
- Responsibilities to society
One of the benefits of examinations of conscience is that they inform you of sinful behavior you might not even be aware of. When I got to the responsibilities to my children, I came across this question:
Have I played or recreated with them?
The question stopped me in my tracks. I read the question over and over again. Have I played with my children? Have I recreated with them? I had never considered the question as a moral issue before. I had to stop and think about how I was connecting with the kids on an average day. Sure, I gave the kids little “time-ins” throughout the day, but I rarely took more than 10-15 minutes at a time just to play.
The Internet can’t agree on who said this quote, but I’ll give it to Dr. John Trainer: “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
Pope Francis completely agrees with Dr. Trainer. In an address to the Pontifical Council on the Family, he said, “When I hear the confession of a young married man or woman, and they refer to their son or daughter, I ask, ‘How many children do you have?’ and they tell me. Maybe they’re expecting another question after that, but I always ask, ‘And tell me, do you play with your children? Do you waste time with your children?’ The free gift of a parent’s time is so important.”
Harry loves taking silly selfies
Since reading that examination that asked me if I’m playing with the kids, I’ve realized something heartbreaking and very sobering. It’s hard to write this, but here goes nothing: I treat the kids like interruptions to what I think is my real work. I believe that they have eternal souls that I’m supposed to be molding, but I usually choose to make a god out of my housework and generally losing myself in busy-ness.
I’m not trying to unnecessarily beat myself up as a mother. Our kids are 6, 5, almost 3, and 3 months old. There’s a lot to juggle and balance. I take time out of every day to make the kids feel special and connected, but if I’m honest with myself, I could be less selfish with how I approach our days.
The great news? I can choose to change that every single day.
Since talking about the issue with Philip and taking it to prayer, I’m starting to see three things that have helped:
- Changing my view of time
- Remembering
- Moving On
Changing My View of Time
I get myself into trouble when I try ordering our days around my time instead of God’s time.2 Without fail, the day always, always, always goes better when I get in my morning prayer (even if it’s just a sincere Morning Offering before my feet hit the ground) and ask God to give me wisdom in how to order our day. When I relinquish control (and that’s hard for a control freak like me) and say, “God, how do You want me to spend this hour (or morning, afternoon, evening, etc.)?” He blesses the time more than if I start the day with my own agenda and timeframe.
It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? If only I’d remember that wisdom every single day! I have to keep reminding myself: It’s His time, it’s a gift He’s given me, and what I do with it is an offering for Him. When I can remember that, it’s so much easier to say “yes” to the kids as a “yes” to Him. Yes, I’ll play monster trucks with you in the living room. Yes, I’ll color with you at the kitchen table. Yes, I’ll read that book with you on the couch.
Remembering
All of us have both positive and negative memories of our childhoods. Taking the time to try and remember those positive and negative memories of my own childhood is really helpful. It helps me to realize what I’d like to do the same, improve upon, or change.
I forced myself to do this little thought experiment: What would the children say about their childhoods if they were suddenly adults today? If I’m honest, they’d probably say,
“My mom chose housework over me.”
“My mom was distracted.”
“My mom made me feel like I was interrupting her.”
“My mom was hot and cold. She was fun on the weekends and when Dad got home, but she was usually working during the day.”
I’m starting to see that the way I’m choosing to order an average day around here is not the way I want the kids to remember it.
Moving On
One of my favorite pastimes before I began spiritual direction was ruminating. I’d chew and chew and chew on all of the ways I had screwed up, replay the scenes in my head, and feel horrible about my shortcomings. Fun, huh?
This Year of Mercy has been a gift in that it has taught me to move on. Returning to the practice of monthly confession and spiritual direction has really helped me to do that. There’s something irreplaceable about being able to sit face-to-face with the same confessor month after month. The priest knows all of my shortcomings, administers the sacrament of confession in Persona Christi (in the Person of Christ), and encourages me to go in peace.
When I look at the crucifix, I realize that there’s a horrible price to all of my sins. Yet, wouldn’t it be such a tragic waste for me to keep kicking myself for all of the things I’ve already confessed and been released from? The God who died for me already moved on, so shouldn’t I do the same? Yes! I’m learning the answer is absolutely yes!
No more ruminating! Instead, I’m going to keep being honest, asking for forgiveness, forgiving myself, and moving on.
Learning How To Play
This might sound kind of silly, but as part of my efforts to move on, I’m realizing that I need to learn how to play with our kids. The kids have been excellent teachers. When I take the time to enter into their worlds, they show me everything I need to know. I used to think that a “good mom” looked like a summer camp counselor with pep in her step, a song for every occasion, and the energy of the Energizer Bunny. Instead, the kids are showing me that it’s more important for me to make eye contact, show them I’m listening by asking good questions, shower them with a lot of affection, and let them lead with their interests.
I’m getting better at this recreating thing, and I’ve noticed a big difference in the kids. For example, Jane has been putting on evening performances of “The Sound of Music” for our entire family in the basement with her Barbie dolls and Ken. She is so confident! Philip and I love to exchange looks during her play. It means so much to her that the whole family will come together to sit and watch her many installments of her favorite movie.
Introducing us to the cast of characters from “The Sound of Music”
I’m still not great at playing with the kids for big chunks of time, but I’m choosing them more often than distracting myself with housework. I’m taking it one day at a time and getting better and better at balancing the needs of the kids with my other duties.
Questions For You
How do you play with your kids?
How do you balance your responsibilities to family and home?
How do you remember your childhood? Did your parents carve out special time just to play with you? What did it look like?
!["Have I played or recreated with them?"]()
by Catherine | Jun 28, 2016 | Faith, Family
To prepare for the sacrament of confession, Catholics are taught to examine their consciences in an effort to bring to mind all of the sins they committed since their last confession. There are several different versions of examinations of consciences available. Most are organized by questions relating to the 10 Commandments or are specific to one’s state in life (child, single, married, religious life). I’m always seeking out new examinations. Each examination has a way of zeroing in on specific areas I need to keep working on.
In preparation for my last meeting with my spiritual director, I read through the examination for married life through the Laudate app on my phone. This examination went through many different questions and sorted them into 4 different categories:
- Responsibilities to God
- Responsibilities to my spouse
- Responsibilities to my children
- Responsibilities to society
One of the benefits of examinations of conscience is that they inform you of sinful behavior you might not even be aware of. When I got to the responsibilities to my children, I came across this question:
Have I played or recreated with them?
The question stopped me in my tracks. I read the question over and over again. Have I played with my children? Have I recreated with them? I had never considered the question as a moral issue before. I had to stop and think about how I was connecting with the kids on an average day. Sure, I gave the kids little “time-ins” throughout the day, but I rarely took more than 10-15 minutes at a time just to play.
The Internet can’t agree on who said this quote, but I’ll give it to Dr. John Trainer: “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
Pope Francis completely agrees with Dr. Trainer. In an address to the Pontifical Council on the Family, he said, “When I hear the confession of a young married man or woman, and they refer to their son or daughter, I ask, ‘How many children do you have?’ and they tell me. Maybe they’re expecting another question after that, but I always ask, ‘And tell me, do you play with your children? Do you waste time with your children?’ The free gift of a parent’s time is so important.”
Harry loves taking silly selfies
Since reading that examination that asked me if I’m playing with the kids, I’ve realized something heartbreaking and very sobering. It’s hard to write this, but here goes nothing: I treat the kids like interruptions to what I think is my real work. I believe that they have eternal souls that I’m supposed to be molding, but I usually choose to make a god out of my housework and generally losing myself in busy-ness.
I’m not trying to unnecessarily beat myself up as a mother. Our kids are 6, 5, almost 3, and 3 months old. There’s a lot to juggle and balance. I take time out of every day to make the kids feel special and connected, but if I’m honest with myself, I could be less selfish with how I approach our days.
The great news? I can choose to change that every single day.
Since talking about the issue with Philip and taking it to prayer, I’m starting to see three things that have helped:
- Changing my view of time
- Remembering
- Moving On
Changing My View of Time
I get myself into trouble when I try ordering our days around my time instead of God’s time.2 Without fail, the day always, always, always goes better when I get in my morning prayer (even if it’s just a sincere Morning Offering before my feet hit the ground) and ask God to give me wisdom in how to order our day. When I relinquish control (and that’s hard for a control freak like me) and say, “God, how do You want me to spend this hour (or morning, afternoon, evening, etc.)?” He blesses the time more than if I start the day with my own agenda and timeframe.
It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? If only I’d remember that wisdom every single day! I have to keep reminding myself: It’s His time, it’s a gift He’s given me, and what I do with it is an offering for Him. When I can remember that, it’s so much easier to say “yes” to the kids as a “yes” to Him. Yes, I’ll play monster trucks with you in the living room. Yes, I’ll color with you at the kitchen table. Yes, I’ll read that book with you on the couch.
Remembering
All of us have both positive and negative memories of our childhoods. Taking the time to try and remember those positive and negative memories of my own childhood is really helpful. It helps me to realize what I’d like to do the same, improve upon, or change.
I forced myself to do this little thought experiment: What would the children say about their childhoods if they were suddenly adults today? If I’m honest, they’d probably say,
“My mom chose housework over me.”
“My mom was distracted.”
“My mom made me feel like I was interrupting her.”
“My mom was hot and cold. She was fun on the weekends and when Dad got home, but she was usually working during the day.”
I’m starting to see that the way I’m choosing to order an average day around here is not the way I want the kids to remember it.
Moving On
One of my favorite pastimes before I began spiritual direction was ruminating. I’d chew and chew and chew on all of the ways I had screwed up, replay the scenes in my head, and feel horrible about my shortcomings. Fun, huh?
This Year of Mercy has been a gift in that it has taught me to move on. Returning to the practice of monthly confession and spiritual direction has really helped me to do that. There’s something irreplaceable about being able to sit face-to-face with the same confessor month after month. The priest knows all of my shortcomings, administers the sacrament of confession in Persona Christi (in the Person of Christ), and encourages me to go in peace.
When I look at the crucifix, I realize that there’s a horrible price to all of my sins. Yet, wouldn’t it be such a tragic waste for me to keep kicking myself for all of the things I’ve already confessed and been released from? The God who died for me already moved on, so shouldn’t I do the same? Yes! I’m learning the answer is absolutely yes!
No more ruminating! Instead, I’m going to keep being honest, asking for forgiveness, forgiving myself, and moving on.
Learning How To Play
This might sound kind of silly, but as part of my efforts to move on, I’m realizing that I need to learn how to play with our kids. The kids have been excellent teachers. When I take the time to enter into their worlds, they show me everything I need to know. I used to think that a “good mom” looked like a summer camp counselor with pep in her step, a song for every occasion, and the energy of the Energizer Bunny. Instead, the kids are showing me that it’s more important for me to make eye contact, show them I’m listening by asking good questions, shower them with a lot of affection, and let them lead with their interests.
I’m getting better at this recreating thing, and I’ve noticed a big difference in the kids. For example, Jane has been putting on evening performances of “The Sound of Music” for our entire family in the basement with her Barbie dolls and Ken. She is so confident! Philip and I love to exchange looks during her play. It means so much to her that the whole family will come together to sit and watch her many installments of her favorite movie.
Introducing us to the cast of characters from “The Sound of Music”
I’m still not great at playing with the kids for big chunks of time, but I’m choosing them more often than distracting myself with housework. I’m taking it one day at a time and getting better and better at balancing the needs of the kids with my other duties.
Questions For You
How do you play with your kids?
How do you balance your responsibilities to family and home?
How do you remember your childhood? Did your parents carve out special time just to play with you? What did it look like?
![Keeping Sunday a “Day of Protest”]()
by Catherine | Jun 26, 2016 | Faith, Family
Sorry for the radio silence on the blog! It has been a wonderful summer around here. We seem to be finding our summer rhythm, and I’ve (mostly) adjusted to life as a mama of 4 littles. I have so much to share and want to write about, especially some updates on the “Year of Me”, but I’ll save that for another time.
Last week, I listened to Episode 27 of The Right Heart Podcast with Erin Franco. The episode is called, “Back to the Heart of Sunday Rest.” In the podcast, Erin interviewed my friend, Lisa Schmidt, about where this idea of Sunday rest came from, they shared their struggles in making it happen, Lisa reassured us that there are very few rules beyond our Sunday obligation to attend Mass, and Lisa offered some wonderful, practical ways to make Sunday more restful. Please, please, please do yourself a favor, and listen to the episode now if you’ve ever wondered how to make Sunday a special day for you and your family.
A few of my favorite takeaways from the podcast:
- God gives the commandment to rest to the Israelites AFTER entering into covenant with them and freeing them from slavery in Egypt. It is weekly reminder to them of the love that God has for His people.
- Like the Israelites, we should keep Sunday as a “day of protest” from the things we feel enslaved by. “God’s action is the model for human action. If God ‘rested and was refreshed’ on the seventh day, man too ought to ‘rest’ and should let others, especially the poor, ‘be refreshed.’ The sabbath brings everyday work to a halt and provides a respite. It is a day of protest against the servitude of work and the worship of money.” Catechism of the Catholic Church, #2172
- What you feel enslaved by may not be enslaving for someone else. (Example: If you like gardening, go ahead and garden on Sunday. If you don’t enjoy it, find something else to do!)
- There is a difference between doing nothing (NOT the idea of the Sabbath) and the goal of holy leisure
- Wondering how to say “no” to commitments on Sundays? Read this Wall Street Journal article that Lisa mentioned. The author suggests stating your “no” as a value. Instead of saying, “We can’t…,” say, “We don’t participate in sports on Sundays.” Saying your “no” as a value does a few things: The person on the receiving end is less likely to argue with a value. In fact, they will likely respect you for drawing a line. In turn, the person will also be more inclined to create healthy boundaries for themselves. Imagine if our “no” stated as a value led to other families creating similar policies for their own families!
After listening to the podcast, I was inspired to share the nuggets of wisdom from Erin and Lisa with Philip. We have made an effort in the past to avoid shopping and do only the necessary housework (mostly cooking and kitchen clean-up) on Sundays, so we didn’t have too many radical adjustments to make, but there was definitely room for improvement.
Lisa gave me a very fun and very easy way to set Sundays apart: a special baked treat! Instead of having dessert all week long, Lisa is making it a goal to limit sweets for her family during the week and baking something special for Sundays. We took that idea and ran with it! Our inaugural special dessert was a delicious apple crisp with vanilla ice cream.
Baker Walt mixing the ingredients for the crumble
Baker Jane slicing the apples under Dad’s supervision
Adding on the crumble
Apple crisp (crumble doubled and a dollop of vanilla ice cream on top, of course!)
I love the idea of setting Sundays apart with special desserts. I think it will take us awhile to cut back on the desserts the rest of the week, but we can definitely make a very special dessert for Sundays.
We’re still thinking and praying about what we want Sundays to look like in this family. There are plenty of ways our Sundays could look different when we think about escaping from or at least limiting the things we feel enslaved by. What are you feeling enslaved by? Screens? Sports? Social media? The phone? Social commitments? Family commitments? Housework? Exercise? How can you make Sunday a “day of protest” for you and your family? Would the outside world know you are a Christian by the way you are living your Sundays?
