If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m revisiting our Family’s Rule of Life (inspired by Holly Pierlot’s book, A Mother’s Rule of Life.)  This is my third post in the series.

In the first post, I:

• explained what a “Rule of Life” is
• discussed my vocation (Child of God, wife, mother) and its essential duties
• shared our family’s mission statement
• set myself up to dive into the “5 P’s.”

The 5 P’s are:

1. Prayer
2. Person
3. Partner
4. Parent
5. Provider

In the second post, I discussed the 1st “P”: Prayer.

Today, I’m jumping into the 2nd “P”: Person.  In a nutshell, “Person” encompasses everything related to what’s going on with us physically, what’s happening internally, and how/why we’re doing and acting the way we are.   The goal in searching out all of this self-knowledge is for us to gain true humility–to see ourselves as we really are.  When we’re able to do that, we will realize how dependent we are on God, we will be emboldened to use our gifts, and we will be more motivated to improve on our weaknesses.

My study of “Person” involved 3 major umbrella topics:

1. Healing (purifying pain vs. pain in need of healing)
2. Spiritual Direction (Freedom and Integrity)
3. Personal Needs

Healing

We all have pain, but Holly Pierlot provided a distinction between purifying pain and pain in need of healing that was a big help to me.

Purifying pain brings with it the grace to accept it, and to give oneself trustingly, offering oneself to the Father with Jesus.  Pain in need of healing brings despair and discouragement.

In other words, God does not expect us to shoulder every cross that comes our way.  While some pain can be purifying (it strengthens our resolve to live a life of heroic virtue) and can lead us closer to God, there is some pain that we should seek healing from.  Keeping this in mind, I decided to make a few appointments for myself.

Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Without getting into all of the details (especially for my male readers!), let’s just say that an OBGYN is going to help get everything back in place that has been out of place.

A blood panel with my new internist revealed some hormonal irregularities and deficiencies.  I was suuuuuuuuuuuuuper low on Vitamin D, and my progesterone levels were low, too.  I’m managing them with medication and supplements to get things where they should be.

Non-Physical Pain in Need of Healing: Remember those 4 questions that are helping me to respond instead of react?  Slowly but surely, I’m learning that I allow past hurts to dictate my reactions.  I’m going to start meeting with a psychologist through Catholic Social Services to help me get to the bottom of things, teach me new anger management strategies, and work to heal those past hurts.

Spiritual Direction

Remember how I made a 2015 Board of Spiritual Directors?  I’ve already gained so much from those holy men and women, but I’m still hoping to have my own personal spiritual director that I can meet with on a monthly basis.  The goal is to find him/her by the end of the month so that I can start working with him/her toward Christian freedom.  As Holly Pierlot’s university professor, Fr. Tom Daley, told her, “Freedom is taking responsibility for who you are to become.”  When I decide to take responsibility for who it is that God is calling me to be, I will experience Christian freedom.  In order to do that, I need to work toward becoming ordered internally.  Holly Pierlot says, “The only way to get closer to God was to become ordered enough inside to enable me to experience him within.”  My hope is that my spiritual director will help me to see what I am allowing to prevent me from having that internal order, and what I can do to change that.

Personal Needs

We all have our unique needs that help us to stay ordered internally.  For me, they are:

• Quiet
  • Personal morning prayer while the house is quiet
  • Wednesday afternoon “Mother’s Helper”
    • A high school neighbor girl watches the kids for two hours in the afternoon every Wednesday.  I use the time for whatever I’d like as a mid-week recharge–blogging, running errands, a craft, meal prep, sewing, or a household project.
  • Mother’s Sabbath
    • Every other Saturday, I get to spend a few hours out of the house to recharge.  I don’t have a set agenda, but I like I go to the Catholic bookstore, sit at a nearby coffee shop, work on the blog, read, or write in my prayer journal.  One Saturday a month, I am making it a goal to end that time in confession.
• Exercise
  • Philip and I came up with a schedule so that we can take turns getting in a workout in the morning.
  • I take Monty for walks around the neighborhood after dinner while Philip gives the kids baths and gets them ready for bed.  (As they’re finishing their evening chores, I come back to finish the dinner dishes and close up the kitchen for the night.)
• Nutritious Food
  • Continued meal planning and scheduled date nights at new restaurants keep us from veering away from a planned, nutritious meal
• Rest
  • Philip and I instituted an early bedtime.  During the week, we are supposed to be in bed at 9:30 and have our lights out at 10.  We have our good nights, but we have been staying up later this past week to spend more time together.
  • We still take “family naps” on the weekends.
• Friendship
  • Dinner Club for Underachievers  (The inaugural dinner this past weekend was a big success, and we are excited to have this regular fixture on our calendar)
  • Bunco one Friday night a month
  • Weekly Bible study
  • Occasional dinners out with friends
  • Regularly scheduled playdates
• Intellectual Stimulation
  • Regular pockets of time to read (after morning prayer, during the kids’ naps, or before bed)

Questions for you:

What are you doing to take care of yourself?  Are you allowing the vocation as a wife or mother to become an excuse to ignore your own personal needs?  How can you enlist your husband, wife, children, or friends to help you to take better care of yourself?  I’d love to hear your ideas!

*     *     *

Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at the 3rd “P”: Partner.  As you might expect, this one is all about marriage.  I think I’ll spend the rest of my life learning about this “P”!