by Catherine | Jul 8, 2017 | Uncategorized
Just hours after I hit publish on our last post, explaining and outlining our desire to adopt from China, the CCCWA (the Chinese governing entity that oversees adoption) released new rules for adoptive parents.
I have to giggle when I re-read this line from my last post: “We’re also hoping for a relatively stable process. (God’s laughing.)”
If parenthood has taught me anything, it is that I am not in control. The new rules from the CCCWA are really driving that point home. If we’re not in charge with biological parenthood, why should adoption be any different? Countries can choose to change the rules (as China did) or completely close their borders (as many have) overnight. As with biological parenthood, we are guaranteed nothing.
Initially, the CCCWA’s new rules left us wondering what this meant for us. What was God saying? Should we stay in China? Reconsider Haiti? Explore other programs? Revisit the idea of domestic adoption? Does this mean we shouldn’t adopt right now?
When we woke up to the news that the CCCWA had changed its rules for adoptive parents, Philip and I spent the day praying, exchanging messages, and trying to get clarification on what this meant for us. Fortunately, we already had a date night on the books for that evening. We were able to sneak away for 9 holes of golf and a leisurely dinner to talk things over. As we had yet to hear back from our adoption agency to clarify the rules, we worked through the rules as we understood them and played out all of the possible scenarios. We talked about other countries and their requirements, domestic adoption, and what the rules would mean for an adoption from China.
After talking it over for two hours on a restaurant patio, we felt the distinct peace from: 1. Knowing that God has always been and will always be with us, and that 2. We think we know what He’s telling us to do moving forward. Ultimately, we agreed that the best course of action for our family was to stay put with the China program and to proceed with our adoption plans under the new rules. In essence, He was telling us, “Guys. Pump. The. Brakes.” While this wasn’t in our initial plan, we know that we cannot “miss” the child God intends for our family. He’s giving us the gift of time–to work on our hearts, to strengthen our family as it is, and expand our capacity to love one another more perfectly. How can that be a bad thing? And how can that be a bad thing for our adopted child to join?
After a lot of back and forth with our adoption agency, we have clarification on how the new rules affect our family’s adoption. The new rule most affecting our adoption is this one: “The youngest child in the house should reach 3 years old.” This means that potential adoptive parents cannot even be entered into the system and receive their LID (“log-in date”) until their youngest child’s 3rd birthday. Since Dorothy is 15 months old, this will significantly extend our timeline. We were just a few months away from sending our nearly completed dossier off to China.
You see this mammoth?
This is our adoption binder. It’s full of all of the adoption paperwork that was *nearly* complete and ready to be sent off to China. While the kids were in school, I was spending nearly 20 hours each week during their naps and after bed preparing this paperwork. Since they’ve been home for summer, I’ve been carving out whatever time I can to work on things. Looking at this binder fills me with emotion. It involved a whole lotta time, a whole lotta money, and a whole lotta hoping and praying.
When a dossier is sent to China, none of the documents can be more than six months old. Effectively, this means that everything we have done thus far toward our dossier will need to be redone.
And yet, I’m not freaking out. *THIS* is how I know that this is what is best for our family. I’m willing to let it all go without shedding a single tear. The child God intends for our family is worth every second of sacrifice. All is not lost.
The great news? A lot of the paperwork required for a dossier fulfills requirements for an adoption home study. A completed and satisfactory home study is valid for one year. This means that we don’t have to go back to square one with our home study. Instead, we will only have to do an update each year between now and homecoming. This will require a few visits and some updating of the paperwork. Phew!
Also, because we have already gone through nearly all of the paperwork for our dossier, we know what to expect moving forward. Half of the stress of the paper chase is figuring out how to do it correctly. If we’ve already done it before, doing it the second time won’t be nearly so hard.
So what now? We’ll complete our adoption training and put the finishing touches on everything to officially complete our home study. Then, we’re pumping the brakes. Our adoption agency recommends that we start rebuilding our dossier again a few months after Dorothy’s 2nd birthday. Basically, we still start the paper chase again around the same time next year.
That gives us a year. And you know what that makes this year? The Year of Surrender. I didn’t know why God gave me that word after I ended the Year of Me, but He did. He knew. He always does. We’re going to slow down and focus on the precious children God has already entrusted to our family. We’re going to keep strengthening our marriage. We’re going to make sure we’re keeping our primary relationships in order–God, marriage, children, family, friends, and so on. And we’re going to stop pretending like we’re in control of any of it. It’s time to slow down, to get more intentional, and to see the ways God is preparing us for what (and who!) is to come.
by Catherine | Jul 5, 2017 | Uncategorized
Adoption is something that has always been on our hearts. Philip and I started talking about adoption when we were dating and dreaming about our future family. Now that we’re settled in Lincoln, Philip is done with his medical training, and Dorothy is a year old, we thought now would be an ideal time to begin the process. We started seriously researching adoption a year ago. After a lot of prayer and talking with various families we know who have adopted internationally, domestically (within the U.S.), or have fostered to adopt, we decided that international adoption was the best fit for our family right now.
Next, we had to decide which country we would be adopting from. Initially, we thought that we would be adopting from China. As many of you know, Philip has a younger sister, Maddy, who was adopted from China when Philip was a senior in high school. After a little research, we found out that the relaxation of China’s One-Child Policy dramatically changed the population of adoptable children from China. More families are choosing to parent their daughters, so more boys are available for adoption than girls. Also, all of the children available for adoption are considered “special needs.” (More on this later.)
Meanwhile, we were also learning more about Haiti and their adoption process. For awhile, it looked like this was the route we were headed. We’d be looking at a 3-ish year timeline, and our adopted child would likely be healthy on paper. Unfortunately, after speaking with families who have adopted from Haiti in recent years, it became obvious that there is no such thing as a reliable timeline when adopting from Haiti. We could be looking at a wait of 5-6 years with no promises of a child. Since we hope that God will bless us with another biological child down the road, we don’t want to postpone our family plans that long. We’re also hoping for a relatively stable process. (God’s laughing.) So, it was back to the drawing board.
In the midst of all of this, we narrowed down our short list of adoption agencies. One adoption agency, America World Adoption Agency, proved itself to be superior in its attention to detail, advocacy for the children, and promptness in returning phone calls/e-mails, so we decided to work with them. They helped us to weigh the pros and cons of both their Haiti and China programs. After speaking with the coordinators from both programs, we decided that China was the best fit for us after all. Our biggest concerns and questions revolved around what “special needs” means. In the world of international adoption, “special needs” is a very, very large umbrella.
The adoptable children in China are separated into 2 groups:
- Special Needs
- Special Focus
Children in the special needs group have what are considered more minor and correctable conditions such as: cleft lip/palate, minor heart condition, hernia, skin conditions, etc. Boys are often considered special needs because more families want to adopt girls. Children older than 10 are considered special needs as well. Children placed in the special focus group have conditions that are more involved and require extensive therapy/surgery/interventions such as: brain damage, blindness, paralysis, etc.
After speaking with the representative from the China Program, she made us much more confident in our decision to adopt from China. China has one of the longest standing international adoption relationships with the United States. Compared with other countries, it is a relatively short and smooth process. From start to homecoming, we will be looking at a 16-24 month process. Our start date was back in March when we formally filed our adoption paperwork with our adoption agency, so at the very longest we’d have a homecoming in March 2019. In all likelihood, our child will be here before then! Our agency has people on the ground in China who will be able to coordinate our trip, lead us through the legal process on both ends, and facilitate communication between us and the orphanage/foster family caring for our child.
As all of the adoptable children from China have special needs, Philip and I have the opportunity to fill out what is called a “Waiting Child Application.” The Waiting Child Application allows adoptive families to list all of the medical conditions that they are open to or will possibly consider. This was one of the many steps when I was glad to be married to a pediatrician! Basically, potential adoptive parents are given an extensive list of the special needs often seen in the Chinese orphanages/foster homes. Philip and I had to go through the list of conditions and create 2 lists. The first list was our “green lights,” all of the conditions that we feel equipped to take on. The second list had our “yellow lights,” the conditions that we might consider depending on the severity or combination of conditions listed in the child’s file. This was the most difficult and emotional part of the process so far.
We submitted our Waiting Child Application last month to our adoption agency and can receive a match any day. How long will it take to get a match? The more conditions a couple is open to, the higher the likelihood that they will get a quick match. The fewer conditions a couple is open to, the longer they will likely wait. We are requesting a baby girl between the ages of 0-2 years old. Based on the conditions we listed, we are probably looking at that timeline I mentioned above of 2 years or less. In all likelihood, she would be 14-16 months at homecoming.
When/if we are given a match, we will receive a very basic file for that child. It will likely include a few photos, perhaps a video, and a brief medical file. The information may be incomplete and/or dated. We are not required to accept that match. We will have the opportunity to review that child’s file for approximately 5-7 days. During that time, we can consult with physicians who have experience reviewing international adoption files to determine what that child’s special needs will require and whether or not we feel ready and able to adopt that child.
Since March, we have been working on 2 important steps:
- Building our dossier
- Completing our home study
A dossier is just a fancy word that means a whole bunch of paperwork required by the U.S. and Chinese government for our adoption. I already have a 2-inch binder full of copies of the paperwork we have collected and completed. An adoption dossier for China requires approximately 50 different documents, many of which need to be original, notarized, and certified. A dossier requires things like: training certificates, birth certificates, several background checks, fingerprints, medical forms/test results, and a home study summary.
A home study is basically an extensive look into your actual home and your family’s readiness to adopt. Our adoption agency is based out of Virginia and does not perform home studies in Nebraska, so a social worker from Lutheran Family Services is working with us. The social worker comes to our home 3 separate times, 2 hours each. We completed our home study visits back in May, and we have really enjoyed working with our social worker. She is helping us to feel as prepared as possible and getting us equipped with all of the resources we need. She is in the process of writing up our formal home study report. She’s just waiting on us to finish our adoption training classes before she can tie a bow on things. Our adoption classes are online, and we’re nearly done with them.
It typically takes families 4-7 months go complete the paper chase. We’re right on track and are feeling good about things. All of the documents that we collected now need to be state certified. This will take several weeks. It is very important that none of the documents we gathered are older than 6 months old by the time they reach the Chinese government or they will need to be redone.
Once our home study is finalized and all of our documents are state certified, our dossier will be sent off to our adoption agency to be translated into Mandarin before it is sent to the Chinese government. From there, the Chinese government will give us our official Log-In Date (LID). Once we have our LID, we are officially “in the system” and can move forward legally with a match. Meanwhile, we will apply to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) to for our child’s immigration.
This is all a very general and broad overview of the process as we understand it. Only God knows how it will all play out! Meanwhile, we are doing what we can as we have time and are leaving the rest up to Him. We keep reminding ourselves that it is impossible for us to “miss” the child that God intends for our family. We are contentedly focused on the children God already blessed us with, and we plug away at adoption stuff in the fringe hours.
Thank you for all of the support and prayers you’ve already given our family!
