“A clean heart create for me, O God,
and a steadfast spirit renew within me.”
Welp, party people, it’s officially Lent. With my Lenten game plan in place, today feels a little like a mini New Year full of hope, energy, and the promise of a new life. The theme of waiting is constant in my mind as my belly gets bigger and we await Baby’s arrival. (I’m due 3/31, and Easter is 3/27 this year.)
At 33 weeks, I’m already in all-out nesting mode. The receiving blankets and burp cloths are ready!
Our parish gave out copies of Matthew Kelly’s Rediscover Jesus: An Invitation. The book’s cover is purple, so it’s a perfect choice for Lent! It doesn’t hurt that purple is my favorite color, too. The book is broken into 40 quick, easy-to-read chapters that invite us into a deeper relationship with Jesus. I read chapter one this afternoon, and I’m already loving the book.
Each chapter ends with a Point to Ponder, a Verse to Live, a Question to Consider, and a short Prayer. Here’s the end of chapter one:
I’m so grateful to Fr. Mike Schmitz and his homily last Sunday for first planting the seed that this Lent needs to be about the HOW instead of the WHAT. After taking it to prayer, I started to realize that nearing the end of pregnancy as we enter into Lent is perfect timing for where I am spiritually. I don’t know about you, but Lent always seems to come exactly when I’m needing it the most. It’s as if God is sending me a not-so-subtle message that it’s time for me to slow down, take stock of where I am, and reevaluate how I’m going about this life He’s given me. This year, He’s saying, “Here’s your chance, Catherine. Begin again.”
Begin again.
In a little more than a month (God-willing), I will get the chance to begin again as a mother to our new baby. I’ll get to start with all of the wisdom I’ve gained since I first became a mother 6 years ago. No doubt I will still make mistakes on a daily (or hourly!) basis, but I’m learning that the wise mother finds new beginnings many times throughout the day.
One of the greatest gifts my spiritual director has given me is the reminder that God, the Father of Mercy, the same Father who ran to the prodigal when He still saw him off in a distance, never tires of forgiving me. I’m the one who tires of embarrassingly bringing the same laundry list of sins to confession month after month. I’m the one who kicks myself when I’m stuck in a cycle of the same sin.
My spiritual director has helped me to see that spiritual growth happens when I allow myself to be released from my sins and actually believe the words of absolution I hear in confession. When I acknowledge my mistakes, when I’m sorry for them, when I ask for forgiveness, and I actually believe I’m forgiven, then I allow myself to begin again.
Mike Hernon from the Messy Parenting Podcast, talks often about “failing fast.” When we face failure, we’re able to move through it faster when we accept it as part of the messiness of life, ask for forgiveness when necessary, and move on. Wallowing in failure or ruminating over where we went wrong doesn’t help us to move on to our next success. It leaves us licking our wounds and stuck in the past. That’s exactly what I used to do as a mom. While drifting off to sleep, I’d look back on each day, kicking myself for all of the ways I had screwed up.
I was too hard on them.
I yelled.
I was impatient.
I didn’t get down on the ground and play enough.
I should have read another story.
I shouldn’t have rushed them.
And the list went on, and on, and on.
The Accuser was so good at getting me to review my mental list of all of the ways I had screwed up as I drifted off to sleep. It was a really rotten way to end the day. It left me defeated, depressed, and unmotivated to get up to face the next morning.
Since starting spiritual direction, I’m learning that my beautiful little children are just about as merciful (praise God!) as the Father of Mercy Himself. They wake up each morning without the baggage of yesterday. They don’t hold grudges. They’re just ready for breakfast and a big hug! I once heard a holy priest say that one of the best gifts we can give our spouse is the gift of a bad memory. I’m learning through the kiddos that a bad memory truly is a beautiful thing! Their ability to move past my mistakes helps me to see that I need to be able to move past them, too. They give me the opportunity to begin again, and again, and again, and again… With each new morning, new meal, after naps, I get the chance to reset the day.
So, the HOW of my Lent is being aware of all of these new beginnings in my day-to-day living. In addition to my Lenten game plan that I blogged about, I’m spending some time each morning and evening working on questions from the 5-minute journal that I first heard on Adventures in Imperfect Living: Using the 5-Minute Journal. After listening to Greg and Jennifer talk about how they use the journal, I adopted their format. Each morning, I write these three things:
- 3 things I’m grateful for
- 3 things that would make today great that I can do (or choose not to do) that are in my control
- Daily affirmation — sentence written in present tense about myself
In the evening, I write about these two things:
- 3 amazing things that happened today
- What I could have made better today
Reflecting on those things everyday is helping me to keep a positive outlook on things around here, find opportunities for growth, affirm myself, and literally count my blessings.
Walt just woke up from his nap, so I better get going and get on with our new beginning this afternoon!
How are you beginning again this Lent?
