When I started staying at home full-time, I felt very isolated. I didn’t have many friends who were moms, and I had even fewer friends who were moms that stayed at home.
Philip’s busy at the hospital, and it’s not uncommon for him to be unable to call during the day. When we do connect, our visits are limited to a quick check-in, and I’m usually chasing after someone or in the middle of some housework.
During the week, I tend to get so focused on completing my daily do-it list and playing with the kiddos that some days it’ll be 5:30 p.m., Philip’s calling on his way home, and I realize I haven’t talked to anyone other than Janie or Walt all day. Shooting off a quick e-mail, responding to a Facebook message, or sending a text to check in with a friend has become my default rather than making a phone call during the day. Perhaps if I had a sweet headset I’d be more likely to call friends and family as I fold laundry, unload dishes, or do something else. I’d feel too guilty sitting on the couch in the middle of the day, chatting away. I don’t pick up the phone because either the person I’m going to call is at work or is another stay-at-home mom and I don’t want to interrupt precious naptime when she’s able to get things done or have quiet time.
E-mailing, Facebook, and texting can all be wonderful, but unless there’s a real relationship there that’s maintained by regular face-to-face interactions, it remains a superficial way to communicate. So, feeling isolated and in need of more mom friends, I decided to develop the art of picking up moms.
I am quickly learning that a good mom friend is invaluable. She’s right in the trenches with you, she shares her tricks, she offers a helping hand, she listens on the rotten days, she shares her horror stories, she offers her prayers, she reminds you that taking care of yourself is not selfish, she makes you feel like a good mom, she leaves you feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the laundry.
So, if you’re not blessed to have these women magically fall into your life or transition with you from singledom to marriage and into parenthood, you have to make it happen. They’re not going to ring on your doorbell with a plate of cookies and ask you for a playdate. You’ve gotta get out there, get in touch with your mommy pick up skills, and convince these mamas that you and your children are worth getting to know better.
So, how do you do it? I’d say it comes down to a few basic steps:
- Get out and go where the mamas and children are
- Observe the mamas and children in action
- Strike up a conversation with the awesome mamas
- Suggest meeting up again
I’ll write about my experience with picking up moms for playdates and how I’ve done those 4 steps in my next post. Stay tuned!
