by Catherine | Jul 5, 2017 | Uncategorized
Adoption is something that has always been on our hearts. Philip and I started talking about adoption when we were dating and dreaming about our future family. Now that we’re settled in Lincoln, Philip is done with his medical training, and Dorothy is a year old, we thought now would be an ideal time to begin the process. We started seriously researching adoption a year ago. After a lot of prayer and talking with various families we know who have adopted internationally, domestically (within the U.S.), or have fostered to adopt, we decided that international adoption was the best fit for our family right now.
Next, we had to decide which country we would be adopting from. Initially, we thought that we would be adopting from China. As many of you know, Philip has a younger sister, Maddy, who was adopted from China when Philip was a senior in high school. After a little research, we found out that the relaxation of China’s One-Child Policy dramatically changed the population of adoptable children from China. More families are choosing to parent their daughters, so more boys are available for adoption than girls. Also, all of the children available for adoption are considered “special needs.” (More on this later.)
Meanwhile, we were also learning more about Haiti and their adoption process. For awhile, it looked like this was the route we were headed. We’d be looking at a 3-ish year timeline, and our adopted child would likely be healthy on paper. Unfortunately, after speaking with families who have adopted from Haiti in recent years, it became obvious that there is no such thing as a reliable timeline when adopting from Haiti. We could be looking at a wait of 5-6 years with no promises of a child. Since we hope that God will bless us with another biological child down the road, we don’t want to postpone our family plans that long. We’re also hoping for a relatively stable process. (God’s laughing.) So, it was back to the drawing board.
In the midst of all of this, we narrowed down our short list of adoption agencies. One adoption agency, America World Adoption Agency, proved itself to be superior in its attention to detail, advocacy for the children, and promptness in returning phone calls/e-mails, so we decided to work with them. They helped us to weigh the pros and cons of both their Haiti and China programs. After speaking with the coordinators from both programs, we decided that China was the best fit for us after all. Our biggest concerns and questions revolved around what “special needs” means. In the world of international adoption, “special needs” is a very, very large umbrella.
The adoptable children in China are separated into 2 groups:
- Special Needs
- Special Focus
Children in the special needs group have what are considered more minor and correctable conditions such as: cleft lip/palate, minor heart condition, hernia, skin conditions, etc. Boys are often considered special needs because more families want to adopt girls. Children older than 10 are considered special needs as well. Children placed in the special focus group have conditions that are more involved and require extensive therapy/surgery/interventions such as: brain damage, blindness, paralysis, etc.
After speaking with the representative from the China Program, she made us much more confident in our decision to adopt from China. China has one of the longest standing international adoption relationships with the United States. Compared with other countries, it is a relatively short and smooth process. From start to homecoming, we will be looking at a 16-24 month process. Our start date was back in March when we formally filed our adoption paperwork with our adoption agency, so at the very longest we’d have a homecoming in March 2019. In all likelihood, our child will be here before then! Our agency has people on the ground in China who will be able to coordinate our trip, lead us through the legal process on both ends, and facilitate communication between us and the orphanage/foster family caring for our child.
As all of the adoptable children from China have special needs, Philip and I have the opportunity to fill out what is called a “Waiting Child Application.” The Waiting Child Application allows adoptive families to list all of the medical conditions that they are open to or will possibly consider. This was one of the many steps when I was glad to be married to a pediatrician! Basically, potential adoptive parents are given an extensive list of the special needs often seen in the Chinese orphanages/foster homes. Philip and I had to go through the list of conditions and create 2 lists. The first list was our “green lights,” all of the conditions that we feel equipped to take on. The second list had our “yellow lights,” the conditions that we might consider depending on the severity or combination of conditions listed in the child’s file. This was the most difficult and emotional part of the process so far.
We submitted our Waiting Child Application last month to our adoption agency and can receive a match any day. How long will it take to get a match? The more conditions a couple is open to, the higher the likelihood that they will get a quick match. The fewer conditions a couple is open to, the longer they will likely wait. We are requesting a baby girl between the ages of 0-2 years old. Based on the conditions we listed, we are probably looking at that timeline I mentioned above of 2 years or less. In all likelihood, she would be 14-16 months at homecoming.
When/if we are given a match, we will receive a very basic file for that child. It will likely include a few photos, perhaps a video, and a brief medical file. The information may be incomplete and/or dated. We are not required to accept that match. We will have the opportunity to review that child’s file for approximately 5-7 days. During that time, we can consult with physicians who have experience reviewing international adoption files to determine what that child’s special needs will require and whether or not we feel ready and able to adopt that child.
Since March, we have been working on 2 important steps:
- Building our dossier
- Completing our home study
A dossier is just a fancy word that means a whole bunch of paperwork required by the U.S. and Chinese government for our adoption. I already have a 2-inch binder full of copies of the paperwork we have collected and completed. An adoption dossier for China requires approximately 50 different documents, many of which need to be original, notarized, and certified. A dossier requires things like: training certificates, birth certificates, several background checks, fingerprints, medical forms/test results, and a home study summary.
A home study is basically an extensive look into your actual home and your family’s readiness to adopt. Our adoption agency is based out of Virginia and does not perform home studies in Nebraska, so a social worker from Lutheran Family Services is working with us. The social worker comes to our home 3 separate times, 2 hours each. We completed our home study visits back in May, and we have really enjoyed working with our social worker. She is helping us to feel as prepared as possible and getting us equipped with all of the resources we need. She is in the process of writing up our formal home study report. She’s just waiting on us to finish our adoption training classes before she can tie a bow on things. Our adoption classes are online, and we’re nearly done with them.
It typically takes families 4-7 months go complete the paper chase. We’re right on track and are feeling good about things. All of the documents that we collected now need to be state certified. This will take several weeks. It is very important that none of the documents we gathered are older than 6 months old by the time they reach the Chinese government or they will need to be redone.
Once our home study is finalized and all of our documents are state certified, our dossier will be sent off to our adoption agency to be translated into Mandarin before it is sent to the Chinese government. From there, the Chinese government will give us our official Log-In Date (LID). Once we have our LID, we are officially “in the system” and can move forward legally with a match. Meanwhile, we will apply to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to for our child’s immigration.
This is all a very general and broad overview of the process as we understand it. Only God knows how it will all play out! Meanwhile, we are doing what we can as we have time and are leaving the rest up to Him. We keep reminding ourselves that it is impossible for us to “miss” the child that God intends for our family. We are contentedly focused on the children God already blessed us with, and we plug away at adoption stuff in the fringe hours.
Thank you for all of the support and prayers you’ve already given our family!
by Catherine | May 4, 2017 | Uncategorized
Last year at this time, I was going to my 6-week postpartum check-up. I was fed up with how things were going–with my energy, my nutrition, my fitness, my prayer life, my rest, and my lack of me-time. I decided my 6-week check-up would mark my second new year and kick off what I called “The Year of Me.” As a wise mama mentor told me, “You have to fill yourself up so that you can pour yourself out.” With that, I decided it was time for this tired, out of shape, junk food eating, resentful mama with a spotty prayer life to fill herself up.
I thought long and hard about the areas I wanted to improve upon, and I set goals in the areas of:
- exercise
- nutrition
- prayer/spiritual life
- rest
- me time
Changing My Mindset
I’ve never stuck with something for myself for a solid year. Honestly, it took a long time for me to stop viewing The Year of Me as self-indulgent. After all, as a stay-at-home mom, aren’t I supposed to be putting myself last? Isn’t my life all about pouring myself out for my husband and children? Well, party people, I tried that. Turns out it doesn’t work to serve people when you’re constantly running on fumes. And you know what? It’s not what they want anyway. They don’t want a bitter, impatient, fed-up martyr’s sacrifice. They want a healthy, rested, and happy wife and mother. They need someone who gives out of abundant grace instead of scarcity and scorekeeping. And you know what else? I need all of that for myself. That is why I did The Year of Me.
Creating Habits
Aside from changing my mindset and getting rid of the self-doubt, the hardest part of the Year of Me was creating the habits. I felt most in over my head with my goals in the areas of exercise and nutrition. Prior to the Year of Me, I never exercised on a regular basis. I couldn’t run for a minute without stopping. I started using the Couch to 5K app and plugged away at that 3 days a week while the kids played in the gym nursery.
A year later, I’m working out 6 days a week before the kids wake up. I run 3 days a week for at least half an hour, and I’m training toward a 10K using the free Couch to 10K app from Zen Labs. Lately, the training days are 53ish minutes. The other 3 days, I do strength training workout videos from 21-Day Fix. I’m resuming physical therapy next week with a physical therapist trained in pelvic floor strengthening. We’re going to work to completely repair my diastasis recti (abdominal separation) and other injuries I’ve written about before. Ladies, do yourselves a favor, and find out about postpartum physical therapy exercises to repair and strengthen your body!
When it came to nutrition, I had developed a disordered relationship with food during my last pregnancy. As a result of my severe “morning” sickness, I viewed food as a necessary evil that sounded horrible but helped me to not vomit for an hour or so. I had to constantly have something in my stomach, and it was horrible. Once Dorothy was born, I was able to regain my enjoyment of food, but I had to change my habits back to a normal caloric intake while taking into account my needs for breastfeeding. I found some good food options that I wouldn’t get sick of, and I’ve more or less been eating the same things for breakfast and lunch for the past year. For breakfast, I have an egg sandwich on a whole grain English muffin and a banana with a cup of coffee. For lunch, I have grilled chicken on top of a variety of prepared salad packs. I have 4 or 5 favorite kinds of salad in rotation. Every now and then, I’ll add some leftover steak into the mix. For dinner, Philip and I work together on our weekly menu as part of our Sunday evening family meeting once we’ve dismissed the kids to watch a movie. This helps us to be committed to our menu together, and we share the meal preparation load. We plan our weekly menu together based around what’s going on that week. Swimming lessons on Wednesday? Leftovers! Philip has a late night at work on Friday? Crockpot!
A year later, our house is in a much better place with nutrition. We have lighter items on our menu that everyone seems to enjoy. Gone are the days of cream of something based casseroles. In are the days of lean meats with lots of produce. My once a week trip to the grocery store keeps our budget in control and makes us invested in clearing out the fridge instead of picking up takeout.
Building Upon Good Habits
God knows how much I need my rest, so He has mercifully blessed us with 4 good sleepers. In those early postpartum months I took guilt-free afternoon naps, and I’ll still take one from time to time if I’m especially exhausted. Philip has been our bedtime enforcer, and we’re generally going to bed around 9:30. Unfortunately, my desire to read ALL THE BOOKS keeps me up too, too late. I need to learn a little self-control in that area. If not for all of my evening reading, I’d feel well rested.
Have you heard of Gretchen Rubin and read any of her books or listened to her podcast, Happier? Well, she has this thing called the 4 tendencies. If you want to know yours, take her quiz. (Her book, The Four Tendencies, is coming out in September 2017). ANYWAY, I say all of that to say that I’m an Obliger. As an Obliger, I easily meet outer expectations and struggle to meet inner expectations. (No wonder I needed a Year of Me!) On her Happier podcast, I learned this trick that’s helped me to stick to some good habits: be kind to my future self. I’m not good at doing things for myself unless I think, “Future me is going to be glad I did this.” It’s not a struggle to do things for myself when I tell myself that it’s for Future Catherine. So, for example, when I’m reading a really good book at 10:30 p.m. tonight and am tempted to read until the end, I’m going to tell myself, “Future Catherine will be glad if I put the book down now and go to bed.” I know. All of the self talk sounds kind of crazy. But it works, folks.
Fortunately, my prayer life was in a good place before delivery, and it didn’t take me long to get back on track. I’m still working on just being in God’s presence and listening instead of talking at Him all the time. I have a feeling that’ll be a life’s work for me. I’m making a lot of progress with the help of monthly meetings with my wonderful spiritual director. There’s something really, really special about having a confessor that knows your heart with all of its faults but knows your bigger story. He sees the setbacks, acknowledges the growth, and gives me wise counsel to move forward in trust in God’s neverending mercy. I can look him in the eyes now and give him an unapologetic “thank you” now when he tells me that I’m a great wife and mother and that I’m doing a great job.
With Philip’s insistence, I’ve had regular me time at least once a week this past year. One day a week, a sitter comes over to play with the kids after school, and I take time away until dinner. I used to feel the need to fill the time with running errands or doing something that felt like checking an item off my to-do list. That was dumb. Now, I’ll treat myself without guilt or the constant compulsion to be doing something productive. I’ll get my nails done, read, blog, or whatever sounds like it will fill my tank. I used to think that I was an extrovert, but I’m slowly accepting that I’m a serious introvert. I love people, but, man, I need some major recovery time after being with a lot of people. This 2-hour break to myself revitalizes me and helps me to get back to life and all of its obligations.
What’s Next?
I’ve been thinking about what’s next since the Year of Me is over. I’ve taken it to God, and I think He’s telling me that my next challenge should be the Year of Surrender. It’s time for this control freak to finally let go, tell God that He’s in control, actually believe it, and then let Him do His thing. Want to know how I feel about that? Well, honestly, I’m terrified. I’ll be praying about all of this in the days and weeks to come and share about my “plan” another time soon. And you know what God’s gonna do, right? He’s gonna laugh.
by Catherine | Apr 26, 2017 | Family
This week is Jane’s turn to be “Star of the Week” in her first grade class. As Star of the Week, Jane got to fill in a poster about herself and bring in photos to be hung in the classroom. The other perks of being Star of the Week include: getting to invite your parents to join you for lunch, being the line leader, being a special helper, and inviting in a parent to talk about their career. I assumed Jane would invite Doctor Dad Philip to speak to her class. You can imagine my surprise when she said, “Mom, can you come in for Star of the Week? There have been a lot of doctors, so I think my class knows what they do.” I told her I’d be happy to come in and asked her what I should talk about. She said, “I want you to come in and tell them about what you do. You do a lot! I’ll start making a list of all the things you do for us.”
Folding laundry while Jane works on her list of the things I do
Today was the big day for my visit to her classroom. (Side note: Is there anything more adorable than a first grade classroom?)
The kids filed in from their trip to the school library. Jane spotted me immediately, let out a, “MOMMY!” gave me an unabashed huge hug, and joined me on a bench while her classmates sat in front of us criss cross applesauce.
Rather than try to format this with a, “Then I said this, and then I said that,” I’ll write this like a transcript of how the visit went.
Me: Hello! I’m Jane’s mom, Mrs. Boucher. Jane invited me in today to tell all of you about my job as a stay-at-home mom. Before I get into that, I thought it’d be good for me to tell you a bit about my vocation story before I became a mom. When I was in high school, I thought that God might be calling me to be a religious sister. That was always in the back of my mind as I went to college and went on a retreat during my sophomore year. Toward the end of the retreat, I asked one of the sisters for her advice. I was crying and told her that I thought that God was calling me to be a sister but that I really wanted to be a wife and mother. She told me, ‘Honey, God wants you to be happy, and He’s not going to call you to do something that makes you miserable.’ I was so relieved! After that, I began to discern that maybe God was calling me to marriage. And guess who I met a few weeks after that retreat?
Jane’s class: Dr. Boucher!
Me: Yup! We dated for two years, and…
Jane: And you played Scrabble on your first date! And that’s how Daddy asked you to marry him.
Me: Yes, that’s right! Then we got married, and I became a high school Spanish teacher.
Jane: Then I came!
Me: Yes, Jane was born a few years later in, well, Jane, when’s your birthday?
Jane: February 11, 2010.
Me: Yes, so, Jane was born in February, and she went to daycare for the rest of that school year. Then I started staying at home with her that summer, and I’ve stayed home ever since. I went to Catholic school growing up, but I never had much of a prayer life until I started staying at home. When it was just me and Jane (at this point, Jane wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed until the end of my visit), I had pockets of silence in the house, and that was the first time in my life that I started to really hear God’s voice. Now, I bet a lot of you have an idea of what I do everyday as a stay-at-home mom. What kinds of things do you think I do everyday?
(Hands shot up in the air.)
Me: Jane, why don’t you call on a couple of your classmates.
Classmate: Make dinner!
Me: Yes, I make a lot of meals. And meals are a lot of work, aren’t they? You make the food, and then what do you do?
Jane’s class: Eat the food!
Me: Well, yes, and then what do you do?
Jane’s class: Clean up.
Me: Yes, so I clean up the dishes and the kitchen. What other kinds of things do you think I do?
Classmate: Laundry!
Classmate: Help with homework!
Classmate: Change diapers!
(Several more assorted answers and conversations about the various tasks.)
Lunch with Dorothy
Me: So, you get the idea. There are a lot of different things that go into my day, aren’t there? And you know what? Sometimes, I can be really selfish or even lazy about these things that I’m supposed to do. Have your parents ever asked you to do something and you’ve groaned? Well, I feel that way sometimes, too. ‘Is it already time for dinner?! Another diaper?’ I think God first called me to be a stay-at-home mom to learn how to choose love instead of what I want. And God blessed us with more children after Jane. I bet a lot of you know Jane’s brother Walt who’s in kindergarten, right? Well, he was born just 15 months after Jane, and I learned how to become less selfish when he was born. Then, God blessed us with another baby named Thérèse. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage, and that means that Thérèse died in my tummy.
(At this point, half a dozen hands shot up, and several of Jane’s classmates shared stories of their families being affected by miscarriage, some multiple times.)
Me: When Thérèse died, it was very sad and hard, but our family believes that Thérèse is in heaven and that she’s our family’s little saint that we can pray to. Ever since then, it became our family’s goal to get our whole family to heaven so that we could be together with our baby Thérèse. Do you have any guesses who we named Thérèse after?
(Several hands shot up.)
Classmate: St.Thérèse of Lisieux!
Me: That’s right! St.Thérèse became extra important to me after our baby Thérèse went to heaven. I learned a lot about her life, and I tried to follow her advice. She wrote a lot about something called ‘The Little Way.’ St. Thérèse believed that the way to become a saint was to do a lot of little things with great love. And you know what? I have a lot of opportunities everyday as a stay-at-home mom to do little things. Some days, I do a lot of small things with great love, but other days I do them with a bad attitude or am lazy about it. Do you ever do that?
(Lot of heads nodding and ‘Mmmm hmmm’s.)
Me: Me too! But you know what? There’s great news! Look at that picture that you have in the front of your classroom.
(Pointing to an image of Divine Mercy like this one.)
Me: We just learned about that picture on Divine Mercy Sunday, and we learned something important about God’s mercy last Sunday in the Gospel. What happened when Jesus appeared to Thomas? Was His body back to normal? (I pointed to my wrists.)
Classmate: No! He still had the holes in his hands and feet and side.
Me: Yes! That’s right! Jesus came back to His friends with His wounds. And we have wounds, too. We have wounds when we make bad choices. And Jesus meets us in our wounds. And next year, when all of you are in second grade, what sacrament will you receive before your First Communion where Jesus can heal those wounds?
Jane’s class: Confession!
Me: That’s right! Confession is all about that picture (pointing to the Divine Mercy image) and the words at the bottom. Jesus wants to heal our wounds, and He wants to hear us say, ‘Jesus, I trust in You.’ So, I think God asked me to become a stay-at-home mom because He knew I needed a lot of daily opportunities to overcome my selfishness and choose love. Do I always do it perfectly? No! But at the end of the day, I’m able to say, ‘Jesus, I trust in You.’ I know that He will forgive me if I am sorry, and He’s there to help me do better the next day. After Thérèse went to heaven, God blessed our family with more children. We have Harry, who’s in preschool, and Dorothy, who just turned a year old. While a lot of my days are full of serving our family, one of my favorite parts about being a stay-at-home mom is my ability to help others since I’m available in ways that I wouldn’t be if I were still teaching during the day. I can bring meals to families that have a new baby or had a family member pass away. I can help families with giving kids rides. I can help with watching other children or being available if there’s an emergency. In our neighborhood, we have a lot of kids around, and they know that our house is a safe place to come and play because I’m around. And, hey, do you guys know how hard your teachers work? Do you think Mrs. ____’s day is over when she goes home?
Jane’s class: Noooooooo
Me: Right! She goes home, and she takes care of her own family, and she’s still doing a bunch of things to get ready for the next school day.
Jane’s classmate to his teacher: Thank you!
Jane’s teacher: Wow, you’re welcome.
Me: Yes, always thank your teachers. They work so hard!
Jane’s classmate: I have a question. Why did you choose to be a stay-at-home mom?
Me: That’s a great question! I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, but once Jane was born, I knew I wanted to be with her as much as I could. A lot of people didn’t understand my decision and said things like, ‘I could never do that!’ I think they thought it would be boring or that I would get sick of doing the same things over and over again. I think that’s exactly why God wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom, though. He knew I needed the extra practice doing the same things over and over again and learning to do them out of love!
(Answering a few more questions and hearing more stories about children whose families were touched by miscarriage. One student shared about the movie Heaven is For Real and the main character meeting a sister who died in miscarriage in heaven.)
Me: I brought something for all of you that Jane can hand out. These are holy cards with a picture and prayer from St.Thérèse of Lisieux. I wanted all of you to have these so that you can remember what we talked about today. Before I leave, I want to give all of you a challenge with three parts, okay? Here it is:
- Try to do at least 5 things every day with great love. I bet after awhile you’ll start doing more.
- At the end of the day, think about the times when maybe you were selfish or didn’t do something with love. Tell Jesus, ‘Jesus, I trust in You,’ and tell Him how sorry you are. Once you’ve told Him how sorry you are for the times that you’ve failed, you can trust that He forgives you.
- Do better tomorrow.
So, what are the 3 things you’re going to do? One?
Jane’s class: Do 5 things
Me: With what? What great…?
Jane’s class: Love!
Me: Very good. And then, what about step 2? What are you going to do when you fail? Tell Jesus, ‘Jesus, I…?’
Jane’s class: Trust in You!
Me: That’s right! And most importantly, what are you going to do tomorrow?
Jane’s class: Do better!
Me: You’ve got it! That’s it. Do small things with great love, tell Jesus you trust in Him when you fail, and do better tomorrow. Some of you might grow up to be stay-at-home moms or dads or doctors or nurses or teachers or something else. No matter what God asks you to do, you can do this challenge. We all have a lot of chances to do small things with great love. Thanks for having me today!
* * *
The best part of my visit was being forced to sit down and pray about what this stay-at-home mom gig is all about. Sometimes, I catch myself just going through the motions of my days without really stopping and taking stock of it all. More than I’d care to admit, I let the mountains of laundry and dishes in the sink feel like a burden instead of the work of a family brimming with life. It’s enough to bring me to my knees. Life is darn good. Sure, a lot of days it’s a beautiful mess, but I wouldn’t trade my mess for anyone else’s.
Most days are full of a lot of little things. Jesus, help me to do them with love. I trust in You when I fail. Help me to do better tomorrow. Amen.
![The Year of Me: 9 Months In]()
by Catherine | Jan 6, 2017 | Everything Else
After a little blogging hiatus for Advent/Christmas, I’m baaaaaaack!
I started The Year of Me in May 2016, and I gave an update in September 2016. I thought January would be a perfect time to check in again.
January marks 9 months of the Year of Me. I look back at my original post and remember how I felt. While I was so grateful for the life I had, I knew I could make some changes to make it even better. Specifically, I knew I wanted to change things in the areas of: fitness, nutrition, rest, prayer, marriage, friendship, and me time.
So, where am I now? Today, let’s tackle Fitness:
Instead of throwing things out of whack, Christmas vacation made me firmer in my resolve to stick with things. I knew the New Year was approaching, and I was so excited to finally start a New Year as one of those people who already exercised! Instead of starting something new, I was continuing on with the work I had begun.
Unless I am sick or injured, it is my goal to exercise right after my morning prayer and breakfast Monday through Saturday. On the weekdays, I get my exercise in before the kids wake up. On Saturdays, I’ll exercise at some point in the morning. Here’s what I’m doing now:
- M/W/F: Treadmill. 3 – 3.5 miles
- 5 minute warm-up walk at 3.2 speed
- 30 minute run at 5.5 speed
- 5 minute cool-down walk at 3.2 speed
- T/TR/SAT: Workout Video
On the days that I run on the treadmill, I listen to my favorite podcasts. I look back at the pictures I took of the treadmill screen when I was starting Couch 2 5K, and I’m so glad I did. I had forgotten that I couldn’t run for 1 minute! Now, I’m regularly running for 30 minutes at a time without prompting from an app.
I love our fitness DVDs! A friend loaned me her copies of 21-Day Fix, and I ended up getting my own. I got Philip T-25 for Christmas, and we’ve been doing the videos together. It has been fun to have a variety of workouts to choose from, and they all target different areas.
We still use our gym membership, especially on the weekends, but I have been successful exercising from home. Our crammed home office/gym is now exclusively our gym. We’re still in the process of converting things, but it is so nice to have a dedicated space and not have to look at a cluttered desk while I run.
I imagine we will be getting a lot more use out of the gym in the long dog days of summer. I never made an appointment with a personal trainer, but I’m happy without one for now. Now that I’ve lost my shell of all of that extra weight, I’m focusing on maintaining a healthy weight while building muscle. When I started the Year of Me, I wish I had taken my measurements and an official before picture instead of just recording my weight. My body is completely different from when I began.
Left: Dorothy’s Baptism (5/1/16)
Right: Christmas Eve (12/24/16)
Since I started moving in May, I’ve lost 50+ pounds. I set an “ideal weight” goal, and I reached that number a few months ago. Once I reached that number, I was very pleased, but I did a little soul searching and had to admit to myself that a doctor would tell that my ideal weight would be even lower. Truth be told, I think I was afraid to aim for a truly healthy weight. I think my target was still settling. My thought was, “Well, THAT number is never happening on the scale again, so let’s just shoot for this.” I think it’s healthy for me to keep adjusting what the “ideal” is as I take into account my muscle gains and fat loss. While I’m happy about the weight loss, I am *MUCH* more pleased about my increased energy, improved mood, and strength. I was a good wife and mom before The Year of Me, but I think my family would tell you that I am even better now that I have the strength and energy to take on the demands of my vocation. The kids will also tell you that I’m a much more fun mom. I regularly get down on the ground and play instead of sitting on the sidelines and watching. This summer, I’m determined to be the mom who puts on the swimsuit, gets in the pool, runs through the sprinklers, etc. I’m done missing out on the fun because I don’t like my body or feel too tired.
Yesterday, Jane came into our bedroom while I was getting dressed. It had been awhile since she had seen my bare stomach. She pointed to the stretch marks and loose skin. With her sweet, concerned 6-year-old voice, she said, “Ohhhhhhhh, Mommy, what happened?!”
“Well, my tummy is kind of like a balloon. Every time it has a baby inside of it, it streeeeeeeeeeeetches out really far. Do you remember how big my tummy was when Dorothy was inside?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it has done that every time all of you were in there, and each time, I got these stretch marks on my tummy. After Dorothy was born, I had this extra skin. But I don’t mind. These marks and extra skin remind me of all of you.”
Oh. My. Goodness. I wish you could have seen how she beamed! “Really?! So, is this one (pointing to a stretch mark on my tummy) from me, and is this one (pointing to another) from Walt? And even Thérèse? And Harry and Dorothy?”
“Yup! Pretty cool, huh?”
And you know what she did? She gave me a hug and traced her little fingers over the stretch marks. I love that little girl. I pray that she is learning a few things about how I view my body. I want her to know that I love and cherish being a mother but that there are real, physical challenges that I face because of it. Those stretch marks and loose skin don’t embarrass me, but they do remind me that motherhood demands a lot of my body. Because I want to continue to be a strong mama, I choose to exercise and build up my strength. I want her to know that I’m not concerned about being skinny; I’m concerned about taking care of myself so that I can pour myself out. I was a good mom before I exercised on a regular basis, but I like mom-ing better now that I have the mental AND physical reserves for the job.
I’ll share more about the areas of nutrition, marriage, friendship, me time, rest, and prayer another time!
Questions for you:
What changes are you making in the New Year? How are you taking care of yourself better? How do you communicate to your children that you need to and do take care of yourself? How do you show them that you love your body?
![One Thing at a Time is Enough]()
by Catherine | Nov 3, 2016 | Family
Hi. This is a picture of me from a few weeks ago. I was living like I had 6 arms.
“Like a chicken with my head cut off”
Last week, I complained to my spiritual director about constantly feeling scatterbrained. “I run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Something is always falling through the cracks–nothing big, but just enough to make me feel like I’m not on top of things.”
Since our meeting, I heard Danielle Bean’s episode #43 of the Girlfriends Podcast. The title? “Do One Thing at a Time.”
“You owe it to yourself to do just one thing at a time. In fact, you owe it to the people in your life to do just one thing at a time because, you know what suffers when you do too many things at a time? Our relationships suffer.” (Danielle Bean, The Girlfriends Podcast)
Multitasking is a perennial source of contention between me and Philip. I pride myself in multitasking and get frustrated with Philip when I think he’s not multitasking enough. Philip, on the other hand, likes to work swiftly and linearly, hammering out tasks one at a time.
One night a few weeks ago after the kids were in bed, we were disagreeing about something to do with disciplining the kids. I was trying to wipe down the kitchen counters while we talked, and it bothered Philip that I wasn’t giving our conversation all of my attention.
“Can’t you please stop and look at me while we talk?”
“I am listening.”
I was hearing Philip, but I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t showing him that I valued what he had to say. Our conversation was important, and I didn’t show him that with my body language. Instead of scrubbing at the stubborn grease splatter on the countertop, I should have given him my eyes.
I ask the same of our children multiple times each day.
“Give me your eyes, please.”
“Can you please stop what you’re doing so that I know you heard me?”
“Look at Jane when you apologize.”
Before I listened to the Do One Thing at a Time podcast, I thought that multitasking meant that I was working smart. Doesn’t it mean I’m being more efficient if I’m doing a bunch of things at once? Nurse the baby and check e-mail. Help with homework and move the laundry. Hear about the kids’ days and load the dishwasher. (Turns out that handsome husband of mine was right about his linear, singular approach to things. Let’s not dwell on that, though!)
In the podcast, Danielle said that our relationships suffer most when we multitask, and she is right. That is exactly what suffered most that night when Philip and I were talking about how to discipline the kids. A clean countertop was not worth Philip’s hurt feelings. It made me wonder how many times my children acting out was a result of my multitasking. There is always more work that we can be doing, but at what cost?
After listening to the Do One Thing at a Time podcast, I realized that chronic multitasking was leaving me scattered, drained, exhausted, and feeling like I wasn’t doing any one thing well. It had a real physical and emotional cost. Having my constant to-dos running through my head made me feel physically depleted and emotionally like I was always failing. I thought maybe we were over-committed. After looking long and hard at our calendar together, Philip and I agreed that we commit ourselves to things outside our home in a healthy way and that maybe this feeling of drowning came from somewhere else. Danielle’s podcast helped me to see that the anxiety came from the self-imposed stress that chronic multitasking gave me.
I hear a not-so-little achiever Type-A recovering perfectionist voice in me saying, “C’mon, Catherine. This isn’t realistic. There is just SO MUCH that has to be done everyday. You HAVE TO multitask.” I get it, people. There’s a lot that goes in to getting any family from sun up to sun down. Some natural juggling has to happen throughout the day. My trick is asking myself, “Is this multitasking necessary, or is it contributing to the chaos?” While I have to feed the baby while I help with homework, I don’t have to move the laundry while I’m hearing about the first grader’s day. If I’m multitasking at the expense of a relationship, the task I’m doing almost always can wait. I need to give myself the permission to do one thing at a time.
Permission and Practice, Practice, Practice
It sounds so silly, but when Danielle said that I have permission to do one thing at a time, I felt so much relief. Of course I’ve always had this permission, but I had imposed all of these burdens on myself to keep too many fires going at the same time. Now, that being said, I had to remind myself that motherhood is, as Kimberly Hahn said, an “apostolate of interruption.” Some of the interruptions that happen throughout my day are actually the real work I’m supposed to be doing. It’s easier to tend to them when I’m doing one thing at a time. It’s easier to pull myself away emotionally and physically from a singular task than five.
I’ve been practicing this one thing at a time stuff for a little over a week. Let me tell you, it takes some getting used to! When was the last time you watched a show without getting on another screen or doing another task like folding laundry? To get myself into the practice of doing one thing at a time, I took Danielle’s recommendation to use the timer on my phone to “interrupt you on purpose” every 30 minutes. When the timer goes off, she says to check yourself with these questions: What am I doing, physically? How many tasks am I trying to accomplish right now? Is it just one? What am I thinking about? What’s pulling me away? What’s distracting me? What have I been occupied with?
I stopped setting the timer after awhile, but this exercise helped me to stay on track. Setting the timer made me realize that I was addicted to multitasking as a way of hammering out my to-do list. Instead of being slow, linear, and methodical about my approach to the day, I was running from task to task, almost getting a thrill out of doing as much as humanly possible all at once. Why?! Since I started paying more attention to my addiction to multitasking, I realized that I’m actually accomplishing more on the days that I stick to doing one thing at a time. My mind is freer from the clutter. I’m less physically and emotionally exhausted at the end of each day.
In addition to the timer, I’m doing a few other simple things to remove my distractions.
- To-Do List
- My running to-do list orders my day. I have 3 different categories: DO, GO/BUY, and CALL/EMAIL. I’m old school and keep it on a small memo pad that can come with me anywhere. Having it on my nightstand helps me to clear my mind of clutter at bedtime.
- E-mail and Phone Date
- Instead of checking e-mail on my phone multiple times a day, I like I schedule 10-15 minutes everyday dedicated exclusively to e-mail on the laptop. I’m trying to change expectations with my e-mails and texts that I will get back, but I won’t always respond right away.
Observations
Doing one thing at a time has its benefits. My mind feels like it has the space it needs to breathe between tasks, and I don’t feel stretched to my limits at every moment anymore. The quality of my work is drastically better. I’m on top of the housework, I’m current on my correspondence, and I’m finding pockets of time for silence. (More on that silence component another time.)
All of this made me stop and think about why I was chronically multitasking in the first place. The hard truth was this: I had too much of my self worth as a stay at home mom tied up in how the kids were behaving and how clean the house was. Multitasking was my way of keeping myself busy, busy, busy. When I was busy, busy, busy, I told myself that doing, doing, doing meant an A+ on my imaginary mom report card. It’s so embarrassing to write those words, but it’s the truth. This little experiment with doing things one thing at a time is showing me that, yes, there is plenty that needs to get done around here, but that God will provide me with exactly the graces and time I need to get them done one at a time. Everything else? (Cue the Frozen soundtrack.) LET IT GO!
I love starting my day with my coffee, Bible study, and to-do list. Once I’m done with my morning prayers, I ask God to multiply my time and show me the things I need to accomplish that day. With His grace, I’m getting more done doing things one thing at a time, but I think it’s because of my shift in attitude. In his book, The Virtue Driven Life, Fr. Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R., says, “Enjoy what’s going on while it’s going on. If you go to the supermarket, enjoy it. Don’t make it drudgery. Talk to the cashier. Speak to the people at the fruit counter. Chat with a neighbor. Try to get to know people, get them to talk to you, and make your passage through life pleasurable.” I may not enjoy everything that’s going on while it’s going on (who actually enjoys scrubbing the toilet?), but at least I’m facing the realities of this homemaking thing head on now that I’m not multitasking all the time. My loved ones are getting my eyes, I’m getting room to breathe, and God’s finding a way to get all of the necessary stuff done.
