I am very blessed to have a husband who takes on more than his fair share around the house.  I owe Philip’s wonderful parents a big “thank you” for raising him to treat our marriage as a partnership.  Philip routinely offers to cook, bake, clean, offer me a break when he gets home from work, or do any other odd job around the house–all in addition to working very hard as a pediatric resident.  When I’m pregnant (which, in recent history, has been a good amount), he takes on even more.  What a guy, huh?

Changing Janie’s diaper our first night home from the hospital

Helping Janie put on her princess boots, Christmas 2011

Cuddling Walt after his bottle

Although Philip has always been a good sport about helping out, I’ve only recently figured out that he needs my encouragement with helping out, and that I need to take the time to encourage him.  It’s taken me almost four years of marriage to figure out the best way to encourage him.  In my experience, it takes 2 things:

1. Verbally acknowledge and thank him for all of the things he does around the house that are helpful.
2. Tell him what a hot hunk of a man he is when he helps out. 

Both of these things sound intuitive, but for blockheads like me, it still takes practice.


1.  Verbally acknowledge and thank him for all of the things he does around the house that are helpful.


Now that I’m at home with the kids full-time, my days are filled with all kinds of little things that I do on a routine basis.  Philip has always been great at noticing and showing me that he notices. 


“Hey, did you vacuum and dust?  I can tell.  It looks great!” 
“Oh, thanks for refilling the soap in the bathroom.” 
“Thanks for dinner.  I think that recipe is a keeper.”  


Simply saying all of these little things adds up to me feeling appreciated and acknowledged.  Being a stay-at-home mom can be a thankless job (especially before the kids are even talking!), but Philip is so good at filling up my bucket simply by noticing and thanking me for the little stuff. 


You’d think that I would intuitively reciprocate, but I’m embarrassed to say I’ve had to train myself to thank Philip for all of the little things he does.  I’ve always noticed when Philip shows initiative and takes care of something around the house, but sometimes I’ll forget to tell him.  


I might see that he’s refilled the diapers in the changing table, but before I thank him, I’m likely to get distracted by a crying toddler, a diaper pail that needs emptying, or a ringing phone.  Instead of circling back to thanking Philip for refilling the diapers, I forget and move on with my day.  He doesn’t help out around the house for the thanks, but when he’s done a few things and they aren’t acknowledged, he must feel that his efforts aren’t appreciated.  


I am working on thanking Philip for the things I see as soon as I can or make a mental note to thank him later.  He really appreciates the recognition and thanks for his efforts to help out, especially when he goes the extra mile.         


2.  Tell him what a hot hunk of a man he is when he helps out.


What guy doesn’t like being told by his wife that she thinks he’s a total hottie?  Ladies, why
not tell your husband he’s a total hottie for helping out?  


Guys, we’re not just telling you you’re hot to get you to help out.  We really do think you’re irresistible when you help out–especially when you do something a certain way because we’ve asked you to (read: because we think it’s the right way to do it).


Philip started tri-folding his towel and wiping the lint off of the dryer top when he does laundry.  That’s hot.


Philip intercepted me on my way to change Walt’s dirty diaper and said, “Let me do it.”  Even hotter.


Philip did the dinner dishes, cleaned the sink, wiped down the counters, and took out the trash.  Cowboy, take me away!


To really drive the point home, ladies, employ a little embarrassing PDA in front of the kids–especially if they’re at the age that they think you’re gross.  Jane’s still young enough to think it’s funny, and Walt just laughs at whatever Jane laughs at.  


After an especially helpful afternoon, I threw my arms around Philip’s neck and said in my most irresistible voice, “Have I ever told you how hot it is when you cook and change dirty diapers?”  Naturally, Philip was pleasantly surprised.  Jane and Walt laughed at us from the kitchen table, and Philip told them to avert their eyes while he gave me an embarrassingly long kiss.  You’d think we were doing stand-up from the reaction the peanut gallery gave us.


In conclusion:
Your hubby wants you to keep thinking he’s hot + you think he’s hot when he helps out + you tell him that he’s hot when he helps out and thank him for his efforts = a happy, helpful husband