In case you’ve missed the previous three posts in the series, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (based on Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life). Basically, a Rule of Life is an examination of your vocation and its essential duties so that you can put them into a proper schedule. After my introduction post in the series, I jumped into what Holly Pierlot calls the “5 P’s”:
- Prayer
- Person
- Partner
- Parent
- Provider
I’ve already looked at Prayer,Person, and Partner. Today, we’re moving on to the 4th “P”: Parent.
Holly packs a whole bunch of wisdom into this chapter. My favorite passage was her own definition of parenting.
Parenting is a call to form persons. We’re called to bring God to our children’s spirits, truth to their minds, health to their bodies, skill to their hands, beauty and creativity to their hearts, and in all this, virtue to their wills and sanctity to their souls.
After I read that for the first time last year, I thought, “Wow, what a beautiful definition.”
Then I thought, “What responsibility!”
In the later part of the chapter, Holly has some great sections on discipline and developing a routine. Do yourself a favor, and read the whole chapter sometime. Today, I’d like to focus on the first part of the chapter because there is a key element Holly brings up that I think a lot of parenting books leave out: the parents themselves.
Working on Me
In a lot of parenting books, the focus seems to be on the kids–how to get them to eat, sleep, potty train, play, exercise, learn, and the list goes on and on. Very few focus on how the parents need to improve themselves as parents in order to model what their children ought to be doing. It sounds like a “duh” comment, but I think it’s so true. This chapter made me stop and realize, “Wow, I have all of these expectations for our children, but I don’t always hold myself to the same standards.”
When I looked at the 2nd “P”: Person, I came up with several things that I wanted to improve about myself. However, my list for Person didn’t include a lot of the things I need to work on in order to improve my role as Parent.
Specifically, Holly Pierlot says that we need to work on our own attitudes. She focuses on the areas of:
- uncomplaining cheerfulness
- having a willing spirit
- commitment to an ongoing conversion
- self-control
- prayer
- reliance on God
That list made me do a little soul searching.
- When I meet a task like a glass of spilled milk or a potty training accident, do I face it with uncomplaining cheerfulness?
- Do I have a willing spirit to help my daughter play with the play-doh or my son build his 1378th configuration of his train tracks?
- Am I allowing myself to plateau in the spiritual life, or am I continually learning and challenging myself to grow closer to God?
- Do I use self-control, especially in my thoughts, words, body language, or actions?
- Do I allow the busy-ness of life to get me off track with my personal prayer routine? Is prayer regularly punctuating my day? Am I using different kinds of prayers, or am I treating God like a vending machine in the sky that I talk to only when I want something?
- How has my day so far reflected my reliance on God? Would someone know that I am a Christian based on the way I go about my day? How?
Just as we are to be channels of grace for our spouses in marriage, we are to be channels of grace for our children.
Availability, Acceptance, and Help
Remember how St. Pope John Paul II defined love as “availability, acceptance, and help”? Holly Pierlot reflects that when she talks about the ways we can be available, accepting, and helpful for our children.
Availability
- Am I making eye contact?
- Do I get down on their level when we speak to each other?
- Am I spending more time looking at screens than into their eyes?
- Are we over scheduled? Am I over scheduled?
Acceptance
- Am I giving each child dedicated one-on-one time on a regular basis? (At our house, we call it “special time.”)
- Am I approaching parenting with a one size fits all approach, or am I trying to find our children’s unique strengths, weaknesses, talents, and interests? Am I accepting of each child’s uniqueness? Is my encouragement specific to them?
Help
- Am I doing what is best for our children?
- Do the kids have healthy limits?
- Are our days a good balance of work and play? (We like to call it “holy leisure”)
Questions for You:
- How would you describe your general day-to-day attitude toward parenting? Are you running on fumes?
- Revisit the list Holly Pierlot gives us for examining our attitude toward parenting.
- What area do you struggle the most with?
- Is there an area you’ve improved on? How? I’d love to hear how you’ve overcome a weakness in this area!
- How do you show your children that you are available, accepting, and helpful?
* * *
Next time I pick up the series, I’ll look at the last “P”: Provider. While a lot of it focuses on budget and financial stuff, much of the emphasis on our Provider role is an examination of where we are putting our trust and whether or not we are being good stewards of the gifts we have been given.
